This is me...

Summertime with "Kids"

2010-07-08T12:22:00.002-05:00

Well, we are full into summer aren't we! I'm actually feeling quite relieved that I have a reason to do school this summer, (getting ready for more kiddos)...I feel that it helps to curb the summertime boredom that most kids have. Routine and "things to do" is for sure a way to help them out!

Has the fighting hit your home? I know many of my friends have shown signs of battle wounds from dealing with this exact thing. Full combat is on and we aren't use to putting on our combat gear for this type of fighting!

As I was studying about prayer, I came to a great realization. Pray continually! I know...we all already knew that that is what the bible says. But, you know...it can be one our greatest allies. If we turn to prayer and turn to our Father...what more is there?

I know many a day I have lost it and have taken matters into my own hands. Well, that results in a frustrated me, frustrated kids, some yelling, some grounding, and some "I need a vacation from my kids thoughts". That's obviously not the best route!

So, for some time now I have just stopped in the midst of my kids fighting and began to pray out loud for the situation. Yes, the kids stop fighting, usually they bow their heads with me...and I pray for them, for the situation, and for me to control my temper. Everyone calms down.
Now do they like it? Not always. I've heard, "You're using prayer against us!" I wouldn't say it's against them...I would say it's for them. And many times saving them from my wrath and from me acting in anger, (which girls...it is a sin...raising our voices, loosing our cool, reacting anyway but how Christ would...is a sin...uggghh). So, give it a try! Use the power of prayer! God wants us to come to Him in all things! We're missing out if we don't!

This afternoon after a huge argument was starting, (nerf guns being shot in the face), some crying...and a cool, (not as in "I'm so cool), a calm mom...I have kids who walked away saying they were sorry, and now are laughing downstairs. We don't have to have summers where we wished our kids were in school. God never planned us to "tire of our children"...He puts up with His after all. We just have to learn how to deal with situations...and our answers...they are all in His word! What a revelation...to put down the 100th "parenting book" we've bought and pick up the "PARENTING BOOK"...our Father has given us His word with all the answers!

" Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"This is me"...being joyful in my children and the outcome of their disagreement. Giving thanks that I reacted the way I should...it puts me in such a good mood.

Responses:

2010-05-10T16:04:00.002-05:00

Girls! For the ones of you who have responded about my last 3 blogs...I am so glad that I could be of encouragement. Trust me, writing them did not come easy...it has taken an amazing journey that I am still on to discover these truths. I know that it will be something that I will have to continually work on...why? Because I am a WOMAN! And women are just so stinkin' emotional!

Give it to God girls...even if it means a 100 x 100 times a day. If we put on blinders and keep our focus on Him...satan will not have a chance to sneak in. It's when we let down our guard and think, "I'm doin' pretty good. I've got this in the bag.", that we crash.

Love you all! Keep following Him. We can never say the journey is not GREAT when we are pursuing Him!

"This is me"...Love ya', Jen

Your kids are effected by your decisions...

2010-05-09T11:19:00.002-05:00

I missed going to church this morning on this Mother's Day, I hope to be better soon! Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

I have to say that I sat at home in amazement over watching the service online. My last 3 blogs made even more sense to me today...as Pastor hit on the very thing I've been studying. It was a great message.

Here's what I got from this morning's message mixed with my last 3 blogs:

What life lesson are you teaching your kids about dealing with others? Are you teaching them to pray and to not speak ill words? Or are you spewing ill words to and in front of your kids and haven't even let it cross your mind to pray for the individual you are having problems with...instead you are to busy being mad, angry, and letting satan win in your heart?

You know girls...if we are dogging others to our kids, or in front of our kids...we effect our child tremendously. We are teaching her or him to dog their friends, their acquaintances. If we take the low road and railroad someone and our kids see it...we have taught a lesson that might not ever be able to be changed. If you must have words with someone...are you doing that in front of your kids? Are you ruining your child's friendships because of your bitterness? It can change, praise God that it can all change!

Girls, if we take the high road, God's road, and we pray for individuals that we might be having struggles with, if we take time at night during prayers with our kids and pray about an individual, and pray for them to change, to find the good in themselves, to find a way to make things good...we have taught our kids a huge life lesson that is positive. I know, it might be hard to pray for someone that you are at ought with...it doesn't matter...it's the right thing. And before long your heart is softened for them and you find that you long for things to be better for them, for them to have a heart change. If your kids see you stop them when they want to defend, or say something negative about someone who has hurt your family, if they see that you will not allow that, that you do not agree with that...they will learn a great life lesson. They watch us, and copy us...are we doing the right thing?

Our kids need to see us bowed in prayer for individuals we struggle with. They learn the most from us as mother's. What example am I setting, what example are you setting?

It is possible right now, in the very place you are to turn your anger, bad thoughts, hatefulness, etc. over to God. You can ask Him to guide you, to lead you...and ask Him to remove satan from this area in your life. If God is your focus, if you are a christian walking in His steps...then it should be natural to want to take God's high road. On the other side of that...you might be taking the worldly route and finding it natural to sin and take the low road, (been there, done that)...but, the WORDly route is so much better :)! Remember: James 4: 7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you”.

The sin, the torment of feeling rage towards others can all flee if you submit to God and choose to make the right choices. The anger in your children, the "I'm always being attacked syndrome" that so many kids seem to have...can disappear with us making the right choices, with us not jumping on every little thing our kids deal with. They need to learn how to deal with things positively. They need to learn how to see that their friends can slip and say something, or come across wrong...but, they are still their friend that loves them...so their is no need to attack. But, that 100% stems from us mom's and how we choose to react to our sister's in Christ or other Christians in general. We must look deeper and see the heart of our fellow Christians...and if we can't see any good at the moment in someone's heart...we must pray for them! Our kids follow our lead.

Will you change today? I'm telling you, it is refreshing! Can you stop and look and see what your main focus is in life? Do you dwell on others and how they have "hurt" you, or "rubbed you the wrong way"? Then you have a festering wound that needs to be healed! It might hurt a bit to take off the blindfold and look closely at our ugliness, our sin...but, the quicker we do...the quicker we can be healed by our Lord and we can change!!!! We must choose to say no to slander, (yes, even in your home to your family...dogging someone in your home is still slander.), choose to say no to gossip to others, choose to let anger go out of your life...it will consume you and eat you alive. Be free in Christ...it's the much better thing to do. And yes, the same as me...letting go of hurt and anger can be hard...but, we must do it...even if we have to re-let go of it 100 times in a day. Give it over to God and don't let it overflow to our sweet children :)!

"This is me"...amazed at the preaching today, God knew exactly what he needed to say. We are these sweet kids examples...how will we show our love today. They hear every word we say :)

The pursuit...

2010-05-08T08:15:00.008-05:00

Do you realize that when satan wants to "get to you"...he is relentless with his pursuit? It might be him whispering in your ear telling you are worthless and unworthy, telling you are a failure as a mother or as a wife. It might be he works through others to attack your character, your life. You might be having a great day and the phone rings or a text comes that can blow your whole day. That can bring you to your knees. That can cause you to have a knot in your stomach or a tightness in your chest that consumes you. It can make you physically ill. Satan will find a way to pursue you, to weaken you, to ruin you if you allow him too. And he laughs with this huge belly laugh when he sees you buckle. He has torn you a bit further away from God.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9

But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:3

We so have to guard ourselves. One, guard ourselves from being attacked. Two, guard ourselves from being used by satan to attack. Can you shut him down? Do you realize that if we pursue others, we want to be right and make sure others know it, we are mad and we're gonna win. That is not of God. That is satan working through us. And as Christians, if we are allowing him entrance into our minds, our hearts and we are letting him work through us to hurt another christian...then we are no better than him. I was thinking about this, "Why would we ever want to tear down another christian? (I'm not saying that we won't slip, we won't react...but, can we stop and reel ourselves back in and start praying and give the situation to God? There is such a difference in re-acting...still not good...and pursuing others like they are prey). Do you realize that every nasty step we take towards pursuing someone just so we can be right just, #1: Ruins a friendship, #2: Can ruin someone's life, #3: Can ruin another person's walk with Christ, #4 And as we've seen on t.v., it can lead teens, etc. to make stupid choices like suicide, etc...if any teens are reading this...your relentless pursuit can be deadly. Why would we do that if we are striving to be like minded with Christ, if we are His child? The only answer is we've allowed satan in and he is running the show. But, girls...we can run him out! Praise God! We can say, "I see your presence and I want none of this! I want to pray for my friend instead, I want to pray for this family, I want to see the good in their children."

What does pursuing mean? Calling, taunting, dirty looks, texting, emailing, over and over and over. Oh, and yes gossip to others. (This book called mean girls I've been reading has just been eye opening girls). These things do not have one bit of Christ written on them...but, satans hand writing is all over it! As a christian we should not want any part of it. And yes, living in "his world"...we have to re-focus, re-group and remember that it is of satan.

I love this portion of scripture (it is what we pray when Darren is gone at night...but, it applies to so much more): Psalm 91

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^a]">[a]

² I will say ^b]">[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Praise Him girls for this truth!!!! And if you find yourself pursuing someone (been there done that in times past)...let it go! I'm not talking about "handling a situation". I'm talking about the nastiness that you want to keep going with, the attacks that follow...I know you all know what I mean, we're woman! Don't let satan win. If you are consumed by winning, by "making your point", by being right...turn your pursuit into prayer! Oh, by His mighty name He can make things well! He can make things well with your soul. He can take that knot in you, He can take this obsession that won't leave your mind...and make it well! Give into Him. Recognize that when you pursue one of your brother's or sister's, one of God's children...satan is the only one who wins. Because you are helping to DESTROY one of God's children. How tragic!

I think the opposite is Amazing. God waits for us. He is always waiting with open arms to protect us. He is there to cover us with His wings. He is unmovable. He doesn't slither and pursue. He sits on His throne waiting for us to fall at His feet. He is just so amazing girls! He wants good for us!

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

Isn't that an awesome truth! Give it to God and satan will flee! Handle it ourselves and we are no different than satan!

"This is me"...speaking the truth so I can keep Him close, to satan I do not want to toast. Winning in wars, is well such a chore. Give it to God, and He will applaud. Pray for those who persecute, with this you will not lose.

Forfeit the match!

2010-05-07T16:29:00.002-05:00

Oh, it's such a hard thing to do at times. At times in our lives we might be feeling attacks against us and we so want to fire back. We might even start to fire back and then realize that all that does is hurt others and it's not the right thing to do. So what is the answer?

Forfeit the match!

I was watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter" the other night, (I know great educational program...lol), and they were going to a cage match to catch the criminal. With watching it I thought, "Man, once you get in...and they lock you in...there is no coming out "good". Your gonna' have to fight. So, I was thinking, "Why are they even stepping into the cage and being locked in?" Girls, even if we are being taunted and tempted to step into the cage and release our claws...just forfeit!

I am learning some real truths lately. One of the big one's is: If there is no fuel, there is no fire. The fire will go out. It might steam, and spark, and there might be hot ashes still there for a while...but, it can't keep going unless you feed it. Is that not a great truth? Oh, I think of the times that I have fueled the fire. I just had such a hard time at being quiet. How I regret many of the things that have spewed from my mouth. As someone said, "Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it sure is hard to put it back in." I even caught myself not resisting the other day. Just felt like I had the right to spout back. But, you know...it's not worth it. All it does is destroy.

Girls, be sure of this! If you have truly changed in your life...if you have came from a past of mistakes and failures and being a non-Christian and then an infant Christian...but, now are striving to be a mature Christian, it's not gonna' be easy. Satan will work hard at ruining every step you take forward. But, He knows your heart...He knows. Don't let a few steps back ruin what you are working towards for your Lord. Just keep pressing forward. You won't be sorry.
And remember this, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." Don't let others define you by your past. Your past many times is what pushes you to choose right in the present and future. If no one else wants to see you've changed and are thriving to serve God...remember God see's your heart, He hears your prayers.
And remember, " "The only One who has the right to condemn you...doesn't." Praise His name!

If you are one who has or is relentless to attack and are a Christian...I pray for you to get things right. You know we will slip and start to say things or mess up when in situations...the important thing to God is to see your fruit and that you recognize your mistakes and that you stop and re-focus and say, "No, I'm not gonna go there. I'm gonna' forfeit this match." You know, when stepping in the cage with someone...one or both is going to lose. It's not a win win situation...someone will get hurt. So, just stop and back out. Forfeit and don't respond. When you become silent, stop fueling the fire, and forfeit...satan has nothing to use to attack you. It's a good thing :)

I read this...When you stop giving someone a reaction, (and yes...it's hard not to react...but, usually when we do...things come out of our mouths that we regret and didn't mean), they are much more likely to get bored than if you play the game with them. It's like that game Whack-a-Mole at the arcade, where you hit the little mole heads that pop up from holes on a table. When you hit them with a mallet, they disappear in their holes. The goal is to hit them as quickly as they come up. It's addictive because they keep popping back up. Now think how boring the game would be if they never went in their holes once you hit them or never popped back up once they went down. You'd get really bored really fast and walk away to play some other game. It's the same with the Mean Girl. If she can't get you to keep popping back in and out of your hole, she gets bored. Your job as a believer is to love her and pray for her as if she is your friend." - Mean girls, H.DiMarco

Man, I know it's hard. But, I really see that it's worth it to forfeit. Let them win their game. Because in the end...you really are the winner with your Lord. That's all that matters.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

"This is me"...finding myself not always starting with a forfeit...but, praising God that He reminds me too. It's Him who I pursue. I must reel myself back in, and with Him start over again! His truths I find amazing...and I'm so thankful for His saving!

Seeing satan at work...

2010-05-05T16:01:00.003-05:00

Well you know the saying of "I can see God at work in this situation." What about when things are going on in your life and you can clearly see satan's hand in the whole thing? Yes, girls we can many times clearly see "Satan at work."

So, the question is...how will I handle it? How will you handle it? I have had many years in my life where I would totally let satan win. I would give in and let him have the upper hand. I can think of times with family situations, (my mom), I can think of times with sin choices in my life, I can think of times with friends and disagreements. There were times that I handled things completely wrong. But, a few years back, during a period of dealing with some really bad junk, (friends I thought were trustworthy, godly, etc...showed themselves to be quite the opposite and I got pulled into some junk that I wanted nothing of), I came to an absolute in my life. That absolute was that I never again wanted to go down that type of path again. I did not want to deal with satan by myself. Satan is not one for us to deal with head on...that is God's job. The only thing that ever happened with me trying to deal with satan one on one was a huge head on collision. A mess, a bigger mess than already was present. When "I" tried to handle things I would handle things in human form...I would end up mad, angry, yelling, sinning, or many times feeling like an unworthy failure (I would let others get the best of me)...I would end up saying mean and ugly things...why? Because that's what humans do...we have a worldly way of handling things not a WORD way of handling things. I have came close a few times to crossing that line, (started in with my human self, it's a natural thing to do, and then caught myself and thought, "Stop. This is not worth it!" Unfortunately others can push you to start acting humanly...but, hopefully we can catch ourselves and reel back in before it gets worse)...and I can't say I'll make it every time with following my absolute, (we all fail, we are not perfect)...but, that is my plan,that is my prayer.

I asked God to help me to never again be pulled into gossip, ugliness, mean woman, (yes, there are mean woman in most of our lives, just like in school there were mean girls...it doesn't change as adults), and petty junk. I'm telling you it was like a revolution in my life. A total turn-around. But, I have learned during that that you can't keep satan from shooting darts your way, from tempting you to be pulled in. He can throw things at you that tempt you to become that person you vowed to never be again. He can throw people at you to tempt you to fail, to lose it with. The question is...how will you deal with it? Are you ready? Do you have God's armour on? Are you gonna' let Him fight the battle or are you going to try it on your own? Girls we will loose every time if we choose to try and fight satan on our own.

He wants us to loose everything we have with our relationship with our Savior. He wants us to loose our credibility with others. He hopes our friends, those watching us, etc. will see us fail and that we will loose all that we've worked to be for our Lord. He hopes! So, are you prepared for these days, these challenges, etc.?

It might be that satan will use things with our kids to "get to us". You know, "Let someone hurt my child and I'm gonna respond!" We are Mamma cougars when it comes to our babies. So, how are you gonna' handle it? How will you respond when satan works his way in? Worldly or Wordly (His word). That doesn't mean that you can't handle a situation where an adult has overstepped with a child...it obviously needs to be handled. But, if attacks come after that directly to you...how do you respond? What should you do?

I think the biggest lesson I've learned is this: To just be still, (I'm so thankful to the friend who shared this principal with me). To just let God. When there is attacks coming your way...let go and let God. If there is a thorn in your side, if there is someone attacking you...say nothing. Girls if we remember to take the emotion out of it, (we are emotional), and we say nothing...then what do they have? What can someone "come back with"...if there is nothing to come back too? All of a sudden satan is quieted. He is silenced. With him having the hope that you would blow all you've strived to become for your Lord...and you refused to blow it...then what is left for him to do?

"A fool shows her annoyance at once, but a smart girl overlooks an insult." Proverbs 12:16 paraphrased.

When you see satan working in your life...or trying to. When you have the attacks coming. Simply, don't respond. I refuse to blow my relationship with God. I have done that in the past, and it is not something I want to ever do again. I love my Lord, I love His people and I want to serve Him to the best of my and His ability. We can blow that in one instance. And girls I know many of you are the same as me, "I've come a long way baby." And I don't want to regress back to old habits! I find amazement and comfort in maturity with Christ. I don't want to hold onto that bottle of milk...I want to eat the real meat that God wants to feed me. I want to grow and learn from my amazing God. And I want to help others to grow and strive for more with their Lord.

So, when you see satan working in your life what will you do? Will you try it on your own...or will you give it to God and allow Him to do the ultimate work in you? It's so worth just being still and letting Him take control.

^{Colossians 3:1-10 1}Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ, who is your^a]">[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. ⁵Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^b]">[b] ⁷You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

"This is me"...choosing to not be that old girl. I want to remember my past because with it I remember what I don't want...and it helps me to keep looking ahead...I think that's all that can be said.

Who's your daddy?

2010-03-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

Have you heard that saying before. I've heard it in that "rap" type of voice. "Yo, who's your daddy?"

Well, my question is who is your God, your father, your daddy?

It turns out girls that we do not have a little tame, tuck in your pocket kind of God. Now I know many who treat Him like this. I have been there myself. Only in trouble, in despair does He get pulled out. Having Him in our presence when we snap our fingers in complete despair. Visiting Him otherwise just on occasion, sometimes only the holidays. A God of convenience is what we seem to think.

However I know something so incredible. I have a huge, wild, dangerous God. Dangerous you might ask? Yes, if we are trying to manage Him. Kinda' like some on earth daddy's...they don't put up with being told what to do!

I have a God of such wild proportions, of crazy creativity that I can't wrap a paintbrush around all of it. As my kids and I were mesmerized by the sky on Tuesday afternoon. We discussed His wild imagination. If you just stop and get down close enough and look at the crushed shells at the beach and see the pounding waves...He is wild and creative all rapped into one.

He has ingenuity and enthusiasm. He makes the thunder clap, and the lightning streak. He created root systems, and salt in the ocean, and no salt in the lakes. He really is beyond description...I know I can't do Him justice. Why? Because He is ALL!

He is extremely generous and patient. If He wasn't I would have been flung off of this earth a long time ago! He is a God of beauty and a God of not just 2nd chances but, many chances.

He is!

So, why do so many, (I've been there), walk around this earth with no thought to their creator. Why on facebook and other sites do I see Christians write that their favorite movie or book is something that would make our Father cry? Why do I see many put under religion that they are a Christian, but there is no evidence at all? Why are lives lived so flippantly, without any thought to their creator, to the one who died for them so they could be in Heaven one day? Why do I many a day rush through life without time for my Father? Why? Do we not see His majesty? Do we not fear Him at all? Do we not see His power? Or maybe simply, we just don't care about anything else except us!

When will we start putting Him 1st in our day? I know just the other day I was getting the kids ready to start school and the thought ran through my head, "I just wanna' start school, I don't want to do a devotion (with a whine)." As soon as I thought it, I was shook. Shook with fear of how easy it is to discard our Lord. How quickly I can treat Him like an old shoe, "I don't want to wear that anymore." I was disgusted with my thought. I was wanting to shove those words back in and out a back door. How dare I. How dare I put school before God. God never said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and do school." He wants the attention girls. He is a jealous God (no matter what Oprah says). He wants us to see Him...to see Him! To spend time with Him, quality time that He knows He's the only thing that matters at the time, He wants total acknowledgment!

God our Daddy wants us to see Him for who He is. He is the only reason we are here, worship Him for that. He is the only reason our world has beauty in it, bow down to Him. He is the only reason that our heart just beat another beat, praise Him. He is the only reason we have children, cry out thank you to Him. He is the only reason I just took this breath, and will take one and open my eyes up in the morning...so start my day in His presence acknowledging Him.

Seriously girls. When will I, when will you take Him serious? I know we have busy days. Good grief...I teach 2 grades (whether 20 children or 2, it's still the same material), I have errands to run, and a house to maintain, and things to do. But, God is our God! He is the one that allows us to be here. Shouldn't we say, Who cares about the other stuff...I need to acknowledge Him, learn about Him, worship Him this morning because HE IS!

Do we really want to play "chance" with Him? So, we don't acknowledge Him except on Sunday, or in a quick rushed prayer at lunch. Or maybe in our bible study but, we are just trying to "get it over with". We don't really bask in WHO HE IS. But, when trouble strikes...we say and cry out...ACKNOWLEDGE ME...I NEED YOU! Isn't that a bit of danger? A bit of Russian roulette? Will He even listen? I don't know. Would you answer? He is a God of Mercy, but in His word it shows many times where, "He had enough." Miriam found that out the hard way. I fear that! I don't want to push Him there, I don't want Him fed up with my flippancy!!

I love this that I read:
The only way to risk greatness is to trust god with all areas of your life (the only way to do that is to get to know your Lord with countless hours spent at His feet). Not only is it exhausting to hang on to the monkey bars so tightly, but it keeps us from pursuing the much longer and more fulfilling dreams God has for us. When we cling to our own goals and worldly things and methods, we miss what God has assigned for us, and the gifts and treasures that He has for us.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss it!

Another quote I read:
"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." --C.S. Lewis

Girls, I was made for heaven. This world is old news...there is a place so much better. But, I want to enter it with Him knowing me and me knowing Him...not just scrape in their with the fact that "I'm saved." I don't want to be embarrassed by that...I want Him to greet me with, "There she is. Finally face to face. I'm glad today we can continue our talk, same time but, obviously a new place? I can't wait for our time together." Instead of, "Well, hi Jennifer. Wow, we have a lot to catch up on. I haven't "really" heard from you in years."

How about this:
"Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start now and make a brand-new ending." --Carl Bard

Leaving a Lasting Footprint

My children will not remember
the words of wisdom I've
passed along over the years,
nor will yours remember the good
advice you've given.
However, etched in their minds
and planted in their hearts
is a permanent picture of who
you are and how you've lived
before them.
--Dorothy Kelley Patterson

Girls, what will be painted in our children's minds? Will they be talking about the quiet time that mom had each morning, and the prayers they saw her praying. The nights they woke up and saw us praying over them. The talk from our mouths always revolved around our Lord? Will they remember the devotions and how they had to be done rain or shine, busy day or not? Or will they remember the rush out the door. The yelling to hurry up. The rush to bed with "It's too late for a devotion." Will they only remember you baked some cool stuff, but never saw you pouring over your Lord's word? Will they remember being rushed out of the room for t.v., but never because you were having your quiet time with the Lord? What will the legacy be?
We don't get do over's girls. And man there's some things I wish I could do over. This is a one shot life. And with that, we don't know if tomorrow will be it.

Our Lord is amazing! We can say, "Yeh, He is." Then move on. Or we can stop and say you know, He is, HE IS. And then let Him take your breath away because finally you acknowledged Who He is and Who's you are. And it made you weaked kneed and you fell in His presence and said, "Why haven't I took you serious. You are all that should matter." "I will not put you behind this world and all of the stuff that I call important. Because, you are the Holy One." Oh, take a moment and breathe that in, "The Holy One."

Is it time? There's no better time then now to be consumed with HIM. If you just caught yourself saying, "You don't know my schedule." or "If you knew how my kids take up all my time." or "We are just to rushed in the morning to throw a devotion in with the kids." Then simply...priorities are out of whack. Life in the world is #1 and God is in a distant 2nd, 3rd, 20th place. And the world is what matters. Simply put! Trust me I'm speakin' to myself. When will we acknowledge WHO HE IS? And that He is what matters 1st!!! How can we do that to our creator, to the one who suffered and died to give us life eternal? How?

"This is me." Wanting my life to be radical for Him. I don't want to in this world just blend in. I want to put Him 1st, for Him I never want to hurt.

We got a new edition...

2009-11-16T09:48:00.007-06:00

The kids have been begging for another indoor dog.
Last Sunday we saw puppies on the side of the road and we
just pulled over "to look".
They said that they wanted that to be their Christmas.
So, here we are with one untrained puppy who is
very energetic. Jazz has finally adjusted to
her...it took him about a week.

We were surprised to find out that she wasn't all Shih Tzu...like
the seller thought. She has alot of Lhasa Apso in her. Similar
breed but, a bit more stubborn...great!!!

Cookies for Trunk or Treat...

2009-11-16T09:27:00.007-06:00

I had a fun time making some cookies for Trunk or Treet
this year.
I am hoping to try some cool designs for Christmas.

Gentleness...

2009-11-04T09:20:00.003-06:00

This morning I chose to speak gentle to my kids. Yes, girls...it is a choice (and sometimes a big challenge for this sinner). I also chose to be gentle with the new puppy who woke me at 4:50am (I think that was an even bigger challenge...lol). With that I praised the Lord that she did not poop in her crate on night #3 and instead barked loudly to wake me and go out to "do her business". I count that joy sisters!!!

As I talked gently with my kids and told them to go get their schoolwork...I saw how much easier the morning went (how many times I forget and have to be reminded). Again I had to praise my Lord and say thank you for reminding me that I prayed for wisdom, patience, and gentleness. I prayed that he would remind me to hold my tongue and to think before I speak. And He answered that prayer!

It was so much easier to pull out the devotion and do it with my kids when I had not been in a race of anxiety and craziness. When I spoke sweet and kind...then I found that effecting me and making me want to sit with them and learn about our Lord...2 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 mom...learning about God. Now I find my house quiet as they do their work...no one running about, getting in trouble...gentleness = peacefulness.

Again it makes me think of 18 kids and counting (I mentioned in my last post), and I watch Michelle's gentleness with her 18 kids. She is pregnant, and tired...but, she still has love for all of them. She mentioned that as a 1st time preg. mom you can get that nap...she said enjoy it, she doesn't get that (I can't imagine)...but, she is still gentle even when tired. And as I said in the last post, Jim Bob said that their kids will learn from their actions of how to be...not from their words. So, true.

Then bible study this morning...just reminded me of what my goal is with my beautiful family.

1 Timothy 4:12-15 says:

^"12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. ¹³Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. ¹⁴Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

¹⁵Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. ¹⁶Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

Beth said this: "Accolades like these are meant to be balanced with the teaching that every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God. The blessed recipient is responsible for developing the integrity, humility, and work-ethic to know what to do with it. Gift without grit is a pitiful waste. "

She goes on to say: "If we're wiling to follow His path on the winding road map of Scripture, we have the joy of side-stepping this ankle-breaking trap. So will a few children we're privileged to train. Living just to be great will prove at least empty and maybe even deadly. We'd ask Haman if he weren't busy dangling from the gallows.

Spending ourselves for something infinitely greater still fans our parched souls with the God-given need to matter, but relieves us of the relentless pain of being the "It" person at the center of it. Haman wanted to be the "It" person in the worst way. In doing so, his life turned out to be a humiliating disaster.

To live for the greatness of God is to live the great life. Oh, I know we've heard it before, but what if it finally clicked? What if we awakened to what a dream-killer perfectionism is? To how pitifully small and unworthy a goal of personal greatness is? We were meant for so much more.

Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extraordinary. Spooning soup into the mouth of the weak or manning the nursery so a tired mom can go to church are acts of high worship when offered in the name of Christ. He beholds the sight like a breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. "She has done a beautiful thing to me" (Mark 14:6).

Christ, the very One who called us to abundant, effective life and commanded us to splash in the cool springs of joy while living it, announced the following secrets to the great life without a hint of contradiction."

Wasn't that good stuff girls? You know...I haven't had my hair cut for months, I haven't got my nails done since my wedding, I don't make it out of my sweats on most days...but, I don't have to be the "It" person. I had to give up a neat house...because we live in it 24/7. I hardly ever make it to girls lunches, etc.. I'm not saying any of this to be the "It, Look at me person" either. I'm just hoping to encourage that mom out there that "has to go to work", that "has toddlers at home", that "just had that baby and is getting no sleep". We have to learn to count it all joy!!! It might not be glamorous in the world's eyes, but it is important in God's eyes, He finds it beautiful! I love striving to be what God wants me to be...it's the good life!!! I have my days...but, my days are so full I don't have much time to "have those days of poor me!"...and that's just satan talking when I do...because God doesn't give you days filled with those thoughts.

"It" doesn't matter what the "Jones' are doing, what they have, or any of that...the Jones' aren't what pleases God...it's our dedication to Him and to what He has blessed us with. Our kids, our husband is not a burden. Did you hear that, did I? They are not a last minute thought in His plan, they are not something to step around...they are a GIFT FROM GOD! We have been placed here for a specific purpose girls!

Why do we cherish them, (our husbands, our kids), when a threat arises? When one is struck with cancer, when one is wronged at school, when they are on their death bed...but, until then they are just there, sometimes an annoyance, sometimes a bother...and sometimes there just for "our" pleasure. "Family picture."...glad they are there. "Sex" (when we are in the mood)...glad he is there. "Showing them off at the game...He's my super star."...at home you just wish they would leave you alone while you're watching your show. "Hand over the money."...glad he's there. If it's not all about us...then it's not about anyone else!!! Girls, Me...this life is not about us...it's about HIM and what He has given us to love!!! It's interesting that when a crisis comes up...we will find ourselves sitting by our loved ones bed and holding their hand and think of all of the "What if's." Will it click in our brains before that happens???

As I listened to a lady in our Sunday School class this Sunday talk...during prayer requests she said, "This week take time to love your spouse." Hers died just a few months ago of a brain tumor. I watched the 2 of them come to our class...his head with a huge scar on the side, his one arm not moving...and I watched them together. Holding hands, cherishing each other...the love. I told her thank you for her comment, after class. She said, "You never know how long you have." Oh, girls...do you get it? Do I? WOW!!! Can we have gentleness for our spouse? Can we get rid of the me syndrome??? I think of Joanne Foltz, missionary in Tanzania...she arrived back in Arusha yesterday all by herself...her husband died so quickly...now she faces a mission field on her own...when will start thinking of the one's God gave us and truly cherish them?

Many of us might not make it out of our houses except for Walmart on most days...but, I look at those missionaries in other countries who never get pedicures, who never get to go to the mall or a hair dresser. I look at those women hiding their kids from vandals and hoping a bomb or a rapist doesn't fall prey to them in the darkness of the night tonight. I look at the mom who gives her rice or mush to her starving baby, as she is starving as well and dying from aids. I can sacrifice and not be the "It" person, can't I? Those instances I just gave...those are the norm in this world...what we do daily is not!

Even though this country teaches that that is important. Even though those "Babylon lights" are flashing..."Pick me, enjoy me, waste money on me, give your kids to me, you deserve a me day." I don't have to be, "Tag you're it." I pray to choose not too. Girls I have to ask, "When will it click?"

I pray to be more like Him. I want to be gentle, patient, kind, loving, a sacrifice. Not for anyone to say, "Hey, look at her." No! I just want that so I can be more like my Father. I want to please Him and be on this earth to learn to be more like Him, to learn to love like Him and to love Him. I don't want to sin with being of this world...yes, it can be a sin. It has to be the right balance...100% God, seriously girls, that is truth! Pick up our cross and follow Him.

How do I do this...how do I give myself to my Lord, and to my family with not being the "It man", the "It's all about me man." or "I need a day, whiny man."? Trust me I do need a day here and there...but, that's not to be my focus. No, I'm not saying it's wrong to do some fun things...but, it has to be with the right focus...girls! "I don't deserve a thing." Really I don't...so, my day can't focus around me.

Actually I found this one verse on gentleness to hit it on the head:

2 Tim 2:24-25 (NNAS) The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

Friends, we are bond-servants to our Lord. What does that mean? Webster says this:

Main Entry: bond servant

Function: noun

Date: 15th century

: one bound to service without wages; also : slave

We are bound to our Lord without wages. We are slaves to what our Lord commands and asks. We are here for nothing more than to serve our Master! We don't deserve anything girls...nothing! So, why do we focus so much on "Me"? Because we are sinners of course...but, also because this Babylon world entices us, this is satan's territory and he wants nothing more than to have us thinking of ourselves! And we so many times defend ourselves...sigggghhhh on that one, huh?

Today I want to learn how to have gentleness and to give myself fully to what God wants. So, what does scripture say?

Eph 4:1-2 (NNAS) Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love.

Col 3:12-13 (NNAS) So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

1 Tim 6:11 (NNAS) But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.

Specific applications of gentleness:

James 3:13 (NNAS) Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.

1 Pet 3:15-16 (NNAS) But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.

1 Tim 3:2-3 (NNAS) An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money.

2 Tim 2:24-25 (NNAS) The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

Gal 6:1 (NNAS) Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

Prov 15:1 (NNAS) A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
OH, that last one. I needed that today. If I'm harsh then I have placed my family on sinking sand girls. The day is going to sink! If I show gentleness...I will expect gentleness. How this morning has went so well...it might have helped that I've been up since 4:50am and am a bit tired (it's keeping me calm...HA!). But, this is for sure what is on my mind.

Just had to share that this mornings Devotions were precious...sitting with my kids on the floor and with 1 dog and 1 new puppy...it was sweet. I love this time with my kiddos! They even put the dogs paws together while we were praying!

Dear Lord, I pray today to just say thank you for showing your steadfastness and your faithfulness to me. In bible study today I was asked to write some of the petitions to you that seemed equally unimpressive by global standards. I think of praying that you would keep bad dreams from my kids, help us through school, give me wisdom to teach and patience through school, and to help the puppy not to poop in her crate. All of that Lord became so real to me when I wrote it out...I sometimes forget to thank you for your answered prayer. Why would you answer anything if I can't thank you for the little things. Thank you Lord for keeping the puppy accident free this morning, thank you that my kids slept well. Thank you Lord for giving me wisdom to teach my kids. Thank you for reminding me to teach them Truth 1st and foremost...the rest of learning will come to them if I remember to place your word 1st in their lives and in everything they learn. Thank you for godly curriculum. Thank you for reminding me of gentleness this morning and getting me to practice it. Thanks for reminding me that this life is not all about me. How I know I will fail and I will see myself back into myself...when I do Lord, help me to focus back on you. I know I am a work in progress, but I AM YOUR WORK IN PROGRESS, I AM YOURS DEAR LORD! That's all that matters. Thank you Lord! And Thank You Lord for being gentle with me and not giving me the lashings I deserve, the words I deserve, but speaking to me in your gentleness. You are amazing!

"This is me. Humbled by His presence, humbled by His trust in me with His children, Humbled that He allows me to teach my kids all about Him. And humbled to be His work in progress."

Another day, another dollar...

2009-10-28T08:18:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning and my immediate 1st thought was, "I'm not here for just another day, I'm here for one big reason. To learn to be like my Lord, to love and be loved."

Today is not about, "Another day, another dollar." (Yes, some might find themselves in a position where they have to go to work...but, that's still not why we are here.) I turned on the t.v. this morning while I drank my morning coffee. The story that was playing was about "Love notes from a 6 year old". It was about a 6 year old little girl who died from cancer...but, before she did she made over 600 pages of notes to her family, to her sister. These letters are really the only way her sister will remember her (she's little and will more than likely forget those memories).

Wow, girls! Another reminder from my Lord. We are not here for anything else but, to learn how to love and reach others. As I watch my unsaved neighbors move today (there house sold in 3 days)...I think, "Lord thank you for putting it so on my heart a couple of months ago to pack up some clothes for their little girl and take them over and finally ask, "Do you know the Lord and if you're saved?" That day the love flowed and the tears did also. I'm glad I did it because I might not get another chance with them.

Today, will I focus more on "getting school done" (because in this nation we live in...it's paramount, it's "what it's all about" to be anyone, or anything in this nation...remember the Daniel Bible study and how that was #1 in Babylon...education and the way they looked...sounds so familiar, doesn't it?). Yes, I am making a bit of fun this morning about our focus in this country. Why? Because our Lord wasn't a scholar girls, He was a creative free thinker! His disciples were hard working laborers...not suited business men! Wild hard working men!
And yes we will keep plugging along with school...I'm not stopping...lol! But, I will put my God 1st. Today...I don't want it to just be about school (many days it is...I just want to get it done)...I want to take the time to love on my kids, to show them that they matter...today could be our last day together...we just don't know!!! Give them that one soft touch today...reach out and touch their sweet face and give them that tenderness...

And what about our hubbies...do we want to figure out or finally give in to loving them when they are on their death bed (they could be tomorrow girls...we never know)...or do we want to love them the way we should starting right now?

I want to remember to show love. Oh, girls how I struggle. How I snap and get short tempered. I was watching "18 kids and counting" last night. They all say that "mom" never raises her voice. And Jim Bob talked about that it's much more important to show by example and to control our tempers and the way we speak and the kids will follow suit. Man! I so want to be soft speaking and control what I say and do, control my temper. It's not all the time that I loose control...but, the times I do...I always remember their eyes, their sad looks. I pray that I will remember that. I want to be more like my Lord.

I want to walk this world like Jesus did...as just a passing land. As just a stomping ground, a temporary place. This is my training ground...and girls sometimes I'm not learning a thing...or maybe I'm learning but, not progressing. It's a one shot life girls, no dress rehearsal. When will we stop playing satans game? Seriously? He wants us wrapped up in this world. I so want to put God 1st and remember to be more like Him...I want to be here to love and be loved and to reach others!

"This is Me"...waking up with strong thoughts put on my mind, how to do it I must find. I want to please Him, if I don't...well it's just simply a sin!

He wants to leap off the page to you...

2009-10-15T08:22:00.002-05:00

Girls, God wants to reach out to you and leap off the pages of His word and
into your heart.

Are you willing to embrace Him, and let Him heal you?

Are you willing to "let it all go" and give yourself freely to Him?

Let Him hold you today and show you what His purpose is for you.

You were not made in His image to just exist on this earth, or to carpool,
or to shop, or to look for the newest and latest thing. You were not made in
His image to waste your days on things of this world. You were made to
follow Him, to be here completely for Him.

Isn't it time? Isn't it time to let Him grab hold of you? And you grab hold
of Him?

What did His word say to you today? Isn't it high time you dust off
His word and take it off the shelf and see what He has for you.

He's longing to wrap you in His arms? Are you also longing for Him?

"This is me"...I so love this photo. I want to understand my Lord's words so well that I can fully feel him in my presence. He is amazing girls. He makes my stomach do whirls. Don't you want that today, or will it just be another wasted day of play?

I don't know how long it will stick...

2009-10-12T08:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I am off of Facebook. It has been so on my mind for months. I did take a break some time back and then found myself not able to resist getting back on. That's where I found the problem.

I can tell it's a weakness and I don't want weakness in my life. I also found that taking time out during family outings to either check Facebook or make a comment of "what we were doing" was such a take from my family. Especially when you have both parents doing it...uggghhh.

I am still processing how much of pride and "show" was playing into it. "This is what I'm doing right now." (who really needs to know?). And posting pict's while on vacation...is that a form of bragging (even though I didn't exactly feel that...felt more of excitement to share). I don't know.

But, girls I do know that it's a personal decision and one I had to make. I just kept thinking back to my grandma (mow) and all of the hardworking women in my past...and I thought, "What am I doing in my life that is hard and a sacrifice?" Skimping on making a wonderful meal for my family because I'm sitting on the couch Facebooking instead, or watching t.v. instead? Or what about all of those projects that need to get done...but, instead hours a day doing useless stuff? What about telling my kids hold on during school or just during a time I could be playing with them...to check Facebook or watch a t.v. show, etc.?

I want to be a woman of honor to my Lord. A woman of strength and of dedication to my family. I don't owe the Facebook community of friends anything. But, I do owe a lot to my Lord and to my family because of the covenants I made with them.

So, instead of "one upping someone" or saying "look at me" (even though that's not what I was thinking exactly). And instead of getting in the middle of debates...I am just to strong of a person to be quiet, so I need to find a way to silence myself from feeling the urge to state my opinion...I want to work on things that I am weak at...I want to honor my Lord. So, I need to move on with my life. This is a one shot life. I want to do the best I can.

Will I ever get back on. I cant' say never. But, I kinda hope it won't happen atleast for now.

I will post my blog updates on Darren's Facebook page or from email.

"This is me"...making a tough decision which saying that seems so silly...but, a weakness I have of wasting countless time each day...so, a change I will make today!

"A little bit of Esther in my life..."

2009-10-10T00:00:00.012-05:00

Do you know what song came to my mind this morning? "A little bit of Esther in my life, A little bit of God by my side. A little bit of you makes me your child..."

I haven't thought of this tune in years (obviously it wasn't with the words I put in it...lol)...and it popped in my head this morning. I don't know all of it...just the 1st couple of words. I'm not good at "remembering words in tunes". It's funny how catchy tunes stick with you over the years. I don't even know who sings it...but, I must have heard it on the radio a few times...lol!

Well, Esther is just what I needed in my life at this time. There has been a few days that I told my Lord, "I don't want to listen to this and do this." It has been pretty touchy (especially the 1st couple of weeks). But, oh how God has a plan. With needing to hear about her not having parents...check mark...that's the boat I'm floatin'. To dealing with the pain and knowing I am God's...it was my appointed time to do this bible study and to get a phone call from a relative that helped me realize what I needed to do...deal with my anger, (things with my mom), and to not sin because of it and to realize this is what it is and move on. That God has a plan and knows the big picture...praise you Jesus!

All of this fell into my lap during some pivotal moments with dealing with these crazy family issues. I could be devastated. I have the right to just lay down and throw in the towel right? But, more than that I choose to be totally amazed and in awe of my Lord's timing. And the strength He can provide. He is incredible!!!

I've realized so many things...I think my strong personality and "get to the point" attitude comes from being a scrapper. Having to "work it out" in a crazy family situation that I've had since I was ummm, Born! Look at Joseph. He could have just given up...his family deserted him, he was a slave. But, he choose to be strong, a scrapper in prison, and to trust His Lord and not to tippy toe around. Those pivitol decisions put him in charge of the land of Egypt! I don't think I'll make it that far...lol!!!

So, today's lesson was incredible. I'm glad I didn't throw in the towel on this study and pushed on...it is a Wow! This is what I read girls: Esther 4:1-3 says: When Mordecai learned of all that had been done, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the city, wailing loudly and bitterly. ² But he went only as far as the king's gate, because no one clothed in sackcloth was allowed to enter it. ³ In every province to which the edict and order of the king came, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting, weeping and wailing. Many lay in sackcloth and ashes.

What I got from this on this very rainy morning, (maybe I should be reading about Noah as we have gotten over 6 inches of rain...Ha!), was how they were weeping and mourning.

Beth said this: "The reaction showed the Jews of Persia understood their peril to be associated with their wanderings from God. They had become so worldly and so thoroughly assimilated into Persian culture that they'd lost their protective shield."

Let's stop their for a second: Who does this sound like? How many of us have just settled into this world, America, our stuff to get done, and wandered from our Lord? (In so many areas I have been there done that, even had the back stage pass!). We've gotton off of the narrow path of protection and out into the untamed, unshielded wilderness of this world?

What does assimilated mean?

Here is what Webster told me:

1 a : to take in and utilize as nourishment : absorb into the system b : to take into the mind and thoroughly comprehend 2 a : to make similar b : to alter by assimilation c : to absorb into the culture or mores of a population or group

Are we sucking up this culture, this world we're in? Has it become our nourishment? We can't get enough? Are we absorbing? Sinking into this big sponge of a worldly place and we're absorbing so much we can't find our way out? Have we become so similar to the world that we don't look any different then everyone else? Have we lost our protective shield? Do we so not fear God anymore that He has took down the shield and said, "World have at her"? Or we just simply walked off the path and away from His shield and into the wolves mouth...but, it is all so savory.

Kinda' like "Little Red Riding Hood." So uncaring, joyous enjoying everything around her and not noticing the wolf right in front of her licking his chops." The world, satan, will work to destroy us if we are out of God's protection...if we don't have the blinders on and are keeping ourselves from looking around at everything but God.

Result: Marriages, failed. Porn from one look on the Internet. Filth being taken in by t.v. shows. One to many drinks. I can handle gambling...one big loss, destroyed. I'm my kids friends...now they're away from God and possibly in jail. And on and on.

Continuing on with what Beth said: "God had told His people from the time of Moses that He'd protect them and fight their battles for them as long as they worshiped Him only. It they forgot Him, he would still love them but He would not shield them. Instead, He'd use their enemies to turn His people back to Him."

I just found this so interesting. You know, it made me think of 911. The same as with the Jews in this time...they found themselves mourning and weeping and pleading with God. They had been unshielded and attacked by their enemies. I just thought, hmmmm... after the day we were attacked by our enemies there were numerous people who had for years or all of their lives did away with God, could have cared less if He was in their lives. Had been worshiping everything but him. We saw them flocking to the church's, putting up signs about God, etc. They were doing all of this while mourning and weeping. They were returning to their God...just what He wanted in Esther. Just what He wants today!

Beth went on to say: "They remained in the comforts of a very pagan world."

Isn't it funny how many times I think of pagan as evil looking, I can recognize it, it is dark and "witchy". But, here it says "they remained in the comforts of a very pagan world." Comfort in this world, in this America doesn't seem dark and "witchy"...it seems warm and cozy and luxurious. Mmmmmm....

That just takes me back to the Daniel Bible study. Babylon, America, Vegas, New Orleans, etc. Glitz and glam, parties and no cares, that sucks us into that sponge...we absorb and absorb and we end up so into it...we can't see our way out because of all of the comforts and excitement of this world around us. Many still flock to sin city...where sin abounds...gambling, drinks, girls, risky shows, what happens there stays there mentality.

But, also all around us is comfort and luxury, right in our own neighborhood, our own home. Satan has made us feel comfortable and grand while pulling us further away from our Lord. He is making us ineffective. He can't take our salvation, but he can make us ineffective. So, into ourselves, and our stuff..."That's all that matters."

Do we forget that what happens in Vegas, God can see. What we do in our home that we think is private, our Father weeps over?

You know it makes me think of turning on the "Office" last night. Everyone it seems has been promoting it. So, I turned it on with my kids in the room. They shockingly said within the 1st 5 minutes, "What are you WATCHING!" I was so embarrassed.

There had been 6 times, (I rewound and counted after they were out of the room), God's name had been used in vain, cussing, and sexual talk...in those 1st few minutes. I turned it off. Then I went back to it after a bit, curious why so many Christians talk it up..."Was I missing something?", I thought. It was even worse...Whoa! I don't need a third look! Has many just become comfortable and used to this kind of stuff?

I have been there done that, I have watched things I shouldn't. But, I am so glad God has made me aware and alert to these things now! Even if I have tried to"just watch it anyway"...I just find I can't.

We might all need to check our info page on Facebook, (check the info page of our hearts), and see what we've wrote...Favorite books? Favorite shows listed? You know, if I see a movie listed by a christian that I respect, I think, "I will rent that." I have begun to think twice and check out the reviews online 1st. I have promoted things in the past, and thought later, "Why?" That wasn't something I should have sat through let alone promoted.

Why are we so numb? So fearless to what God thinks? Hmmm... We can say, "Oh, it's not that bad." Question: Can our kids remain in the room during the "non-married" sex scenes? If they can't then it's not okay...oh, how I need to remember this. If we have to shew them out then we are sinning girls!

If they aren't watching our Father is. I really am not here to judge anyone...my closet is full of sin. I am just hoping to make us all aware of what we are doing. I want to be so aware that I run from sin. Because once you dabble in it, it becomes easier the next time, it becomes the norm, it becomes comfortable. If we don't think about that what we are doing is wrong, if we tuck it away and try not to think that it's not pleasing to our Lord...then satan wins! And if we take our "secret or not so secret sins" and promote them for hundreds to read...we are working for satan and pulling down others who quite possibly can't handle it and end up in major sin. Something they were never comfortable in before...now they find themselves comfortable.

It really is that serious sisters...I am seeing Pastors walking away from everything...families, ministry, life...for what they found on the Internet, etc. Why do I choose pastors to talk about...because if it can happen to them...it can happen to any of us! And my prayer has been for those that are broken and they need to return to God. Oh, how I pray they will.

This is happening because we have been numbed to this life, this world. We slowly get so absorbed we can't get out. It can happen to any of us and we so have to run from these things and for sure not promote them to others!

This makes me think of going to the movies to watch "Race to witch mountain." with the kids. We had heard that "17 again" was awesome, (maybe I'm just very old fashioned or not in tune with what young kids are watching...I don't think so though). So, when we got to the theater we saw both listed and we decided to go to 17 again instead. Not even 1/4 of the way through the movie it was not good...words had been bad, Corbin was the 1st to say, "Should we leave?" I had been just thinking that. Then the next scene was in a sex ed class talking about how to put a condom on. So, girls do we just sit through it and stay polite to those around us and think, "Well, I paid for it, we're gonna stay." or "They are gonna' hear it anyway." My kids are 9 and 11...just babes! I don't know about you...but, we got up and we walked out....wishing we had went to the other movie.

Same thing happened on our last cruise. The kids program took the kids to see one of the shows (my kids were in the group). I just felt uneasy about it so we decide to go to the show also. We sat just back behind the kids group. The show was full of racey clothing and then a song came on with bad words and sexual moves. I was so embarrased and mad that the kids group was there. So, do I just let them sit through it? No, we went down and removed our kids (it was such an ordeal to the workers because we had not properly signed them out)...it was my kids we took them. Later they said that they saw nothing wrong with the show and the sexy stuff and words.

I didn't want to be one who settled into the comfy seat and was okay with it. Well, I've been there and watched all kinds of stuff in the past and it didn't' really bother me. I'm so glad it bothers me now! I'm much more aware of what I watch since I have kids. And I for some time fell into watching movies and "trying to ignore the words", etc.

The words on "The Office" show and the talk of male body parts, over and over was insane. But, there were those kicked back in their p.j.'s laughing it up (been there done that in years past)...I'm so glad that God changed me and moved me from that! I don't want to become comfortable.

Proverbs 4:10-27 NIV says,

^10-15 Dear friend, take my advice;
it will add years to your life.
I'm writing out clear directions to Wisdom Way,
I'm drawing a map to Righteous Road.
I don't want you ending up in blind alleys,
or wasting time making wrong turns.
Hold tight to good advice; don't relax your grip.
Guard it well—your life is at stake!
Don't take Wicked Bypass;
don't so much as set foot on that road.
Stay clear of it; give it a wide berth.
Make a detour and be on your way.

^16-17 Evil people are restless
unless they're making trouble;
They can't get a good night's sleep
unless they've made life miserable for somebody.
Perversity is their food and drink,
violence their drug of choice.

^18-19 The ways of right-living people glow with light;
the longer they live, the brighter they shine.
But the road of wrongdoing gets darker and darker—
travelers can't see a thing; they fall flat on their faces.

Learn It by Heart

^20-22 Dear friend, listen well to my words;
tune your ears to my voice.
Keep my message in plain view at all times.
Concentrate! Learn it by heart!
Those who discover these words live, really live;
body and soul, they're bursting with health.

^23-27 Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that's where life starts.
Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth;
avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip.
Keep your eyes straight ahead;
ignore all sideshow distractions.
Watch your step,
and the road will stretch out smooth before you.
Look neither right nor left;
leave evil in the dust.

Am I too comfortable? On many things I am, but I am working on becoming aware, working on being uncomfortable. I was not placed on this earth to be comfortable...was Christ comfortable being stripped naked? Being beat? Having bones broken? Having large nails driven into him? Dying on that cross? Are you too comfortable? We have to not settle into this world we're in.

Beth continued to say: "When word of the edict announcing their upcoming demise hit the streets, they suddenly realized they had sinned against God and took on the actions of repentant people wishing to return. Can you grasp the great significance?"

Wow! That again reminds me of 911. All of a sudden people were straightening their lives out, asking for repentance, wishing to return to God. People were flocking back to Him, the church's were filled. All of us were scared we were gonna' die. But, what a time to suddenly realize they had sinned. But, that is what happened then and during 911. I find the parallel amazing.

But, now...everyone is settled back into their comfy p.j.'s and they are all snug and comfortable yet again. Will God use a wake up call to bring His people to Him (I don't know if God did that with 911...maybe, maybe not...the 2 stories are so similar however). But, if He didn't do it then, will He? He longs for us to be with Him, He demands it and wants it.

The question is, "Will we listen? Will we turn away from this world?" Or will He get fed up and demand our attention? I don't know...but, it's just a confirmation to me to continue with loving Him. Continue being bold for Him and risking loosing a few friends along the way...those friends who hate hearing and getting their toes stepped on because they have them so immersed in the warm waters of this worlds pedicures, this worlds pampering, this worlds enticing that they would rather say, "You're to into the bible. You're overboard. You are no fun. You take things to serious." How much into God is to much?

We should be radical for Him girls...He should be all we truly desire. Shouldn't we be radical?

"This is me." So in need. I just want to follow and please. Shoot me down, say I'm a clown...I don't care, that easy I do not scare. I love my Lord, oh He's who I adore!

There are 2 new posts below!

2009-10-08T19:11:00.001-05:00

Keep pressing on...

2009-10-08T08:50:00.006-05:00

Girls there is just so much going on in this head of mine. It seems like such a small space to hold so many thoughts. I sometimes wonder if my brain will explode with everything running through it...lol!

I just wanted to encourage each of you this morning. What has been on my heart this past week is that if God has led you and pressed upon your heart to do something...you are capable!

Oh, girls how I struggle with that very statement. My hands are a big shaky thinking about it, my heart is racing...it is racing some from fear and some from excitement from thinking about doing what God wants.

How do we know that God is leading us to do something? I think it's the nagging...lol! I'm tellin' you girls...each time the Lord has pressed something on my heart...He doesn't just leave the thought there, He fills my soul, my heart, my tiny brain with so many thoughts. Just like putting together a retreat...it's not something I ever thought I could do. But, He has thought otherwise. And He doesn't let up girls.

Is there something in your life that He is pressing on your heart and you are trying to ignore, (been there done that)? Maybe your questioning if it's just something you want to do and is it really the Lord pressing me to do it? Trust me...you'll know. Those pressing, nagging thoughts don't come from us. Especially if it's something we would think we would never do or feel comfortable with. Or we think, "In a million years I never thought I would be thinking about doing...fill in the blank." I'm still amazed with the ideas that are floating around in my heart and brain...in a million years I would not have thought that this is where I would be and what I would be consumed with...wow! But, they don't go away, I can't push them out...I've tried. But, it doesn't work...they keep resurfacing.

When He's ready I can tell. The ideas pop into my head from outa' no where it seems. Things I would not just come up with. I'm not even sitting down racking my brain...things are racing through with the rush of a tidal wave. Ideas that I could never just dream up. Themes, bible verses, life changing ideas that I am so uncomfortable myself with pursuing I think, "If I wouldn't want to face that, why would I present it to other ladies to face." Maybe because I need to face it and share it!!! Maybe just because God said!

Girls, we might feel so unworthy, so incapable...but, God knows. God knows what He can do through this one child. I'm tellin' you I don't think it's normal to have the thoughts I have...who stops and pulls over to type in a blog idea on the side of the road into a blackberry? I do, because it's so impressed on me that I need to do just that. I feel a bit mental some of the time...lol! But, yet I feel so alive! Who can be walking through the parking lot and see something as little as an action of someone or a cloud in the sky and say, "Whoa!" And an idea sparks. That isn't me doing that, that isn't you doing that...that is our Lord speaking!

So, are we gonna' press forward? Are we gonna' take what He gives us and be bold enough to act on those things. I'm scared girls, I'm feeling unworthy. I love the story I saw one time...a lady said she didn't understand why God would choose her to do His work. She said, "I'm nothing. I'm not a pastors wife, I'm not a great speaker, at least I don't think." Then she said, "Well, God must have looked down and realized that everyone else wasn't willing or had died and He said, "Okay, at least she's willing and not dead...she'll just have to do!" I think that is so funny!!!! But, it is the way I feel..."Why me?"

We might have friends that think we're crazy. Or they've seen the immature side and think, "They shouldn't stand up and say a word." Uggghh. None of us are perfect. But, God can mature us and mold us. I just heard a song this morning that said, "I wish you could see me now." I do so wish many could see me as who I am today and not who I was in High School, or even who I was a month ago. I will fail, I will mess up. But, God can work miracles. God can use a willing vessel. Look in the bible...wow! How many were a mess even while God was using them. Being transparent and showing we are not perfect is awesome. It's also scary and like standing naked in front of those who "really" know us. But, aren't we all a mess in some way? Many a day things come out of my mouth that I wish I could take back. I get carried away, I loose control many a time, I don't always present myself as the lady I should be. But, I learn, I desire, I want to be in Christs image. Things I've tried have not always went the way they should, some things a disaster...I count that as a learning experience. Things I've got myself pulled into, makes me ashamed...but, I've learned so much and know there are certain things that I will never get into again! If you are that way...then God can use you!

You know we might be a bit rusty, we might be a bit unstable and wobbly to begin. We might think, "Well, the one time I did what He asked I didn't do my best." "The first time I did what He asked I spoke and it wasn't as good as I thought." "I got a bit carried away and I don't think I was effective." Whatever it is. You know, We all start with baby steps. And there are some falls along the way. But, the more we press forward and keep looking towards the prize, the more polished we will become. God, will mold us into what He wants. We just can't give up. No one's 1st's are really ever pretty or perfect (I think of Bro. Grey fainting the 1st 2 times he preached...disaster! But, he didn't quit). It does take time. But, doing it and being willing to obey is so much more important!

Speaking to someone about Christ might be so hard. The way everything comes out might seem to be a disaster. We might totally forget scripture, or stumble over our words...but, as we continue to do it...We will become more comfortable.

I think back to speaking to the college girls, or speaking for the 1st time in front of a bunch of ladies...I think the hardest is in front of ladies you know! I remember doing a skit in front of over 5,000 people for a business function. Walking out on that stage...whew! You know the 1st time I spoke I thought, "I could have been more funny, or I wish I would have said this instead." But, it's the 1st. Sometimes the things we say in front of people we shouldn't have said and it seems like it won't do much for our testimony...but, we have to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and gets carried away, etc. We all have regrets. But, with that God can mold us. We can learn. We just can't give up.

We have to continue pressing towards God's goal. Pressing on because God asked us to. We might not know how it is gonna' work out. There might be huge obstacles blocking the way and we can't see how it is ever gonna' work. But, God is well GOD! If it's His plan...it will work. I thought about that with the last couple of retreats I put together. I had obstacles, I felt unworthy, I didn't know how it would ever happen...but, God had a plan...and God is well GOD. And they did happen. Were they perfect? No. Did I learn things I would do and would not do again? Yes. Have I matured because of the learning experience, yes. But, more importantly I saw God work it all out...if it's what He wants, it will happen. If we don't step up to do it, (heard my pastors wife say this last night), God will find someone else. Will we miss our opportunity?

So, whatever God has asked you to do. Whatever destiny He has for you. You can do it. It might make you shaky and you might feel like you need to throw up. Throw up and move on! Pray a lot and keep going! If it's truly what God wants...with prayer and Him...it will all fall into place.

Press onward girls. We are only here to honor and please Him. We are here to do what He has asked us to do. It might seem impossible...but, it's not. God is a God of possible not impossible!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

I love the way the Message says it:

^12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

^15-16So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.

I have to say that I have not obtained what He has given me...I'm still being molded, and I am not perfected yet...but, I am not going to say no to Him. And I am for sure not an expert in any of this. But, I'm gonna' learn from the past, but also forget it so it doesn't hold me back and I am going to press towards what is ahead. That is what I have to do. I fear my Lord enough to know that I have to obey.

Love ya girls!!! Keep pressing on!

"This is me"...a girl who feels so utterly unworthy, utterly shaken, but with my Lord I have been taken. I want to follow and obey Him, if I don't then it is a sin. Where do I start? I just have to follow my heart!

See the playlist to the right and the song, "Never been unloved"!

2009-09-16T15:45:00.002-05:00

As I noticed a lady at church Sunday with shoulders that hunched forward a bit I was hit with a realization. This lady is an incredible woman of God. This woman has been a prayer warrior for many. This woman has spent countless hours in prayer, with her head bowed to her Lord.

I hope I have hunched shoulders from prayer, and wrinkles from thought and worry of others, and smile lines from loving my Lord.

"This is me"...wanting to show my love for the Lord and have that be what people recognize about me when I am an elderly woman.

Is your mirror stuck...

2009-09-12T17:59:00.006-05:00

I have to say that the mirror is not my favorite place to spend time. I seem to find the imperfections when I'm there. I for sure don't want to stand naked in the mirror, or be in the dreaded dressing room trying on bathing suit's...how depressing the thought makes me. Yes, girls that's just me bein' real...this is me...a girl who knows to stay away from what doesn't make her happy...lol!

Today however I had to think that not everyone has that same feeling. As I was pulling out of Walmart (how I tire of that trip), I was waiting at the light behind a car with a what seemed to be "fixed" up lady in it. I never saw her face...but, I saw her poofy hair, her earrings, and her mirror. Her mirror? Yes, her mirror.

As I waited behind her, I noticed her look, look again, and look several more times at the mirror that was cocked sideways, and facing directly towards her. I will say that the car wasn't a Mercedes, it wasn't even one that I would find myself looking twice at to buy. But, you would have thought that she was "Miss Thing" in a stretch limo. Did you hear the snap in my fingers when I said that?

So, I became intrigued. I kept watching and was glad she was headed the same direction I was...I really didn't want to turn off my path to follow her...but, I think I would have just to see if my "theory" played out. As the light turned we moved forward. The mirror never moved. Next light...still no adjustment of the mirror. It was fixed and focused right where she could catch a glimpse. Okay many glimpses. "Hair, looookin' good doll face." "Lipstick, ewww I'm perty." "Blush, well I'm gonna make him blush." "Botox, can't believe it made me look this gooood." "Oh, yeah I can work it, girl." HA! I can hear her one on one conversation under that poofy fake blond, over 50 head.

Miss Thing couldn't see who was behind her, and she wasn't using proper "mirror safety" while driving. I'll give her one thought that maybe the mirror was broke and stuck that way. But, I seriously doubt that. Because I watched her...she continued to glance at herself in the mirror. No, girls...I know what you're thinking. She wasn't applying her makeup. She had both hands on the wheel. I think she was just all into herself.

I had to think...is my mirror ever stuck? Am I only focused on me and no one around me? Am I doing what God has placed me on this earth to do or am I just all into myself and my pleasures? Is my mirror stuck on my pleasures and not focused on my God? If I really looked, He is always in the mirror looking back at me...He never looses focus on me even when I loose focus on Him.

I can think of some individuals who kept their focus on God. If they had not they would have been sucked into all of the stuff the world has to offer. Who am I referring to? Let's look in Daniel.

Daniel 1:8 says: But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way.

The offerings to him was "royal" ladies. Royal. Who can resist a bit of royalty? A bit of pampering? Obviously one, Daniel, who knew if the cost was focus on His God...He was gonna' say no.

How many times do I not resist? The new shoes look to good, (don't need them, can't afford them, shopping takes away from my family). Lookin' good is the most important, (it is fine to look good...but, when it consumes us? When it is a top priority?). Working out and taking hours from our family doing it, (it's okay to work out for health, but, to do it just to have a tight butt and smaller jeans and loosing focus on what really matters?) Nice house, nice car, consuming food until I'm unhealthy, "needing" friends of class, and on and on. Some of those things are okay except when the lights, glamour, and stuff takes center stage of our lives and consumes us.

When we are working "to get", "to be", instead of working to give our money to missions, to our church. Where work and things have consumed us that we would never step out on faith and say, "Lord show me what you want. If you want something different for us please show us. If you want us to be missionaries, or anything else, I am willing." If we're so into all of it that we could never give it all up...problems with focus.

I read this: In this world we give up our values in order to get stronger.

Is that true? If so, then how do we get our values back? I think we give our all to God. And stop pretending that what He says, what His word says doesn't really matter.

This is what I read in the Daniel Bible study by Beth Moore:

The image Nebuchadnezzar built had a brightly colored banner over it proclaiming, "I am, and there is none besides me!" Having the people bow down to the image was tantamount to having them bow down to him. Babylonian thinkers need others to bow in order to feel tall. Ebuchadnezzar didn't bother bending the knees of ordinary people. Babylonian-size egos need bigger strokes than that. They need the strokes of VIPs.

Dear one, I'm a part of this culture just like you are. I'm having my eyes opened to the permeating influence of our Babylonian culture, too. Please don't think for a moment that any point or question I offer you arises from an attitude of condemnation or, God forbid, superiority. I esteem you highly, and I'm pondering the same questions right beside you. Nebuchadnezzar's display heralds some loud questions: do we feel more important when surrounded by those we deem important? Do we feel more important when someone important notices us? Do we like to be seen with those who seem important? Are we name-makers? Or name-droppers? Eve the most timid yes to any of these questions nods its head to Babylonian indoctrination.

The need for identity and a sense of significance is as human as our DNA. We begin this search in pursuit of ourselves only to arrive sorely disappointed. Cavernously empty. The honest sojourner cannot stop there no matter how high he's climbed or what position he's attained. if he does, he will forfeit his soul. In search of truth, he is driven beyond himself until all he finds is God. And in bowing down, he is lifted up.

The world says, "Seek position!" The word says, "Seek God!"

What about if you don't think you're "Miss Thing" in this world and you think the opposite? That you're "Miss Nothing".

Beth Moore said this:

I'll never forget the first time God exposed my periodic bouts of self-loathing as just another form of self-absorption. I was shocked, having thought all along that it was a sign of humility. Nothing like priding yourself in hating yourself. Beloved, let's let this one sink in deeply: constantly thinking little of ourselves is still thinking constantly of ourselves. We can build a poor self-image with our preoccupation until it becomes 90 feet tall.

What about 3 dudes in the bible that are also great examples of focusing on God:

When Nebuchadnezzar said, "Bow to my statue." 3 guys named Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said, "I think I'll stand Neb." (my interpretation!) They were not going to take their focus off of God even though all of the VIPs around them were on the ground with their noses in the dirt. This is what they said when told they would be thrown in the lions den to die:

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter." Daniel 3:16

Not only did they not loose focus...they weren't going to argue about it or make excuses. They new that their loyalty to God meant that God had their back.

So, how do we get our focus right?

Romans 12:2 the message says this: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Isn't that awesome! If we turn our mirrors towards God...He will change us from the inside out. All of the outward stuff won't mean so much. And girls, we can breathe and say, This is me. Like it or not, I am who God made me. Talkative, opinionated personality and all, this is His design. Can I improve and curb it a bit? Most def.! But, this is me! Ball cap or perfect hair day...this is me. Take me as I am. I can let go and let God.

Are we just once in awhile glancing in the mirror of our Lord and admiring Him? "Oh, He's there if I need Him. Just checking to see that He is still there. He is wonderful." But, we are deliberately following the ways of this Babylon world we live in? We are deliberately saying, "Well, yes that might be in the bible, but, what I'm doing is not quite like that, and it is the 21st century." The bible was, is and will be truth no matter how we spin it!!!

I loved this quote I saw on a friends f.book page: "There are many who choose to admire Jesus, but only a few that choose to be transformed by truly following Jesus."

Are you just admiring Jesus in the mirror every so often. But, finding it hard to see past yourself and your big poofy hair? Is it time to be transformed girls? Get rid of the doo and sport a new style...the in style of your Lord?

And my quote is this: "I have come to realize...there is no time in my life to be someone else." I am God's and God's only and I am not going to try and be anyone different.

The focus in that mirror should be of God and of reaching others around us. Who do we see when we turn the mirror away from us? Do we see the needs, the ones not saved, the ones hurting? Do we buy the unneeded c.d. this week or give a $50.00 giftcard to the family who's baby is in ICU? Do we do what we know is right or watch the questionable show? Do we let our kids run out of control or do we take care of God's precious children?

Do we see through God's mirror? If we took the focus off of "Miss Thing" or "Miss I don't think I'm anything", and took the time to look through God Almighty's mirror we would see such flaws in our thinking. The new house, cool car, latest movie, and all the junk would not mean anything...we would see what is really important around us. God's mirror is our true looking glass.

Is your mirror stuck?

"This is me"...living in a Babylon nation, and from it all I need a vacation. I need to turn my eyes from me, and take time to really see. God put us hear for a reason, is it Him that we are every day pleasin'?

What is so hard about my day?

2009-09-11T12:08:00.015-05:00

As I got an update on my friends cancer treatment...I had to think, "What is so hard about my day?" What is so hard about your day?

Here was the email update:

We are encouraged that the doc said Scott might be released from the hospital to go back to outpatient care tomorrow.
The cottage sounds really great right now...full night sleep...no continual stream of people...you know. The Doc said the staph never really developed...yeah. They still believe he has a reaction to some medication that has caused the rash. So on to steroids (and he doesn't even play major sports:). No fever for over 3 days. About to come totally off oxygen!
For the first time, I actually watched his bone marrow biopsy today. I did not faint as some of you are wondering... I cried... He's been through so much...what a guy! I sang a few of our favorite hymns quietly in his ear.
Afterwards, I took a pic of the tool they used!!! How something that big even goes through the skin is beyond me.
Hey mom, one of our nurses used to live in Pensacola...Gulf Breeze...small world...we compared hurricane stories. Keeping in touch, Karen

WOW! I had to cry. This has been going on for months and months. Only in their 50's. 3 children at home while they are in Little Rock fighting for his life.

So, what is it today girls? Mad that Starbucks got my order wrong? Ticked off that someone cut me off in traffic? Mad that my husband is working late...praise God that He is not fighting cancer away from his family.

What is so hard about my day. Let me say...so many of us lack courage. We lack it! Many Christians have forgot what true courage is. And as my girlfriend and I discussed, then Darren & I discussed...True courage is not:

Getting up in the morning to face the day.Not jumping at the lady in front of me at Walmart because she's using coupons.Not yelling at my kids today because they are being, well, kids!Not popping a prozax today...and making the day without it.Dealing with my migrane (and I do have them).Making it through PMS this week without being so hateful.Those things are just life. Life! Common courtesies we are suppose to have. Courage isn't even a child dealing with being held captive for 18 years and treated so horrible I can't even imagine...that is survival. Do we really know what courage means???

Webster says this:

Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficultysynonyms courage, mettle, spirit, resolution, tenacity mean mental or moral strength to resist opposition, danger, or hardship. courage implies firmness of mind and will in the face of danger or extreme difficulty courage to support unpopular causes>. mettle suggests an ingrained capacity for meeting strain or difficulty with fortitude and resilience mettle>. spirit also suggests a quality of temperament enabling one to hold one's own or keep up one's morale when opposed or threatened spirit was unbroken by failure>. resolution stresses firm determination to achieve one's ends resolution of pioneer women>. tenacity adds to resolution implications of stubborn persistence and unwillingness to admit defeat tenacity>.

What is courage? It is all the examples in the bible that we see. Fighting lions in the snow and killing it. It is the scrappers for God. It is the ones in the bible that have had disease for so long and finally say...I don't care what they will do to me...I am gonna' reach out and touch Jesus' garment and brush through the crowd when it will possibly cost me my life. Because when I touch each of them they will believe they are now unclean. It's doing the impossible because we believe in God. The impossible in total fear.

It isn't even reaching those across the street that need to hear Jesus. Most of our neighbors aren't going to cause harm to us for talking about Jesus...believe me I just did and she cried, she didn't throw me out. It is so much more. It is being radical for God without caring what John Doe thinks. It's not conforming to this world and just being plain unpopular. God would not have placed so many in the bible as examples to us if it just wasn't what He expected from us. He wants us to be Wild at Heart!!!!

I see courage in my friends as they are dealing with cancer and along with that remembering just how awesome God is. They have given Him the glory every step of the way!

So, what is so hard about my day????

Feeling Tired?

2009-07-24T21:20:00.006-05:00

Girls, are you feeling tired? Worn out from the day to day?

I saw on Facebook once where one mom said that she was so ready for her kids to go back to school. Echoed after that was the sound of many moms commenting how they so agreed. The echoing of desperation, of being worn out, maybe some selfishness thrown in there (remember I don't get that "time off" from putting them back in school...I am their school...so no time for selfishness here...lol). But, I do get tired and worn down.

Well, even after a tiring week of Bible School, one where I forgot Corbin's guitar lessons even...I find myself not even talking about the physical tiredness. I'm asking if you get tired of trying to do everything yourself? Tired of trying to peace it all together, keep it all together, and make everything the way it needs or ought to be in your life?

Who are you depending on? Yourself? Yourself to be "Mighty Women of all"? You will fail. Your husband? To be man of all trades? He will fail. Putting the kids in school to alleviate all of the tension and headache? That's just a band aid...sooner or later it will come to a head. So what do we do? Where do we go? Where do we turn? Boy, there's been a lot of questions posted here. :)

Are you staying close to your Lord? Devotions not just in the morning, but with the family at night, devotions on your own before bed? Prayer without ceasing. Praying before you react, and speak? So, much time with God that it seems like an obsession (we should be obsessed girls, we should be)? Where are you with the Lord? Could you be on the other end...in such desperation and only calling on Him when you're in a real jam? Only calling out His name to ask why, instead of calling on Him to just praise Him? Where are you?

This is what I read before bed tonight (as if the Lord is speaking):

Keep close to Me and you shall know the Way because, as I said to My disciples, I am the Way. That is the solution to all earth's problems.
Keep close, very close to Me. Think, act, and live in My Presence.
How dare any foe touch you, protected by Me! That is the secret of all Power, all Peace, all Purity, all influence, the keeping very near to Me.
Abide in Me. Live in My Presence. Rejoice in My Love. Thank and Praise all the time. Wonders are unfolding.

"And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." Exodus 33:14

You need to rest? You need to make it through the day? You need to make it the summer with your kids? Then find rest in Him. Ask Him to guide you and to change your focus. Focus on Him instead of things that annoy you or get you off track. He is the way and the answer to all of life's problems.

You know, I started praying way before I began homeschooling my kids. I asked God to show me what He wanted us to do with our kids for school. Christian or Public (never said homeschooling...ha!). When homeschooling was brought up by a friend (who her kids are actually in public school and she never did end up homeschooling)...I thought she was a bit crazy. But, I was intrigued. Do you think that was by accident? No, God had a plan from way before I knew it. But, I had to be in His presence, in His arms and resting in order to hear that plan.

Sometimes we don't listen. We are to busy being busy that we miss what God is telling us. He has a plan for us and we are taking the much undesired long wide road to get to our destination. If we would still ourselves and listen to His direction, we would be able to take the narrow road with some ease and rest.

Why do I find everyday a blessing with my kids, without wanting to pull my hair out every second? Because I began praying about what He wanted a long time ago. With that He will never give us something that we cannot handle. He has given me the ability to love my kids 24/7. Praise You God! I would not be able to do that on my own.

So, if you are having a hard time with coping with your kids this summer (it's only how many weeks?)...then turn to God. Ask Him for what He wants you to do? How He wants you to learn to handle those feelings and emotions. Rest in Him and He will show you. If you are dealing with any issues, marriage, hormones, depression, etc. Ask God to slow you down enough to listen and then follow Him. Rest in Him.

He will give you rest in all situations you are going through. It says it right there in Exodus 33:14. And how we do that is to live, breath, sleep, eat up our Lord and His Word. We have to be close, super close to Him. We have to be so close that we can bump into Him at any moment. We have to be in His Presence at all times. If we are off meandering down that wide open road...we are going to be so far from Him that we are going to run out of steam from exhaustion. But, if we stay nose to nose with Him, in hands reach...we will be able to stay on the narrow path He has given us and find rest in His arms. Oh, girls...doesn't it sound good to just give it up in God's arms. Amen.

"This is me"...finding rest, it really is the best. You find you can do things, things you never would have believed.

Extreme Makeover

2009-07-17T12:45:00.005-05:00

The kids and I have went out the last 2 days to see the home being built for "Extreme Makeover Home Edition". It's amazing how quick it has went up. Yesterday we saw the 1st 2x4's going up for the walls. Today the walls and "pre-siding" is up. WOW!

It is a neat thing to go out and see and be a part of. A family of 8 were living in about 800 square feet (you can go to kspr.com to see the video of the inside of their old house. They were putting kids in the dining and laundry rooms. They hardly had room to video tape the inside. Amazing.

I will say that I was sad that our church friends did not get chosen (they were one of the four waiting to find out)...but, I know that each family chosen all had needs...I can't imagine how they come to a decision of who. Actually we met a family that had been up for the house and did not get chosen either. They were right there watching, with their handicapped daughter with them. The dad was working on the project. Another man was working in honor of his daughter who was handicapped and I saw a girl walking through who was helping who had half of her head shaved and a huge scar across her head (some type of brain surgery). I just realized how many are hurting and need support from friends, family and neighbors. It really touched me.

Here's some photos (today we got to watch them tape a segment for the show...they were up on a large lift).

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

God is good!

2009-07-16T09:35:00.005-05:00

Woke up feeling great this morning!

I have had some coffee, played a few games of Mario Cart with Corbin, gave my beautiful girl some attention...now I'm gonna catch up on some school paperwork.

If you expect a good day...you'll find it. The Son is shining at all times. You just have to choose to feel the goodness from Him. I could choose to continue to feel bummed and sad (my last post)...or I can have my moment and then choose to make the next day GREAT, not just good. I don't have time for depression...life is to good to get me down. I don't want the clouds to cover me...I just want the Son!

Love ya girls!!!

"This is me"...having a great day at 9:37 in the morning! I want to live every day as if it might be my last...because we never know. Let's live it up girls...soak in the Son!!! (Listen to the song..."Praise You With a Dance" on my playlist to the right. He's brought me out of the pit of sadness...I think I'll do a little dance this morning to this song. He's worthy girls, He is so worthy!

Gotta let it go...

2009-07-14T23:59:00.003-05:00

Well, you find me laying in bed with my laptop propped up on my legs. I was on my way to bed. I opened up the devotion book I've been reading at night and I really enjoyed what I read...I will share that at a different time. But, after I read my devotion I decided to flip back to February. You see, I wasn't for sure if I had written down anything on the days that I was going through my miscarriage (why I decided to look...I don't know other than God had something to show me). I have shared with you the verses I read during my miscarriage, in a past blog...but, I had a space to write and I truly couldn't remember if I wrote something in my devotion book. I never quite made it to those pages though...

Today, this morning it started...I felt an overwhelming sadness and longing for my mom. Many know that our relationship is strained right now (not the 1st time as many know)...she is right now making some choices in her life with a relationship that our family is not comfortable with and so we are not hanging out together at this moment in time (actually it's been almost a year...wow!).

As I was driving home tonight from a co-op meeting...I drove the familiar road that lead to my hometown, my old stomping ground. Many times when I drive towards that direction I am overwhelmed with thoughts. That happened tonight, but I had a meeting that helped to quickly dissipate those feelings. But, in the dark pulling out...I just had this gut wrenching sadness that I could hardly bear.

I wanted a parent at that moment (the last week I have really thought about this). A relationship with a mom or dad. It has been over a year and a half since my "dad's" death. A little over a year since my aunts passing (she was such a mom to me). And almost a year since my mom deserted me for a "not so good" man. She gave me up, (oh, and her grandchildren and son-in-law), for a selfish man. I miss her.

I miss her pulling into my driveway with a smile and a skip in her step. I miss her doing laundry at my house. I miss her excitement over the clothes she just bought at the Fashion Bug. I miss her enjoying doing things spur of the moment with me and the kids. I miss us sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee with our feet propped up talking about life, laughing. Okay yes, I'm bawling. I miss having a parent.

I never had a dad who loved me...I had a birth father who let me go, and an adoptive parent who was consumed in everything bad and not consumed in his little girl. Okay, girls I'm having a pity party here. And I had a mother who praise God did not abort me, but also did not or could not keep me at birth, and a mom who drops me like a bad habit when ever the next best thing in her life comes along...it's happened more than once. I feel totally gipped. I've at this point lost 4 parents.

I want to give a hug to my mom, say I love you, pour a 2nd cup of coffee, help her fold her laundry because she just folded all of mine. I want to run to a movie with her and the kids, or to Branson. I want love...with out strings, guidelines, and "if's" attached.

But, you know sometimes you want what you can't have. So, what do you do with these feelings, with these gut wrenching longings? What do you do? Well, I say you pray and you seek His face.

How I've been praying over my emotions. I've had too. God, is the only answer. If not then I land myself in a house on sinking sand, a house out of control and falling fast...and He doesn't want to dwell there with me. He wants me to be in a house that is standing strong on His word and His promises.

So, tonight as I flipped back in my book...I opened to this page...this page that I don't ever remember reading...but, I'm sure glad God gave it to me tonight. Here it is:

Just go step by step. My will shall be
revealed as you go. You will never cease to be
thankful for this time when you felt at peace
and trustful, and yet had no human security.
That is the time of the True learning of
trust in Me. "When thy father and mother
forsake thee, then the Lord will take thee
up." this is a literal dependence on Me.
When human support or material help
of any kind is removed, then My power
can become operative. I cannot teach a
man to walk who is trusting to a crutch.
Away with your crutch, and my power
shall so invigorate you that you shall
indeed walk on to victory. Never limit My
power. It is limitless.

"God hath spoken once; twice have I heard
this; that power belongeth unto God."
Psalm 62:11

Oh, how I needed this today. You know girls I have no human security in a mother & a father. Really we do not have human security period...we don't know what might happen to our spouses, etc. But, praise God that I have a wonderful spouse that is here for me...because I for sure have no security in parents.

I have been forsaken by both my mother & father. There was not holidays spent together last year, there has been no knock on my door. There has been no change. My father not only was not there for me all my life but, then he selfishly took his life on top of that. But, you know what it puts literal dependence on my God! Oh, praise you Jesus! I would not be anything if I was not yours.

Who's am I? I am God Almighty's child. I will have that dependence. His power becomes more and more operative in my life. Because I have no crutch. When I drive towards our co-op and I think of that familiar road...I don't have a place on down that road to drive to and sink onto the couch and forget about all of lifes problems while my mom makes me a cup of coffee and my daddy gives me a hug. Instead though I have something incredible.

When I drive that familiar road...it makes me stronger because I am weaker. Does that make sense girls? I become weak at that moment, physically, emotionally, hands gripped tight to the steering wheel...but, in that instance of being overwhelmed with what I don't have. I become STRONG! I realize that I have a total dependence on my Lord. You need a "fix"? Well, there you go. My "fix" is in the Lord. I call out to Him, I look towards my Father in heaven and cry out...and He meets my need. He gives me that "fix". Praise you Lord!

Does it always make everything go away? Nope. Just like a fix of cocaine. It has to be continual or you would go places you wouldn't want to go. Down roads, and thoughts that would consume you so much. Will I always make it with out venturing off? Probably not...just thinking about those roads right at this moment...I sob. I think how? How do I not have a mom & dad?

But, prayer and a promise that God said his power does not have a limit. His power is limitless and He's offering that strength to me. And you know it makes things wonderful...I then find that I have days, weeks, and even months that I know Who's I am. And when I forget...the road is always there to remind me that I need to depend on HIM. On my Father. The road is never to far away. Sometimes I wish it was. Sometimes I feel I can't "go there", I can't get that deep in my soul and see what is down that road (and I also mean the literal road that leads to my parents old home...every week I drive way to close to those memories when we head to co-op). But, it's nice to know that I don't have to go any further down that road...I can stop and remember His promises (actually its amazing...every week that I drive that road...my stopping point is God appointed...I stop and spend the day with some amazing Christian families, with prayer covering all of us, and with a common goal that nothing can beat...it makes that road worth the drive).

I will say that today has been the worse. I just do feel overwhelmed with missing my mom. But, I also know that it is in God's hands. I know also that He will cover me with His wings (Psalm 91...I pray you hide verses in your heart for when you need them)...and as I will cry myself to sleep tonight. I know that He will cover me and hold me. I know also that tomorrow the Son will shine and it will be well. It will be the day the Lord has made.

Remember sisters in Christ...the power belongeth unto God. Give it to Him...give up your crutch and lean totally on Him. All will be well. All is well! It is well with my soul. Because I know who's I am. I'm the daughter of God Almighty...my Father.

"This is me"...What do you clutch? Is it a crutch? Give it to Him, do not let it turn into a sin. You might not know where to begin...just start with a bend. When others deny me...I will depend on Thee.

Rock-Home

2009-07-12T20:53:00.005-05:00

Oh, how I pray that my home would be a "Rock-Home".

A Rock-Home is not built at a wish, in a moment, fast and quick. Built without inspecting the grounds it will go on and the foundation it will sit upon. A Rock-Solid-Home is laid, stone by stone, foundations, walls, roof. One stone at a time, one nail at a time, one piece of sheet rock at a time, one shingle at a time.

In time of storms the man who built his house on the sand...he is overthrown, his house falls. The pieces are too many to put back together.

The home that is built by obedience to God...his home is stead-fast, immovable during the toughest of times. It's a Rock-Home.

I read this: "Why call me Lord, and do not the things that I say? That was my word on earth to the many who followed and heard, but did not do."

I thought about that and realize that if we are not continually building our home strong. Putting up our walls, our roof, by the acts of obedience, the daily following out of God's desires, following His will. Then He will not come to dwell in our house. He does not want to hang out in a house that is on sinking sand. He wants to hang out in a house that is built on His solid truths.

My heart just breaks as I just found out this week that a friend of ours that just seemed to be on fire for God...walked away suddenly from his wife and small son for another women. In the ministry...and poof. OUT! Sadly this is not the 1st time we've seen this happen. Several times now. The house was not built strong enough to pull it all together. The walls fell, Humpty fell with it...and neither the house nor Humpty could be put back together. Cracked forever.

And it doesn't have to just be someone in "the ministry". We can't forget that we are the ones putting those individuals up on a pedestal of supposing to live a more sacred life than us. Yes, it states in the bible what type of life they should live. But, as Christians...we all need to live the same type of life. And we all have the same type of struggles. It all depends in how the cookie crumbles girls. Is your cookie held together strong? Is your house solid on the foundations it needs to be? Or are you gonna' crumble and be a mess?

I think of many who were called to the ministry and have walked away for secular jobs. "Better money." "Just gonna' do it while this new ministry is starting." And on and on. The next thing you know it's been 3 years and their no longer even thinking about going back to a less paying ministry job...they are now making the "worldly money" that is so enticing.

So, next thing you know...they are out from under the umbrella of the solid house and are teetering on this rented house built on sand. And with being outside of God's will, the obedience their to be under, following His call not theirs...I'm watching so many crumble.

1st it's out of the ministry for a while, then it's financial, then it's marital, then it's rebelling children, then it's falling off of the foundation and cracking beyond repair (whether that is marriage failing, health, or infidelity, etc.).

It all seems to boil down to not obeying God. Not being in that Rock House of God's choosing. Not continuing to build the house strong. Slowly pulling the bricks out one by one because you never got it far enough along to put the mortar on it. It's a disaster. Then even worse you decide to vacation at the house built totally on sand...and you fall before you can get back to your Rock Home.

By the way...again, we don't have to be in the ministry for this to happen to us. Did I obey today, did you? Who did we reach out to today? Did we minister to our elderly neighbor? Take a roast to them, water their flowers? Did we reach our neighbor with sharing Christ? Did we go to the work day at church? It's not just the "leaders" job. Maybe we are part to blame for when they fall. Are they juggling everything on their own? Are they beyond stress because they are alone with all the weight of things on them? Are we not all pitching it for God's kingdom? Are we just playing house???

We need to make sure that every stone, wall, nail, plumbing, etc. is strong. We need to make sure that each room in our house is filled with God and is in order. Is there a dark room in your house? Is there no light because your not connected to power? Have you purposefully kept the power source, our Lord, from that area? We need to clean house. Get it fixed. So, we don't crack under pressure.

I pray that we can all have Rock-Home's. Girls it is high time we stop playing house. Stop playing life. This is it!!! This is not a dress rehearsal. We are living it right now. You will never have this minute back. You will never have this breath back. You will never be this exact age again. Your body just got older as you read. This is the life God has given us to live for HIM. Not for us. This isn't about us. It's all about Him. When are we going to stop playing around?

I don't care if "so in so" almost lost their marriage because of a mistake. If they have a strong marriage now and are right with God. Praise God. Let's not look at them. Let's look at us. If we are too busy hanging out in the beach house on shifting sand looking at the view and what is all around us...we are gonna' be in trouble.

Let's move back in our Rock-Home. Let's look straight into God's eyes. Put on the blinders from this world and focus only on the narrow path and on His eyes. With blinders...we can only see what is directly in front of us...not all of the garbage around. One step at a time...one stone at a time to build our house strong. We don't need to look at the whole house and get overwhelmed..with blinders we can focus on just the next brick to be stacked.

And if it looks like shambles right now and a tornado has hit. Then start working this minute to build it back up. We are the only ones who can get it to where it needs to be. God gave you this life, this house your in (spiritual I mean)...and everything that surrounds you.

Your marriage cannot be bad unless you think it, make it, or want it to be (yes, there is certain instances of abuse, etc. that you need to seek help). Fixing it, finding the foundation starts with you. You get it right with God...you fulfill the covenant you made in front of Him...deserting the problem doesn't fix anything.

Your kids can't be that bad...if they are driving you crazy...check the "you meter"...God made them to be children...if they are "causing you problems"...God gave you the authority to love them and guide them...what is up with your house (with my house)...there lies the problem...something isn't built right. But, it can be fixed. Fixed so strong.

If your unhappy. If you don't like your church but the word of God is being preached. If you are depressed. If you are sinning. If you are too much into this world. The list goes on and on. You have to look at your house. At what is shifting. Or are you even in the right house?

Who's are you ladies? Who's? No what are you, not what do other's think. Who's are you? Obey Him. He is the way, and the truth. If you've got that fixed...you will have a Rock-Home!!!

Praise You Jesus!

"Therefore now amend your ways and your doings,
and obey the voice of the Lord your God." Jeremiah 26:13

"This is me"...I'm gonna work on my home this week. For I am weak but He is strong. And to be in His arms I so long. He will give me what I need, to give up myself oh, I so plead. This is the only way that I will truly succeed.

Letting Go, Letting God control...

2009-06-22T21:43:00.010-05:00

I find myself today in a very different mindset then even a couple of days ago. I love when God works in your heart, in your life, in the deepest part of your soul. God is good.

I found myself in Jamaica noticing a pregnant women who looked to be about 6 months...just about where I would have been had I not lost my dear sweet baby. It stung a bit...but, with the sun shining down, and the Son in my life...I quickly put it from my mind and new that God had a plan for that dear sweet child. I don't think that I realized right then that God had a plan for my life though.

I however fully have recognized that for several months that I have had a plan for my life, for my family. "This is me" sharing the secrets of women. Women out there everywhere. Yes, women have "agenda's". They have things calculated out in the way that they see their fairytale playing out. Oh, what we do to ourselves. When God is standing there holding the ultimate plan for us...but, we think we know best!

It's funny how each and every month my plan has not worked out. Still to this day I'm not pregnant again and not buying the crib and stroller. I can say that I have had some frustrating moments over that. But, I have also found myself praying and telling God that it is His, that I want it to be what He wants. Even though I wasn't quite buying those words myself. You know, your words are so powerful...keeping saying it, "You just might believe it!"

So, as I was hoping this month would "be the month" I found myself very sick. I have had an ear thing for several months...itchiness in it, drainage, etc. Plus since this time last year I have experienced some vertigo on and off (the Dr. thinks its totally allergy related). As I found myself in urgent care on Saturday...and having to get med's for a sinus infection and vertigo. I just had to stop and say, "Thank you Lord. Thank you that I'm not pregnant and I am getting these things taken care of."

You know, the reason I haven't gotten pregnant might not have anything to do with that God knew I would need med's for sickness, etc. But, I realized that that was not what mattered anyway. I am so thankful for God to be in control and to realize that things are not up to me! I am not in control. You know I'm sure I could some how force my way and God would say, "Fine, have your way." But, I don't want that.

Today I came to a real peace that maybe, just maybe that this is how my life is to be. And oh, how blessed I am. Maybe I'm to enjoy my late 40's with my husband and my 2 "of age" kids and that is to be how it plays out (gotta say...not a bad future). And you know...as I heard my friend Lisa speak recently...I can't fill my life with things or other people (children) to make me who I'm suppose to be. I need to make sure I know who's I am and who God made me...and be comfortable in that skin. God will take care of the rest...if I am in His will. Not my will friends, HIS will.

How good it feels to be in this place. And not just talkin' the talk of "God this is yours"...but, walkin' the walk. Now I find myself almost at a weird fork in the road. Which looks better? Kids grown and many opportunities for Darren and I to take a new path? Or, a 2nd family to raise? I'm glad that I'm not gonna' have to make that decision...Oh, the blessings that can come from both. So, I sit back and say, "Have at me Lord. You decide. I'll take the ultimate surprise that you throw my way." How exhilarating that will be...how exciting, and surprising!

So, are you willing to stop making your plans? To stop steering your course? Can you give it to God??? His plan is the ultimate, awesome plan. He will do a much better job laying out your future than you will, than I will!!!!

I'm excited! I'm excited on so many levels. I have to laugh and say that I'm not gonna give up on the "time together" with my husband. We have had a few awesome months (isn't it funny...I've heard the jokes..."Well, I'm sure Darren is enjoying this baby process." HA!!! And smile). I think maybe that has been a closeness that we needed. Maybe that's God's goal. Getting us to spend a lot more "close" time together (we can all use that, can't we?). He's spicin' up our marriage!!! :0) Whatever His plan...it will all be wonderful...because I give it all to Him!!!

"This is me"...asking you if you are giving it all to Him...are you willing to bend? God has your plan in His hand, will you give up your demands...and follow His commands?

2009-06-19T12:50:00.004-05:00

I decided to help the kids build a "Huge" fort in the Sunroom!
Yes, it is trashed out there. But, they have countless tunnels,
there game cube & t.v. and they have there own rooms!
So, fun!!!! June 17, 2009

June 19, 2009
Today it was already in the high 80's by 10:00am.
So, I sent the kids out to play in the sprinkler!

Do you refuse to be "her" today?

2009-06-19T12:36:00.007-05:00

Do you refuse to be "her" Today?

I refuse to worry about all of the bling,
today I just want to be silly and sing.

I refuse to get mad over what he said,
today I remember that he's a GREAT dad.

I refuse to put on a holier than there act,
today I want to let down my hair and in His presence just sit back.

I refuse to make what my kids do such a big deal,
usually the reason I go there is because of the way I selfishly feel.

I refuse to say an unkind word about my friend,
in prayer today over her I will spend.

I refuse to treat him that way,
My bad mood and bad intentions I must put away.

I refuse to find the negative in everything around,
instead if I can't speak nicely, I won't make a sound.

I refuse to jump on my kids in a rage,
instead I will tell them how they are wonderfully made.

I refuse to be fake,
when doing that, from God I take.

I refuse to be someone I'm not,
for what's in me is really all I've got.

I refuse to be "her" and labeled as such,
with God's love and help I can be so much.

When will we take down the walls,
and let God walk through our halls?

Let Him make us good and right,
without us always putting up such a fight?

Preparing Your Children to Leave...

2009-06-18T08:17:00.006-05:00

"In the same way that You gave Me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world" (John 17:18 MSG).

I loved the devotion I read this morning from Purpose Driven Connection. Here is what I read:

Jesus released His disciples to serve God's purposes.

As a dad I am responsible to protect my kids as they're growing up, but that doesn't mean I protect them from taking risks for the glory of God. You can be so overprotective that you do not release your kids emotionally, or maybe even physically, to do what God wants them to.

You say, "Sure, I want my kids to serve God, as long as they stay here in the area." Or "Yeah, I want my kids to do what God wants them to do. They can follow His plan and purpose for their life, as long as they don't leave this area and live right down the block." "They can do whatever God says as long as they don't do something that's dangerous, where they could be hurt or killed."

It is natural as parents not to want your kids to be hurt. But let me ask you this very frank question: Are you willing to let God be God in your kids' lives?

Or are you still trying to be God in their life? You've got to let them go. I've seen some parents try to control their children's lives even after they are married; yet, the Bible teaches that for marriage "a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one" (Genesis 2:24 TEV).

The point is it is God's plan for children to leave and, as parents, we must teach them while we have them but then let them go to serve God's purposes.

Jesus said, "In the same way You gave me a mission in the world, I give them a mission in the world" (John 17:18 MSG). The whole goal of parenting is to eventually release your children. From the moment they are born, you are preparing them to be released into the world, not to hold on to them or to control their lives for the rest of your life.

This seems to hit even more at home with me personally because I homeschool. I have heard many with the worry and questions of if I'm protecting my kids too much. You know, I've never had that hang up. I will protect some areas...what they watch with their eyes, who they hang around, etc. But, not what God wants them to do in their future. Yes, I see it a bit sad that my kids are approaching leaving our home (Corbin has about 7 years before he has that choice). But, I for sure want to prepare my kids to go.

I pray for those that I know in the homeschooling community, (and yes there are a few), that are not truly preparing their children to be able to fully function in this world on their own (it seems these few only have a goal to shield their kids, and keep them from "everything...and they let the training of their kids fall to the side because they are too busy freaking out about everything...it truly is tragic.).

I feel I have an even bigger responsibility to make sure my kids get all they need, since I'm the one teaching them...Yikes...lol. What if God calls my child to be a Dr.? They have to be trained well enough to get into college and med. school. What if He calls my son to be a Pastor or Missionary? They again have to be trained well enough to get into college. What if my daughter is called to be a nurse and not a stay at home mom? Again she needs her education.

I have found that it's not the "vehicle" we choose in order to educated our children (home, christian, or public school). It's in how we use the vehicle for the good of our kids in order to prepare our kids to go out on their own. I have to think, how dare I not prepare my child for their future. That drives me to train them beyond well. Okay, now that's some pressure. But, it is the purpose that God has called me too at this time.

But, still more important is preparing their hearts and preparing them spiritually. Praying to God to show my kids what their purpose is in this world. Also, praying for their future spouses and their families. Praying that God would give them a pure spouse and pure family that loves the Lord. I've prayed for this since they were babies. And praying for wisdom to teach my kids.

I also want to give them opportunities to experience different avenues that they seem to show interest in (this could be God showing them a direction). I know that I have hit the science side with Corbin (zoo camps, hopefully this next summer...sea world camp, etc.), but also encouraging him with speaking and being in front of people (he preached at camp this year...about the 2nd coming...I was so proud that He studied and had the courage). When Lauren showed interest in "being a vet"...who knows what whim this might be...but, I signed her up for "Zoo Vets" at the zoo. This will give more of a clear answer in what her interests really are.

I want them to find what God wants for them. It's fine if it is thousand's of miles from home if it's God's purpose. I want for them what God wants for them.

Start when they're young preparing them and yourself to let them go. Don't hold them so tight that they are ready to bolt from the house and never return. Give them some freedoms to discover what God wants for them, not what you are demanding of them. Let them volunteer and go on a summer mission trip, etc. Don't hold them back from God's purpose!

"This is me"...Preparing my children to leave, and one day hopefully to cleave. God is the best to show them the way, how dare I get in His way!

Have a good day friends!

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs

2009-06-13T07:12:00.005-05:00

Friends, What a night I had last night. It wasn't a glamorous night, or a "girls night out" (well I guess it was really...there were no guys...but, it wasn't a party night with the girls). Or a red carpet event. But, it was a special time to reflect on "Who I am".

I almost didn't attend this event. The kids were home from camp, Lauren was in girl melt down mode over letting her turtle go back to nature. I figured they might actually need mom at home. But, Darren encouraged me to go. I'm glad he did.

So, this venture all started with pictures about 18 years ago. Photos of Darren's Sr. banquet. He told me that in the photo was Lisa his girlfriend at the time. You know...it didn't really bother me. She actually looked sweet. With the pictures occasionally viewed...I knew that that was his high school years.

So, when facebook came about he told me that he became "friends" with her. You know...it didn't bother me.

#1 Friends: Life is too short for Jealousy. It will eat you alive. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. James 3:16
#2 Friends: What blessings are you missing out on by not getting to know God's children? By refusing to know who one is because of something "high school" and over 20 some years ago. It's just not worth it in life.#3 Friends: Trust...I trust my husband. I know my husband. Then we all began chatting on facebook and I became "friends" with her. I realized quick that we had a lot in common. For one...Darren has great taste in girls (we were but girls when he met both of us)...HA! He said that we were similar. We are. We both love the Lord, love our husbands and family, love to write, and have a passion to share God's truth.

So, when I heard she was coming for the high school reunion I was excited. I wanted to be able to discuss her passion for Christ, her writing, etc. She actually has shared with me a conference for writers, speakers that she wants me to attend. I skipped it this year...total nerves. So pray for me...I would love to know more in this area.
But, anyway when I heard she was planning on speaking while here...I got even more excited.

I will continue this night below...I don't want you to miss what I learned from my new friend. She is no longer Darren's old high school girlfriend (even though it's fun to joke about)...she is truly a Friend! Keep reading the next post for more...

Continued from above...

2009-06-13T07:10:00.004-05:00

So here is the "rest of the story":

I was so happily surprised when I walked into this small intimate event to see my long time friend Amanda. She had came with a friend who was a friend of the person who put the event together. Neither one of them knew Lisa. Having a friend there was great...this room was filled with people of Lisa's past, high school friends (which I met more friends of Darrens from CSOS), and just a mixture of ladies.

Lisa came into the event totally sick. She had been throwing up all day. She really felt it was a spiritual battle. She said that the last time she spoke on the subject of last night...she was ill. She took some nausea medicine and dove in to speaking.
I can admit that I was there also to see if "she had it in her". If she was "good". HA...us women! And I was more than pleasantly surprised. God has a wonderful tool in Lisa Whittle! And to think that I listened to her "sick"! What would come out when she's really feeling well.

This is what I learned ladies...

"Who am I?" That was the question presented. Ask yourself that?

So this is where she went with this question...She told a story of the kids coming home from their school valentines party and they dumped all of their goods on the bar at home. There was all of the "junk" basically. She said that in the middle of the junk was this perfectly made heart shaped valentine cookie. Perfect writing, sprinkles, on a stick. She said at that moment she stepped into her office to have a party. A pity party. She realized that she had only last minute taken time to go and get the pathetic looking dollar store valentines for her daughter...and that was it. She had not constructed a beautiful cookie. She said she lost it. She told God that she was not a good mom, etc.

Have you been their friends? I have. I feel bad when I haven't turned the pancakes green for St. Patty's day. Or I forgot to pack Corbin's flip flops for camp and he was miserable in wet shoes all week. What a loser mom am I?

This is what Lisa said. "We are not what we do!" WE ARE NOT WHAT WE DO! DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID? WE ARE NOT WHAT WE DO!
Who are we? We are God's.

She continued to say that she knew that sitting in that room were the ones who worried about not being able to make the cookies. She also said she knew their were the ones in the room who make the cookies. And she wanted them to know...that we are not what we do. She said at some point...all that is left of that cookie is crumbs!

She asked this...What happens when you loose your child tragically? Your only child perhaps. And you are all of a sudden not that label anymore...."Mom". Who are you then? Do you already know? You are God's? Or are you so into your label that you will crumble?
What about a marriage that we might have seen fail (or our own)? You were labeled by being "his wife", etc. And all of a sudden the rug is pulled out from under you...do you crumble? Who are you?
She said that really the perfect cookie maker means little. What our kids really need is to see our love for Christ. How we are going to serve Him daily.

You know friends...if we are so consumed in our day with "making special memories, traditions", etc. (I know I have my Christmas traditions)...and that is our main priority...we are failing. If we aren't 1st and foremost showing our kids who we are with our Lord...we are failing. If we are not breaking open the bible for devotions in the morning with our kids to start their day off with God, but instead making that perfect breakfast because that's what "the perfect mom does"...Who are we? Who are we trying to be?

She talked about playing those roles. Ms. Perfectionist, Ms. Spiritual, Ms. Mom, Ms. society. What are we doing? We just need to be real. When is the last time we said, "This is me". You know it is freeing to say that. That has been my goal for quite some time (hence the name of my blog). I don't have time to strive for goals that mean nothing, that crumble, that are idols of nothingness. I just want my kids to hear me speak of God "all the time". My label...Jesus freak! There! I don't care if people think I'm crazy for making that a priority for what comes out of my mouth the most. That's all that matters friends! It's all that matters.

I know that I am not going to be Ms. Perfectionist (look at my house on any given day...I'm a homeschool mom...the house never stay's clean...and I finally had to release that stress of trying so hard). I'm not going to play the Ms. Spiritual role..."This is me"...I don't need to act like anything else. Ms. Mom...I fail at it daily. But, I am always pursuing at telling my kids about God. Ms. Society...I have learned that contentment is a must. I pretty much don't want to move to a new house (I have my moments)...because I know that God has blessed us and I don't want to seek after an idol to worship...many do not have homes...here we are so blessed...I need no more. And I don't need the golf course pool membership, or whatever else to say who I am...I am God's. Life's to short to get all dressed up for the pool anyway...HA!

When it all falls apart or changes. One or the other will happen. The kids will move out...and a new "role" will have to be taken on, etc.

Who are you? I pray that we stop comparing ourselves. She's perfect, she has those talents, she's so skinny (maybe God wanted some plump beautiful people...learn to love who God made you...I know my hips aren't disappearing anytime soon....when will I stop obsessing?), she cooks so well, look at their house, their car, on and on. Who are they though? Are they showing their kids, their families, their friends, who they are by showing them Christ? Showing them how they love Christ? Today show your kids your love for Christ...that's all that is going to remain solid in life!

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8

Let go...let go...

"This is me"...a women who is not afraid to be the me God created. I am flawed, but am cleaning up so well. And I know that I will continue to fail. I'm finally seeing in myself what you Lord have seen in me all along. You have rendered me so isolated, so motivated, I am selfish in the Lord. Thank you for making me yours!

A hick dressed as a chick...

2009-06-12T07:35:00.008-05:00

We hung up several bird feeders a few weeks ago, smack dab right outside our sunroom windows...4 to be exact. Corbin said, "We are now bird people." HA!

I set up a hummingbird feeder, an oriel feeder, and some finch feeders. And then the wait was on. We saw one hummingbird and I really haven't seen any since. And Corbin said he saw a colorful finch...I have not. What I have seen is a bunch of sparrows.

With seeing sparrows I got a little mad. This is not what these feeders are for. And they are full with atleast 3 at all times. You know they are not brilliant colors, they are not all that exciting to watch. Why aren't the mack daddy birds coming??? Shew, go away boring birds.

Well, as I sat this morning looking out with my morning cup of "wake up"...yes, that is what it is...I seem to be dead anymore without atleast 1 cup of coffee...I began to watch these "sparrows".

Don't they deserve food also? Don't they deserve a place to go and hang out and have their morning cup of "wake up", their afternoon lunch, their snacks, and their dinner? Yes, they are here alot! Don't they deserve a place to call home?

I know it sounds silly to be discussing "sparrows". But, it really did hit me...how many times do we do this with humans? As Randy Eggert said Sunday morning..."human people" (sorry it was funny...he did catch himself...and realized that all people are human...lol). Anyway...don't we segregate ourselves so many times from other people?

And who are we to be doing that anyway? I'm sure there are others who are or would like to segregate themselves from some of us, from me. I'm really not "all that". I'm really just a sparrow in finch clothing!

I have been working on this with my kids. When they see someone doing something sinful or t.v. blobs something on it...I try to remind them that many of those people are not saved and their actions are because they do not have Christ in them. Yes, we should not like their actions or words...but, they are God's people and we are to not just like them but, LOVE them. But, as Christians we have no excuse for our actions...we must make a change in our lives. The kids have really began to understand what I mean.

So, I've decided that the sparrows are welcome. You know God loves the sparrows...He created them.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Luke 12:6

They are even mentioned a few other times in the bible also. And actually they are a part of the finch family. They might be the "hick" version...but, they are part of the family. Oh, no...since I am a sparrow in finch clothing...am I just a hick dressed chick? I'm cracking myself up this morning!

That makes me laugh. Could they be the group at the family reunions that come pouring in in the nasty old motor home like on "National Lampoons" that you just have to "love anyway" because they are family? Well, I'm gonna make them more special than that. I'm gonna look at them in a "new color". They might not be brilliant on the outside in color, but, they chose my house to hang at and I'm gonna not worry about the dull color...I'm gonna listen to their happy song as they eat outside my windows.

How many times do we miss that. What's on the inside? The song from within. How beautiful it might be...but, we are looking at the outside. And we miss the real beauty!

All right...now that you think I'm totally crazy because I talked about birds...I'm getting off of here.

"This is me"...learning to find the beauty in everything and everyone God has created. I'm just a hick dressed as a chick! HA! HA!

Homeschooler's do have prom!!! My friends kids!!!

2009-05-17T19:46:00.003-05:00

It's just a fad!

2009-04-22T07:29:00.005-05:00

Did you know...it's just a fad?

This world is just a fad! It's here today and gone tomorrow. It's not lasting. Something new is gonna come and take it's place. Something new and fantastic...Heaven!

So, what did we waste our time on today? Do you know the overload we experienced today...more than likely won't even matter a year from now and for sure won't matter in eternity. Jesus told us to not trade our lives for temporary things. "anyone who lets himself be distracted from the work I plan for him is not fit for the Kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62 LB). Paul warned, "Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out" (1 Corinthians 7:31 MSG).

This world is most defiantly a fad. It's already on it's way out!

So, what today, what tomorrow will tie us to close to this world and not close enough to Christ? Did I spend to much time today in worldly matters? Was more time devoted to things of the world, or was more time devoted praying without ceasing, and checking in with my Lord? Was I more busy making a plan of how to reach my lost neighbors by inviting them to the kids program, or did I just drive on by and didn't think twice because I was more busy with things of this world (gotta get to Walmart, kids to practice, fit in dinner, stop here, stop there)?

Am I hording this "money" of the world and putting it all towards things for me? Or am I increasing my missions giving for the year to use my money to reach the lost? Jesus said, "I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings" (Luke 16:9 NIV). That doesn't mean we can buy our friends...it does mean that we should use our money to further His gospel. And with each person who is saved from what we have given...we have developed life-long heavenly friends. Instead of keeping that $20.00 back for Sunday lunch...might I give it when someone is in need and eat PB&J? Or is a meal more important...after all it's my favorite restaurant and I haven't ate there forever?

Are we so stinkin' busy with our daily running that we forget God in the process? Forget devotions for ourselves? Forget devotions with our kids? Forget praying at our meals, and with our kids before school and before bed? That's what "being too much in this world" is talking about. We are so self-consumed, so world consumed, too busy, we can't make time for what's important.

This world is a fad...it's on it's way out and it's not the "cool" thing. God is in, God is cool, Heaven is the cutting edge, Heaven is the forever "awesome"! So, why embarrass ourselves by being so into this world, and being uncool, and not on the cutting edge?...I would rather be on the cutting edge and be into what matters, and what's forever going to be "cool"!

"This is me"...wanting to remember what really matters for this day, for this world is already fading away!

It's all good...

2009-04-16T08:08:00.004-05:00

Learning, being refined in the fire, changing for the better, not going back, holding tight and not swaying from the "new" God has put in your heart...it's all good!

Are you moving forward or always remembering who you were in the past...living in past regrets? Have you put away the thoughts and the past mistakes you have made and refuse to keep bringing them up...and choose to live in the here and present...in the "new you" that God has refined?

Are you letting God do a work in you, no matter if it hurts...it's only for the better!

Are you refusing to be that girl of the past and be the woman of the present...someone maturing and growing from girl to woman?

Past mistakes can haunt you or hold you back...but, when you release them and let God move you forward...WOW! Things are clear, the absolutes become strong, and the things of the past are something that seem so distant and so wrong...and you know you won't tread that path again. It's all called growth.

It's all good!

This is me...refusing to live in past mistakes, trying to be the woman God wants me to be...with whatever it takes. I won't ever be perfect, I'll make mistakes...But, I give it to God...and hopefully growth, I will show!

Easter

2009-04-14T09:14:00.009-05:00

Praise Jesus...He's ALIVE!

This year we decided to do the "bunny" side of Easter the day before. I just felt led to have a peaceful day on Sunday instead the commercialized tiring side of egg hiding, lots of candy, and cooking and eating until we're stuffed.

What a blessing that turned out to be. We got up Saturday morning and Corbin and I made a late breakfast. Turkey Sausage, gravy, from scratch biscuits, and Corbin's famous eggs. We picked up a bit and just had a slow morning. Then we did our Easter Baskets and hid the eggs...in the sunroom...it was still a bit wet outside in the grass. We had a fun time.
Then we packed the van with fishing gear, a cooler of water, some chairs and blankets...picked up the grandparents and headed to Table Rock Lake. While the kids and the men fished, Nana and I went to do a bit of shopping. Surprisingly it wasn't busy at all. After shopping we headed to the Olive Garden and had a peaceful late lunch/supper...a "Lupper"...and then headed home. What a GREAT and beautiful day.

So, Sunday was a day of reflection, relaxation, and the Lord Supper. What a glorious day to remember what our Lord did for us. Praise you Jesus!

This year was "a race" to find the most.
They were "ready to go"!!!

And They're off!

The Goods!

Lauren searching "low"!

Easter morning!

What a day!

2009-03-28T18:32:00.004-05:00

Could we be big time Rodeo fans? I think the kids are sold...And my "city" husband also! I was already there from a child!

So, our 2nd Rodeo in less than 1 month. WOW! We got out today, Lauren's bummed foot and all! She was moving a bit slower today, (she played on it last night at Laser tag...and suffered today...I knew she would)! Weather didn't stop us...we were ready for a family day!

We went ahead and splurged a bit and got front row seats (such a Springfield thing...folding seats right up against the rail...not San Antonio Pro...with luxury boxes...lol). Our seats were right down at the chutes.

The kids were "freaked" as soon as we got to the seats. Corbin has watched too much uncut and untamed t.v. shows...he's seen the bull plow over the railing and into the crowd. The rodeo started with the Bronco's. WOW! They did get very close and it was quite frighting. But, thrilling (to me...better than a roller coaster)! The kids even got some dirt thrown up on them...or poo! LOL!

At the end of the rodeo was the bulls (my fav.)! The kids asked if they could move up behind us into the bleachers (a bit scared)...we helped them move and Darren and I stayed put. I will post some video footage off my phone, once I figure it out! One of the bulls came out and headed right towards us...he hit the rails and we thought the cowboy was gonna come over and land on us...quite thrilling! Lauren cracked me up! She had her eyes in her hands most of the time...covered and scared! So, FUNNY!

It was a GREAT outing! A little popcorn, candy bars, cotton candy, and pretzels...the kids love the snacks. We then stopped for a real meal on the way home and ended at Walmart.

We found Lauren some lace up tennis shoes so she can wear them with her hurt foot. She will have to have support for the next 8 weeks.

We are tired. But, what a fun, laugh filled, fun thrilled day! Darren and I did laugh and said we hoped a bull didn't plow over the rails and attack us while the kids set up behind us and watched (yikes)...the funny thing is is that the kids said they were thinking the same thing! So Funny!

You know...I think I could get Darren to go to another one or two rodeos. After never going to one...you never know until you try!!!

"This is me"...a little bit of a country girl, glad my hubbie has given the rodeo a whirl!

Can't move on yet...

2009-03-19T21:26:00.009-05:00

I've been praying and thinking about what my next blog will be. You know I don't feel I can move past the marriage "thing" yet. There must be someone out their struggling.

What has came to mind all day is "Covenant". I have had the book "Our Covenant God" by Kay Arthur at our house for so many years. There were times I picked it up and would put it back down. I either "didn't get it" for a time in my life, or it wasn't sinking in during another time, and it was boring at another time. But, this last year I picked it up and I said a big "WOW!" It was incredible. Funny how books do that.

I totally understood and was so intrigued by how God takes His covenant with us so serious.

You might be asking, "Who is Kay Arthur?" She is a well known, deep women's bible teacher. You have to "be in the mood" to get into her stuff. Dedicated to do her studies.

So what is the big deal about this book? Here's a blurb about the book:

SOMEONE LOVES YOU. UNCONDITIONALLY. UNSHAKABLE, UNFAILINGLY. That Someone is God Himself. But how can that be possible? Why would God love you so? Because He has fashioned an unbreakable covenant between Himself and you. And He always keeps His promises. “Everything God does,” says Kay Arthur, “is based on His covenant.” And when you understand how thoroughly the dynamic concept of covenant permeates everything God says in His Word, and everything He does in our lives, you’ll come to experience one of the most stabilizing, most freeing truths you’ll ever know.In a culture in which unfaithfulness is rampant, God’s “fierce, ferocious loyalty” toward us is difficult to imagine. And yet, through her characteristically warm and wise exploration of the Scripture, Kay Arthur will lead you into discovering the stunning truth of God’s covenant–and help you experience its revolutionary truth in your life.The Bible reveals the covenant bond to be the highest personal relationship possible. In ancient times, covenants were solemn, binding agreements supremely honored above all others. Making a covenant represented an unqualified, total commitment of one person to another–unconditionally, totally, eternally.As you follow the thread of God’s covenant woven throughout the Bible, you’ll discover the awesome privilege of getting to know the Lord as your Covenant God.

So, here's what kept coming back to me about marriage, today. I started digging through the book and found this "part". It's a bit long...but, it is so important:

A Pledge Unto DeathCovenant was a pledge to death. A pledge born of love. A pledge cut in blood. This is the root of covenant. Can you imagine being loved that much--so much that someone would pledge himself or herself unto death for the security of your well-being?Staggering, isn't it? This is the love we long for, look for, but seldom see or discover, especially in the days in which we are living. We live in a time when more and more men, women, and children join the ranks of those who love self more than anyone else--even more than their parents, children, or mates. People walk away from others, abandoning their relationships, because the other person doesn't meet their needs anymore. Or because "the love is gone." But if love is gone, where then is the commitment that over-rides a temporary loss of affection?Covenant does not allow such abandonment--at least not without horrible consequences! And that, beloved, is what we need to see and understand whenever our view of God, or our relationship with God and with Jesus Christ, is so warped that it can't stand up to the plumbline of God's Word. We think we can have God, Jesus Christ, and eternal life and all the blessings that go with it on our terms. That we can interpret for ourselves what it means to be in covenant with God. Our logic is dangerously skewed!The problem is that we don't know how warped, how skewed it is. That's why our Christianity isn't working. why our families and friendships are falling apart. Why the church's statistics of social and moral failure nearly match those of the world. and this is why we really need to know and understand covenant and the One who instituted it all-our Covenant God.

When I read that again...I had to say, "Praise you God for never walking away from me when I mess up or don't meet your needs!" I also again was refreshed, (you have to read the whole book to truly grasp), and it was put back in my heart and soul that when you stand before God and make a holy covenant (vows)...he doesn't take it lightly. He sees it as truth. So, to so quickly dismiss it, to dismiss your marriage...God doesn't by it!

I also knew there was something more about marriage in the book. So, I really dug. And when I saw what it was...I again said, "Okay God. I have to hold dear to the covenants I've made." Here's what I read:

Because I'm in covenant with God...I Belong To Someone Forever We need to be loved. That's what I wanted. To be loved, whether I was pretty or ugly, sick or well, in a good mood or in a bad mood.I wanted unconditional love.

And I write these words and think about them, I realize that though this was what I wanted, I was unwilling to give it. After I left my first husband, he would call me and tell me he was going to kill himself. I would blithely respond, "Well, do a good job so I get your money!"How incredibly cruel--and I wasn't always cruel, really; even before I became a Christian, I had the heart of a nurse. My patients love me because I loved them and loved winning them over with kindness. But my words to Tom were cruel. I didn't mean them to be; I meant to "bluff" him out of any thoughts of suicide. Somewhere in my nurse's training, I was taught that if people talked about suicide they weren't serious about it--and you simply needed to call their bluff! Of course the thinking has changed now.

And so has mine! Having the mind of Christ through the gift of the Holy Spirit--and thus the ability to understand the Bible as 1 Corinthians 2:9-16 teaches--gives a person a whole new understanding. I know now that my words were lethal--murderous--for I was in essence saying, "Your life has no value. You won't be missed. You don't belong."

James says the tongue is set on fire by hell and can change the course of a person's life. Mine helped put the rope around Tom's thirty-one-year-old neck.
I am sure he didn't feel that he really belonged to anyone. I had left him, taking his two sons and moving far enough away that he couldn't see them regularly...
I can't type anymore...but, you see where it goes. She continues to say that we are designed to belong. We need to belong. Even God, who is all-sufficient, is not alone. She said at the

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cont.

end of the chapter that she wish she would have known about all of this sooner and would have taken the love of Christ and expressed it to her husband. She said she had just became a Christian when her husband did the horrible thing. And she had just told God that she would go back and marry him again. But it was to late. She then says this, "Oh, beloved, don't let time run out! You can belong to Him today--and forever."

Along with that you can re-belong to your mate. It's not to late. If you made a covenant in front of God almighty. If you invited Him to be a part of your marriage on the day you said, "I do." Then why wouldn't He make that covenant work? You just have to have faith in Him.

Oh, I sigh. How in this world today we are just so flippant with everything (many will be flippant with reading what I just wrote and what it says, "Yeah, so.!" Think about that. Flippant with everything!). And really and truly, no fear in God. No thinking twice about the consequences...we are totally fearless these days...that HAS TO CHANGE! Because God is still the God of the bible that is written! He is still HUGE...He has not lessened, not one little bit! How, (and I've done it to), HOW do we just blow HIM off? HOW? What in the world, (that is the problem..."in the world")!

As I have seen during the "Lord, change my attitude" bible study...GOD IS NOT FLIPPANT! He means what He says. Time and time again...He took care of business. He didn't put up with Miriams mouth, with Noah's critics, with the Israelites. He said, "Uh, Uh it ain't gonna' fly!" He takes it serious. He takes our promises, commitments, and on and on serious. And frankly...it scares me. I think that is what is called a healthy fear in God. And you know friends...I have it! Do I always exercise my walk with caution? NO! But, I sure am catching myself more...and fixing what I'm doing pretty quick...I have a fear!

I know there are many other sins and things that we do daily that He does not approve of, (marriage is not the only thing out their that fails in our lives). I'm doing something wrong or more than something daily. But, right now I'm only talking about the vows, covenants we have made (because that's what I have pulled from the bible study and the Our covenant God book). I'm for sure not perfect or judging anyone. It's not my job to judge...I mess up all the time. I just want to try and get it right in my own life, my own marriage...I'm just sharing what I've learned! It's God's job to judge and from what I've been studying...He does!

So, all I am saying is that I fear to break my covenant with Him. And I feel and am saddened by friends who's lives are falling apart right in front of me. I hurt for them. But, maybe it's not too late. Just maybe? Maybe someone won't give up. Maybe someone will get serious and not be flippant? Just maybe, I pray.

So, what I've learned from the bible study and this book: God will address the breaking of covenant. He has given leprosy, destroyed others completely (the people in Noah's time), and set some packin' for 40 years in the wilderness. As was said in the bible study...What blessings are we not receiving because of our attitude, our criticism, our flippant attitude towards the things God takes so serious?

I just want myself and my friends to have a life that flourishes and a marriage that sticks. If it doesn't...I hope I'll still be loved, and that I'll still be the friend who loves. That doesn't change how we are to still love those individuals. But, if things can be turned around or renewed...it's worth saying what I've said. I want goodness in my friends lives! In my sister's lives!

My heart just aches for many...and I hate to see the pain. I will continue to pray. And to pray for all of my friends that their marriages will remain strong! I hope my marriage will be prayed for also! Satan is rampant and working hard to find away to break down Christians...marriage is a great way for Him to start. We need to pray and be there for one another.

"This is me"...A women who's heart goes out to those who are breaking, my heart is so aching. A friend I will be, to those who need.

"Caution!" Bumping might spill who you really are!

2009-03-19T08:11:00.006-05:00

Lasts night bible study was so good. I started it thinking, "I might sneak out and go home...I have cramps, I'm tired." But, I stayed...and am blessed for it!

The bible study again is "Lord, change my attitude." I guess he did last night, huh?!

I want to continue with the blog I typed on marriage. What I learned last night can apply to marriage and to our daily Christian walk. Today I type about marriage...tomorrow the Christian walk.

Here's what really stuck out: We are like a bucket...full or not, filled with not for sure what (if someone was holding it up on stage and you couldn't see in it). But, when it's bumped into...what will come out? When we are bumped...everyone will see what we're full of! The good, bad, or ugly. Doubt or Faith. How will we handle a bump? What's really in our bucket?

You know...I know that the person closest to you is the one who dumps your bucket the most. The one who you have the most words with in your life is the one that you are gonna' bump buckets with. There's no way around it. There's gonna be friction...but, its all in how much you love them and chose to handle it.

I think of watching Fireproof and her "friends" she hung out with at work. You know, when surrounded by doubters, doubters come easily. Get godly friends in your life and get away from those who just agree with you to make you feel good. You need those who have faith and will pray for you...that's a true friend! Numbers 14:1-2 All the Israelites started complaining. They brought each other down. The problem is that there plan to "fix" the problem was worse than the problem they thought they had.

You know...you might be needing to fix the 40 years in your wilderness (marriages are lasting that long...because we are living longer and longer, and some see more wilderness they think then promised land...lol...but, true). But, if it's a covenant you made. God expects you to follow Him through, to figure out how to make it great...to have faith!

Is your plan to fix your problem (if you have one)...a plan of doubt or one of faith? Are you running? Do you find yourself suddenly all alone? Well, that's not a good plan. You need to face your marriage head on...fight to make it strong! Have faith.

And again...like in past blogs. God doesn't take doubt! He doesn't put up with it! Just like with Aaron and Miriam, those that doubted Noah, and the Israelites...He has a plan for those who doubt. It's not a plan I would choose. He get's mad and "deals" with doubters. God takes covenants serious!

I like that he said last night that sometimes we have to stay at home and live it, fix it before we preach it. He said that he was having issues with his daughter...he stepped away from the pulpit and went on a road trip with his daughter and worked through the problem. Lock yourself in a car with your husband on a long trip...it will work itself out (I was just there...past blog). Trust me...it works. Cry the whole way if you have to...but, face it head on and fight for your family. Look your kids in the eyes and do it for them and the family God trusted you with! Don't run!

In a fight for your marriage...human wisdom, and human judgement doesn't count! You need God wisdom!

What's scary is if you are continuously doubting your marriage, your husband...it's just a short distance to despair! Despair finds you all alone in the wilderness...just you and satan prowling all around you. Lost in the wilderness. Don't go there. That will take you somewhere that you might feel like you'll never climb out of. A pit of despair...a deep dark pit that you find yourself all alone. The solitude might feel good for a season...but, it will not continue. It's satan's trick. You have to find God, find faith!

Numbers 14:3-4 shows despair. They were saying crazy stuff. "God has brought us here to kill us!" They so lost focus. And made things out to be so much worse than they were. DESPAIR!

Show people that your bucket is full of good! That when bumped...it will spill. But, it will spill faith. It will spill what people knew about you. That you are good, and wonderful. That you can deal! Your not a quitter! Again...if you're not going through infidelity or abuse...then you can handle bumping buckets with your spouse. You really can!

Read John 11:40, Psalms 84:1. God is your dwelling place!

Questions: Am I a doubting person? Because of it, am I reaping the consequences (is my marriage falling apart in front of me...you can stop it!)? Am I willing to repent? Am I willing to fix it?

Lord, I love you. Please be with anyone that is struggling. I don't know if anyone is going through a wilderness period right now. But, I fear that many more will. Satan is seeking to devour! I want to have faith in you. I want to see you face as I go on this journey. This journey that sometimes might feel like a journey in the wilderness...but, you are leading...I must trust. Lord, help those that are in despair already. Pull them out. By your God's grace I boldly ask that you yank them out of despair and doubt and give them faith. Let them say that they want their bucket to show goodness...to not be weak. But, to be a fighter and not a quitter. Marriage is so worth fighting for...it's God's covenant! Lord I love you and thank you for my marriage. I love you and love my husband. Amen.

Day of rest...

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I hope that Darren gets a day of rest tomorrow! He has had 4 busy days from morning until late night.

If it hasn't been church related then it was a ballgame that started at 9:00 last night that I drug him too, (I don't think he even got dinner tonight...he went from work, to here to rip out carpet and deal with a broken washer, to a meeting at church, to bible study, back to work, and home to deal with our broken washer again!)

I pray that he gets a day of chillin'. After my last blog...I thought I'd better type something positive...so, everyone knows how great he is!

I love him!

"This is me"...a women who loves her guy, and truthfully in all these years he's hardly ever made me cry (see last blog)! A women who loves to hang with him, and thinks that I really did win!

Okay...I have to stop typin'! I cut my thumb on my f.processor blade a couple of days ago. It was sharp, and it bled forever. Right now...after typing my last blog and this one...my thumb is achin' like crazy. I need to give it a break! I hope it heals soon...I've found that thumbs are very, very important. As a friend said tonight...I must have never valued it much. But, once you lose something like a thumb...you value it a bunch. Ewwww...that could totally go with the last blog. Our husbands are an extension of us...that should be valued much more than we do so many times! I'll stop there! lol! Good night!

Completly Naked here...

2009-03-18T22:05:00.005-05:00

My heart is full tonight. I just want to be completely naked here. Every thing stripped away. No fakeness. I just want to share openly and honestly. Hope you're ready for it.

My heart is full for so many that are struggling in their marriages. The ones that are suddenly separated or quickly divorced...and I wonder if anyone including them saw it coming. I'm not talking 1 or 2, I'm talking several couples going through stuff.

Don't ask me who or whatever. It's been several over a year or so's time...and I feel like I can't stand it anymore. I think, "Who in the world will be next?" I want to speak up in fear of someone else giving in to Satan's attacks!

I want to stomp my feet in a couple of instances and say, "It doesn't just affect you! It affects your friends also!" "We see the good in the 2 of you together, come on! Work it out!" I so want to stomp those feet hard!

And I can hear a response of, "Well, until you go through it, you just don't know." You know...If we aren't dealing with infidelity, or abuse in these cases...then I have to say BULL! We've all been through it. If you've been married to the same person for 18 years...you've been through it, through something! Let's get real!

I can say that Darren and I have had our lows. I'm gonna be real honest! There's been times I'm sure we've both wanted to call it quits...but, we didn't! And I know we've both learned...that it will pass!

I can think back to no money, and Darren's "dreams" of owning his own business. Man! I told him countless times, "Just get a real job!" And he told me, "Do you want me happy?" I really didn't care if he was happy...I just wanted security...lol, but, so true! I wanted to stop working more than him. He for a time worked 1/2 the time that I worked! It caused much discussion and unhappiness on my part!

But, I realized when "I" keeps coming up in decisions in blow-ups...then it's an "I" problem...a selfish problem! A stomp your feet, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get my way..."I" problem! So, ultimatly "I" have to fix myself! Trust me, I didn't realize that for a long time!

But, you know...during all of the time of me wanting him to "get a real job"...I dealt! I drove a beater car, ate hot dogs, and somehow had a baby and still got by. Was I happy? Not a lot of the time. But, here's what it came down too. Covenant! I made a vow to him and more importantly God that I was going to be there. I also saw my parents split and that was devastating to me...I wasn't gonna put a child through something horrible for "more money", or selfishness! He wasn't beating me or cheating on me...so I'd better figure this out! And you know...not only did I figure it out...but, I grew closer to him and found that I loved him enough to stick it out...to figure out the "I" problem.

Also, I finally came to this conclusion. Jokingly with girlfriends we all said this...but, just so you know...it's stuck and has a lot of truth in it! Here it is: "Men are Men!" I can choose to call it quits and find someone new...but, it's just another man, just new problems to figure out. They all have "something" to deal with. And hey, I already know my husbands problems...so, why figure out someone else? Funny...but, value there!

Let's give another example...how about something recent. When we were heading out of town for Texas this past month. We had had so much stress with a loss of our baby just that week. Everything had just built up. We had to lose it at some point I suppose. Boy, was the fight a crazy one. All while in the car trying to head out of town. I had that flash of thought..."This is it!" I can't deal with anymore. But, you know what...I didn't have too! God could handle it! And we eventually headed down the road with me in tears and only going because I had promised the kids the trip...and you know what...we celebrated our 18th anniversary 4 days later in a happy mood!

Let me tell you...it will pass! It seems horrible. But, it can actually bring you closer. If you can get through a "big" one...you will be closer! If you turn to faith and not doubt...which leads to despair...you will be closer! 18 years of experience here...and it's true!

So, to say..."You don't know until you've been there." Doesn't do it for me. I've been there...most have that have been married a few years! I could pull out a list...but, truthfully...many fights I don't even remember now...even if they were "huge". But, we just didn't give up...we had faith...we totally fell in God's arms and said, "Take it!"

I want to be naked here and share my heart...because I want marriages out there to survive. If we all act like we have the perfect marriage...how can others see that they aren't there all alone?

Here's the question to ask..."If you found out your spouse had cancer, or was just in a horrible car crash...would you care? Would it sadden you? Then you still care!" There. Said it! You might be at the end of your rope today...but, when push comes to shove...you still care! That thought has pulled me through! Is this worth it? This stubbornness? If something happens tomorrow and I can't make peace...will I be able to live with myself?
What about this one...can you look at your sweet kids and tell them that it's over?

Here's another honesty about that one. Really naked here! We've had a couple of "biggie" discussions (don't you love fights called that)! And when it happens when your kids are there...uggghh! Just like the one in the car headin' out of town. It's not your proudest moment. Later you so hate that it went that route. And when you hear your child say, "Are you gonna' get a divorce?" Uggghh (especially when that wasn't even your thought! Your just stinkin' mad!) #1 you know you've made them sad. You've argued way to much. And you were obviously way out of control. But, to put them in a state of fear...kills me. But, you know...in a way...they pull you through. You tell them, "No, we are not." That was just affirmation for fixing the problem. It's actually a positive in that light (the only positive).

I'm glad we haven't had many of those...can't count them on one hand. But, you know...I just can't do it...I can't take that next step. That's there daddy. I can't selfishly take him away from them and break up what they hold so dear...just over a stupid blow up (even if it's been building for years). They deserve more than that.

It's the same as arguing and not "fixing" it and him heading out the door the next day on a trip. What if something happens? I know that I would live with regret the rest of my life if everything ended on a bad note. Hmmmm....that must show that there's still something there!

Tomorrow I want to share what I learned tonight at bible study. It's about doubt. Let me just say this...Satan is working with doubt. He's making you doubt your love...your marriage...your everything. You can't do it! Let me tell you...God doesn't do doubt! He doesn't buy it...it ticks him off! He wants you to act on faith! If there is no infidelity or abuse...doubt is the problem! We've all been where we can't "stand our mate". But, you can't doubt! It will pass! Really it will!

I'm desperate for those going through this desert! But, you can either doubt and have 40 years of wandering. Or you can have faith and find the promised land. Things can be good.

Think on this...pray. I will type more tomorrow! Satan is prowling and attacking...don't let him devour you and your family!

"This is me"...A woman who has in the past had a bad day, but, will not allow satan to play!

Lead Goose...

2009-03-18T09:35:00.006-05:00

Are you a leader or a follower? I know that I like to take the lead. I like to be in charge, it be my idea, know that I planned it and it turned out well, etc. But, I have to ask myself, Can I also follow? "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps" (Proverbs 16:9). Here's what I read in my devotion's today: I was on my daily walk and trying to organize my thoughts for a long day. I stopped to observe the sunrise in the spring sky, and noticed a large flock of geese heading north. Captivated by the sight, I laid down on the ground to watch their movements. Watching them fly in their traditional V shape, I observed the lead goose as he dropped back to find a new spot in the formation. The goose that had been directly behind him assumed the lead, and the entire group continued flying. Twice more, I saw the same process take place before the flock was completely out of sight.

When I read that it really made me stop and think. Can I step back and let someone else lead? Can I keep from putting my opinion in?Can I not think how what the other person is doing could be done better or different? Can I sit at another's feet and hear their wisdom and learn? I think I can!

You know sometimes we just have to step back, slow down and take a backseat and let someone else lead the pack. If we exhaust ourselves then we are not effective. Someone else might not lead the same, "flap their wings the same", follow the exact same flight pattern as we may have chosen. But, we can learn from them.

We can't ever get to where we think we have it all figured out and no one else knows anything. If we get there than we might as well be dead.

It's okay to move back and coast in the teaching of someone else. To stop our busy lives of "getting to the final destination" of the day...and coast for a moment and learn. Learn from our Lord's word, from the leaders in our church, from a friend with great wisdom, from a stranger we meet, from our children, from our husband (yep, I said it! lol)!

Then when it's our turn to move back to the front we will be refreshed, full of more wisdom, and ready to take on our role.

And if we always tend to be at the back of the pack and never a leader...well, we need to step up sometimes! It might not be a big role, or for a long period of time. But, we need to be willing. We for sure don't want the lead goose to get so exhausted that he can't take us where we need to go. We need to pull our weight whether it's the most comfortable thing for us or not.Just don't stop flying the course God has given! It doesn't matter if we are the lead goose or the following goose...it's how we finish the course!
"This is me"...A goose flying the path God has intended, "Well done" is how I hope this path will be an endin'!

Fun day...update!

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All in all we had a fun time. Lauren helped me make PB&J and we packed up for the park. We had a great time...to start!

Jazz was okay...but, I think overly excited. As we started our long walk...he had a bit of some "runny poo"...sorry for TMI but, this shows how fun can turn to disgust in a few minutes! LOL...kinda!

THEN...the further we got...tons of more runny...well, you know! And with him being a very furry dog...well, it was disgust! So, we walked all the way back to the van as quick as possible...thank goodness for wet wipes. YES! I'm not kidding!

Here I was...wiping my dog! All it did was smear it into his fur. So, we stuck him in the back of the van...then he climbed under the seat. So, Lauren bravely sent back and sat with him and made him lay down. Are you laughing yet?

All of a sudden we hear: "Oh, he got poop on my leg!" I thought, "No he did not!" I asked, "Did he poop?" Thank goodness the answer was no! He had some on his furry tail and swooshed it onto Lauren. Kinda like a feather used for painting! LOL!

So, our fun came to a screetching hault and we ended up home and washing a dog's rear! You know...you never know what your day will hold.

But, we are all healthy and happy! So, that matters most! We can handle the rest thrown our way!

That's my day of fun!!!! We are laughing today...but, it took a while!

"This is me"...a mom who had a day that started as fun, but ended with washin' a dog's bum!

(Oh, yeah...we also did go for ice cream and went to the SWMO Eagles game last night...it was down to the wire and they lost by 4 :(! They played hard!)

Great Day!

2009-03-17T10:30:00.003-05:00

What a perfect day! I love the high 70's!

The house is cleaned up and we have no co-op today! So, we are going to pack a picnic and head to the park with the dog! Do some hiking and playing!

At 9:00 tonight we are going to run to see the Eagles play some Basketball. Then we should be plenty tired for bed!

It's a beautiful day and we are going to soak it up!

"This is me"...ready to enjoy this day that Lord has made!

Yet another example...

2009-03-16T07:57:00.004-05:00

This morning I opened up my email to another devotion from Purpose Driven Life. I had to smile because yet another example of just "Shutting Up", (see 2 posts down..."Loved the Message"), and having faith in God and getting the job done! This made me laugh and smile!

I want to share this devotion...kinda' long but, so great! Here it is:

"By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told...As a result, Noah became intimate with God" (Hebrews 11:7 MSG).

Imagine this scene: One day God comes to Noah and says, "I'm disappointed in human beings. In the entire world, no one but you thinks about me. But Noah, when I look at you, I start smiling. I'm pleased with your life, so I'm going to flood the world and start over with you and your family. I want you to build a giant ship that will save you and the animals."

There were three problems that could have caused Noah to doubt:

- First, Noah had never seen rain because prior to the flood God irrigated the earth from the ground up (Genesis 2:5-6).

- Second, Noah lived hundreds of miles from the nearest ocean. Even if he could learn to build a ship, how would he get it to water?

- Third, there was the problem of rounding up all the animals and then caring for them.

But Noah didn't complain or make excuses. He trusted God completely, and that made God smile.

Trusting God completely means having faith that God knows what is best for your life. You expect him to keep his promises, help you with problems, and do the impossible when necessary.

The Bible says, "He takes pleasure in those who honor him, in those who trust in his constant love" (Psalm 147:11 TEV).

It took Noah 120 years to build the ark. I imagine he faced many discouraging days. With no sign of rain year after year, he was probably criticized as a "crazy man who thinks God speaks to him." I imagine Noah's children were often embarrassed by the giant ship being built in their front yard.

Yet Noah kept on trusting God.

In what areas of your life do you need to trust God completely?

Trusting is an act of worship. Just as parents are pleased when children trust them, your faith makes God happy. The Bible says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6 NIV).

So as I read this...I saw how much it correlated with the message yesterday. Yet another man and family who shut up and just did what they needed to do. For 120 years!

I had to ask myself...do I want to be a Noah or a critic? Do I want to be the one following God and doing my best (with failure along the way...oh, if people could get this...no one is perfect...so don't criticize those that their hearts are right and they are constantly following the Lord. Surprise! They will not be perfect!). Or do I want to be in the crowd of critics, gossipers, complainers, and ugly people? Always finding negative in others!

I can't imagine what was said to Noah for those 120 years. To his family. Everyone critiquing what he was doing. You know I look at a man of God as someone willing. Someone who if they are stepping up and found doing what it lists in the bible as the qualities of a pastor...if they are doing their best...they have put themselves in a bracket higher than most have been willing to be...they are doing something most wouldn't dare.

They might not always do what we think they should do...but, that goes back to Aaron and Miriam...we had better not open our mouths and criticize! God doesn't go for that! Be scared to be a Miriam! Be scared to judge a man of God, (I think that means to judge any Christian who is on God's path)!

Also, as Randy said yesterday...we all need to follow the qualities listed for a pastor. Our pastor is only as good as his people! We need to strive to have those qualities in us also! So, good! So, good!

Ha Ha...I'm laughing. Just hit me! Don't be in the crowd criticizing and gossiping while an ark is being built either...you might all be wiped out! God doesn't go for that either!

Again...What blessings are we missing out on, what is happening to us if we are criticizing and doing what God doesn't go for?

We also talked about this a bit in Sunday school. You know when a Preacher seems strait, strict, someone said "somewhat of a soar puss" (bible says sober-minded), of good behavior...others of this world will try to bring him down to their level instead of reach to his level. Many Christians will try this...they want someone hip and cool, and modern, who tells them what they want to hear. But, don't we really want someone godly? He's to be our example...someone who will not sway in their standards, not sway in the bible. It was a good Sunday School lesson. You don't want a newbie guy, someone who does not have wisdom or who is not following those standards, someone who is still learning....you really want a man of wisdom!

So, just another example of just shutting up and following our Lord! Thank you Lord for the constant reminder!

How will our legacy go down? Will our funeral be full of people who admired us because we were a great person and friends with many? Or will there be few...because we were always confrontational, always talking, always mad and upset? Don't be the latter! Don't follow the latter! Be remembered well!

I think of my Aunts funeral. My uncle could hardly stand for so long. The line of people who came to pay their respects wrapped around the building in the cold. It was over 3 hours (when it was an hour time slot). She loved the Lord and loved people!

So why has this been the topic lately...some might ask? Because God has laid it on my heart! Because I am a women and around women...and I have ears! Because I have seen the destruction of a gossiping woman and women! And I know that during a time of change in our church...that it could increase...change always brings talk (should bring prayer)! And I need the constant reminder to "Shut Up" and not talk to others! And I pray that it makes a difference in many a life!

"This is me"...a women who wants to "be love", and wants others to be also!

Spring Break this week...

2009-03-16T06:11:00.000-05:00

This week is spring break from our co-op! Many are taking the week off! Not us!

We had ours in San Antonio a few weeks back! We are going to push forward to get all of our work completed! I want to have a productive week that we can be proud of!

Hopefully tomorrow after school we can at least head to the Nature Center and get in a good hike! The kids love it and it's gonna be beautiful! We'll see how Lauren's allergies do. She woke up a mess! Please pray for her. This is the time of year that Birch is high...and she is highly allergic. This is when the inhaler comes out and the epi pen is kept near! I hate when she has trouble breathing!

Have a GREAT week! We plan on it.

"This is me"...a mom with the plan to have purpose in her week, and be intentional in every step of the way!

Fireproof!

2009-03-15T22:32:00.002-05:00

If you haven't seen Fireproof...you've got to rent it!

We just watched it at church tonight...it was incredible! I'm glad to have seen it and it makes me reevaluate my marriage. I want a tight, close, wonderful marriage with God in the center!

For those who didn't know...Kirk Cameron kissed his "real" wife at the end of the movie...not the actress. They had her step in so he could kiss her instead. He said that he would never feel comfortable kissing anyone but his wife! AWESOME!

See it if you haven't!

"This is Me"...a wife who was found cryin'...and wishin' the lights would have been turned down just a little bit more! LOL!

Loved the message!

2009-03-15T13:00:00.004-05:00

The message this Sunday morning was powerful! So, was the Sunday School lesson!

And I have to say, "Shut up, is a good term!" (didn't think I would ever say that)!

As Preacher talked about the Walls of Jericho coming down and explained how instructions were followed to "get the job done"...it was sure new light put on an old story.

The biggest thing was that the people were told to march around the wall 7 times, 7 days and to do it with their mouths shut! Why? was the big question. Because if they had not been told to do it quietly...the job would have never been completed. People would have dropped out, and started to believe those that were complaining, griping, etc.

SO GOOD!

I started thinking about that and about women in general. I also started thinking about the past couple of years and how I have seen women turn to the world of gossip even more. Ladies, I'm not joking. It has became rampant. I have to admit that I was even there for a short season and didn't even see it coming or going. It can be overtaking that you don't even see it slap you in the face!

I can say now that I'm not perfect...but, I am so far removed from that person now...so far from wanting to "touch that". I find it repulsive. Not saying that it won't happen again to me...but, I'm sure gonna work my tail off to not let it! It for sure is presented everywhere I am...it's an easy trap to fall into, but a very hard one to get out of! It's a big pit! And it's not "counseling" or "a prayer request"...if your dogging others ...It's SIN!

So, I wanted to share with you what I've learned over the last while. A few tips to see that you're knee deep and the lesson came today of just how to get out of it!

I think that if you find yourself friends, (or maybe you find this to be yourself), with someone who never "shuts up" about others...that is rampant in talking, then their walk with God is not on. They are not walking in faith with God that the walls will come down. They are to busy downing everyone. And if this is your best bud and you can't get enough...there's a problem. They are, (and you if you continue to listen, to buy in), the one that is ruining not only their walk of faith but, also yours, and others by ruining them. If you are hook, line, and sinker into what they tell you...I feel sorry for you. I've been there (but, sure didn't stay long...praise you Jesus)!

Think about this...if the person they are talking about (or people) are ones that you never hear speak a word of unkindness...you never hear that they are gossiping...then I think you've picked the wrong friend, I think you've picked the wrong one to believe. If someone is only taking and downing others...then they have the BIG problem!

I really think that it's time for us ladies to wake up! Waking up and learning to be still and to have friends that are still...is a great thing! THE WALLS WILL COME DOWN FLAT!

In Sunday school we were talking about the qualities of a Pastor. What a great lesson! They need to have order, and be on track with the word of God. You know I was thinking about godly women that I have been under their ministry. I wanted to name a few...ones that I NEVER heard speak a bad word about anyone else, (oh, they probably knew many things...but, they knew their role and knew they had to be above reproach. It takes quite a women to bite her tongue and to keep things bottled up...especially when evil is being spoke about her). Here's a few, (PCBC gals will know these ladies)...Mrs. Grey...you wouldn't hear an ugly word come from her mouth. Renee Grey, Stephanie Housley, Ceila Huntsman, Joy Harrop. You know...these are women that I can admire. If someone is talking about them...then what is wrong with the person talking?

I just so want ladies to see that gossip is rampant. That it is not good. And that if you are buying into ugly, into talk...if that's all you're hearing (or all you're doing)...then you've got to "Shut Up" (as preacher said)! The work of God cannot get done with all the talk! The walls will not come down!

There are so many things that we listen to someone, and buy into their junk...that is simply them trying to make themselves look good and to do that at the hurt of many others.

Again is someone is always dogging people you know...#1 it's wrong for them to do that, and for you to listen! You have to say, "Enough!" But, also if they are always doing it and you are sitting at their feet and taking it all in...you have picked the wrong friend! Plain and simple. They are covering their selves up by bringing others down! Just look at who they are talking about with fresh eyes! Really...do that! And if you see that those people (or that person) is always "NOT" talking about others...is never whispering in a corner...then the person you're listening to is the one that has a HUGE problem! You have to check your sources...and then RUN!

Just such a good message! If the people would not have been told to be quiet as they marched around that wall...oh, wow! There would have been people complaining. Saying, "Kathy can you believe that. Mary is not even walking that fast." "The preacher is crazy." Complain, Complain, gossip, gossip, rising up's against good people that are doing what God called them to do. It would have been a mess...and the walls would not have came down!

Do you know that some things that people tell you...might not be the truth. WOW! SHOCKING! They might be covering up for their own problem, for a mess that they have brought on themselves or caused. And just possibly the person they have talked about has been so gracious to just be quiet and not dig a grave for that person. And has taken the rap, the talk, the ugliness for the person who is downing them (takes a mighty big person to do that...wow!). Just possibly! Again look at the pudding...the proof is in the pudding!

I just want women to pull together, to unite, to walk in faith together...and to bring down mighty, huge walls! But, we have to "Shut Up!" Stop with the ugliness, with the ungodliness. Have to walk away from those who are constantly gossiping, and look at the proof!

Do you know that since I have turned away from certain people that are huge gossipers, people destroyers...I have lost other friends for it! I have not been accepted by a couple of people on facebook because I know they have been told ugly things that just aren't true. CRAZY! I was friends with them for 15 years longer than the other person. Have I heard myself being talked about? No! But, I know in their life right now, who their close friends are. The ones that I said, "Enough!" too. You can tell alot about a person by who their friends are!

It takes a lot to stand up and say, "ENOUGH!" But, when you do...it feels great. You might lose a few friends along the way...you just have to pray for them. But, your faith is built, the march around the wall is easier...and it's peaceful! It's wonderful! It's FREE!

I pray for all women who are caught up in it! I think it's many more than we even think! Women are the worst in this area! So, if you catch me where I need not be...tell me to "Shut Up!" I never want to be in that position again! It's a lonely place to be! I want to be a source of help! I want to march in the quietness of my Savior! I want to please Him. And if I'm always talking...how can I hear His desires! I want to be loving, and be hospitable, and to have people like me because I'm warm. I want to be the friend others desire to be around...not worry about what I'm saying or doing! I want to help bring down the walls. The walls in this world, in my relationships, in my church family, in the kingdom of my Almighty God!

Let's unite as Christ Followers and sit quietly at His feet! Let's learn to "Shut Up!"

Love ya!

"This is Me"....A women learning to shut up!

Check out the link to my travel blog on the top right of this blog!

2009-03-13T08:03:00.001-05:00

Another day...

2009-03-13T07:51:00.003-05:00

~My devotion this morning was to be content. If I have food and clothing I should be content in this life. I feel I am! I need nothing! You know if my family is healthy and here with me today...I don't need "stuff"...that's not what life is about!

~Our morning devotions are going great! The kids and I love spending this time together before school. I want to have purpose and be intentional in this area. If I start my day with the Lord, why would I not start my kids day with Him. I'm glad we spend our time in the word together! After that...there is no GIANTS that we cannot face! Devotion plus prayer at the start of our day = shelter, Armour, and protection from all of those nasty GIANTS!

~Darren and I have a date night tonight! It's been FOREVER! Nana & PaPa invited Corbin & Lauren to dinner & the play at Drury (where Doris makes the costumes). So they get a fun night out and so do we! We are thinking dinner & a movie!

~And I did find out that my wild son was "Punking" me yesterday morning. He sat the bears up watching Dora! Whew! Glad to know that the Latte and lack of sleep didn't make me crazy! LOL!

Have a great day!

"This is me"...a mom who loves spending everyday with her kids, and a date night with my guy!

Latte after 7 and 3 stuffed bears watching Dora...

2009-03-12T08:42:00.007-05:00

No more Starbucks after 7! I was so tired but, could not sleep last night! I went to bed at 2:00 and I think I slept some...but, not deep. I looked at the clock at 4:00 and got up at 8:00.

So when up at 2:00...Starbucks poured into a mug, a comfy blanket and couch, the remote and t.v. turned to HGTV, and the laptop!

Woke up this morning to no one in the living room except Lauren's 3 bears. Sitting on the couch and Dora was on the t.v.! My kids so don't like Dora. Is someone punking me? I don't even remember them being there with me at 2:00 am (who knows though I was delirious)! But, when you're tired it's a weird thing to wake up and find!

"This is me"...tired, delirious, and seeing 3 little bears watching Dora on t.v.!

Check out my New Blog on Travel!

2009-03-12T01:52:00.000-05:00

Surf, Sand, and Fun!

http://islandreviewsforyou.blogspot.com/
(the link is up in the right hand corner of my page)

This is a work in progress! I have only just started listing locations, and information. So, keep checking back! This will not just include island destinations...I want it too include all of our favorites!

I just really wanted to share all of our travel destinations and experiences with everyone. We love to travel and I love to research extensively where to go next!

I am told by many, even my travel agent, that I should be a travel agent! When I call her I already have everything together...it makes her job easier!

So, I hope you enjoy! For those who already travel a lot and enjoys it as much as me...I hope you enjoy looking at all of the photos and glorious places God has created and that we have been!

"This is me"...travel crazed women, always lookin' for a fun, new spot!

2009-03-11T20:36:00.001-05:00

MySpace Graphics

Prayer...

2009-03-11T17:56:00.002-05:00

For those PCBC gals...let's not forget to pray for the pulpit committee!

I was just thinking as Darren didn't come home from work tonight and headed straight from work to church (with no dinner until late for a 2nd night in a row), for yet another meeting...they need prayer!

Not only is it a time of prayer for them themselves, but, also of discernment, work, stress, and time away from their families. It's quite the commitment during this process.

So, as they work so hard and to the best of their abilities, while letting God do the rest...let's pray. And again remove any negative, critical thoughts about how they could do it better, different, etc.

They are not there to ruin our church, or make wrong decisions. They are men that have a heart for God, a heart for their church family, and who have made a big commitment to take the time to work hard on this.

Praise you Jesus for men who are willing!

So, as I save dinner yet again...instead of getting negative and telling him that I can't believe 2 nights in a row he's been home so late...I will pray!

Love ya!

"This is me"...a wife with dinner on the table, and a husband not here because he's not able!

**Also let's continue to pray for Preacher and Carla as they are retiring, and our incoming Pastor and family, and the new staff to come!

Busy Spring and Fun Summer!

2009-03-11T09:36:00.006-05:00

We are off to a busy spring and a Fun Summer!

Lauren this spring has a few extra piano practices along with spring competitions. She has been working hard.

I just signed Corbin up for "Track and Field". Normally he does soccer in the summer with spring practices. This year I think he was burned out on soccer and he asked to do Track and Field with the Eagles homeschool team. It's a short season, just the end of March, April and May...but a busy one.

He will have to be disciplined and train on his own 3 days a week (which means with mom or dad...lol). He will have practices on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, (they practice at Spf. Catholic's track). Then he will have meets every Saturday. Some are here in Springfield but then the others are not. He has a meet in Olathe, Kansas, one in Seneca, another in Oklahoma, and a couple more that I can't think of right now. It will be interesting.

Darren and his parents did this travel thing for many years (it was the norm) ,with Darren attending Christian Schools of Springfield. So, this is a new thing for me, and an old thing for Darren. Even though they are "all" day events...it will be fun to travel with great friends and hang out with them while watching our kiddos.

I think what's nice is that even with the traveling (which will be coming with basketball next fall also)...there is never a practice on a church night and never a game on a church night. I love that!

The last meet ends on the 16th of May. Also that week is the last day of school for us. So, that Tuesday will be filled with end of school parties and awards ceremonies at our co-op. I think Lauren is going to the Discovery Center for the day and Corbin is going bowling!

All of this ends just in time for our vacation the following Thursday. Yea! What a way to end the school year!

In June we have Jr. Zookeeper for Corbin and Jr. Vet's for Lauren. Corbin's is 4 days all day, Lauren's 3 days 1/2 days. They love these programs.

Sometime should be basketball camps, church camp, and bible school (they are excited to hang out with friends at all of these)...and it gives me time to get lesson plans done for the next school year and have some alone time...Yea me! Corbin just reminded me that he will not be young enough to attend bible school...YIKES! So, he wants to co-help with me. How fun to take that next step together!

Sometime in July we will be going with Darren to St. Louis. Hope to do the zoo and we are for sure going to use our Six Flags season passes...I vote waterpark only (don't think I can do roller coasters again)! And maybe June and August we will squeeze in a Sat. here and there for Six Flags!

In August we are heading to Florida with good friends. Panama City Beach here we come! We can't wait.

Along with that Corbin will still have guitar and Lauren piano. We also have a pool membership. Last year we only had it a few weeks before the pool closed. This year we are excited to have it all summer. Summer should be GREAT. It will be nice to have our Saturdays free with no soccer this year.

It sounds busy...but, really it's not. Spring will keep us "hoppin"...but Summer is just gonna' be summertime fun!

"This is me"...just filled out the calendar and sharing it with you!

How well do your kids know you?

2009-03-11T07:13:00.003-05:00

I decided to post this from my facebook page. As I read Aubrey and Amanda's list...I just had to do this. It was a lot of fun and laughs for myself and the kids. Enjoy!

If you have kids...Cut and paste these questions and ask your kids their answers....it's a RIOT!

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"Clean up your room. (Corbin)
"I love you." (Lauren)

2. What makes mom happy?
"when we get our school work done fast" (Corbin)
"us and daddy's kisses" (Lauren)

3. What makes mom sad?
“Grandma” (Corbin)
"whenever we disobey" (Lauren)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
"tickling me" (Corbin)
"when she pinches my behind" (Lauren)

5. What was your mommy like as a child?
"a freak" (Corbin)
"a farm girl" (Lauren)

6. How old is your mom?
"5o...no don't put that, no don't put that on there. 50!" (Corbin)
"21...but for real 37" (Lauren)

7. How tall is your mom?
"5 ft. 5" (Corbin)
"5 ft. 6" (Lauren)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Going on vacation with us!" (Corbin)
"Going on vacation with us!" (Lauren)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"Plays Mario Cart!" (Corbin)
"Makes out with dad!" (Lauren)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"A book writer!" (Corbin)
"Dancing with the stars...because you always dance!" (Lauren)

11. What is your mom really good at?
"Beating me at Mario Cart! Being a teacher and a mom and a chef!" (Corbin)
"Cooking!" (Lauren)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"Not being worried." (Corbin)
"The armpit noise thing." (Lauren)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
"Teacher, stay at home mom, chef, caretaker to the Dude that comes home at night." (Corbin)
"Being a teacher, a mom, used to be a waitress!" (Lauren)

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
"Sushi." (Corbin)
"Cieleto Lindo." (Lauren)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
"That she can handle me, and take care of me!" (Corbin)
"Your a good mommy." (Lauren)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"Velma" (Corbin)
"Road Runner." (Lauren)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
"Play Wii." (Corbin)
"Cook together." (Lauren)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
"I have her lips and hair. We're organized." (Corbin)
"When you were little we both had the same color of hair. Same personality." (Lauren)

19. How are you and your mom different?
"I'm not a girl." (Corbin)
"Mommy's married and I'm not." (Lauren)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"Just because." (Corbin)
"Because she told me...duh!" (Lauren)

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
"He provides for us." (Corbin)
"That he's a Dude and not a women." (Lauren)

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
"Caribbean." (Corbin)
"Jamaica" (Lauren)

Head Banger...

2009-03-09T12:58:00.002-05:00

Just had to share my laughing. The kids and I took our lunch break and was eating while watching "Freaky Friday". When the concert part came on where they are trying out at the House of Blues...I started singing to the music and doing a bit of head banging!

My kids looked at me...rolled their eyes...acted embarrassed...then in a few minutes...joined in!

I love that they've got used to the crazy me...and I'm glad that I can have fun with my kids! Any given day I'll bust a move (didn't say good...lol...a silly dance makes it all the more fun!)...but, even though they act embarrassed at first...they always end up joining in and being silly!

I love laughing and singing and dancing with my kids!! Joy! It's the best!

"This is me"...The head bangin' mom!

Up with a kick in my step!

2009-03-09T08:33:00.004-05:00

I woke up today with a Kick in my step! I haven't felt this energized in quite some time! Even over the weekend, with Lauren sick at home, I managed to reorganize and clean out the kids rooms, and do other projects around the house!

This morning I got up and made my smoothie, opened the front door to let in sunlight, (prayin' no one stops by...I hate when the front door is open and someone "pops" up to it and I'm in p.j.'s not properly dressed, and hair a mess with no makeup...havin' to stand there cross armed over the chest area while talking...oh, come on you know exactly what I mean. But, I'm daring this morning! lol! I needed that bright sun!), and am charged to go!

I will have to admit that some of the charge might come from the extra hour of sleep I just got...oops! My stinkin' blackberry did not change with the time change for some reason. So I sat my alarm for 6:30 and woke up refreshed. Then when I went into the kitchen I noticed it was 7:30. It makes for a confusing morning and more rushed! But, I'm good...not gonna get too rushed and just gonna' flow with it!

We are gonna bust it today on school work...want to get it all wrapped up before vacation in May! And hopefully I can get the house picked up and going! Then I would love to work on my bathroom. It has been a disaster for ever. Half done, half not. UGLY! There's a bathroom for a makeover show! But, not even one camera would fit in that tiny space!!! I also want to get my screened porch cleaned and ready for BBQ's. I'm sure its a dusty, dirty mess!

Spring is alive! I have flowers blooming and the sunshine is grand! And of course expected storms! Can we not have spring without tornado warnings! I'm just not gonna think about that...that will ruin my bounce! LOL!

For those PCBC girls...don't forget to pray for our pulpit committee and our new pastor to be and his family. Pray that God would lead the men to the perfect man for this position and the right staff to fill each position. Pray that him and his families transition would be smooth and that we would all except them with open arms. This is an exciting time for our church! Also pray for Preacher and Carla and their transition...this is a whole new step in their lives also. Don't forget also to pray for the Harrops. Send them a facebook message of encouragment. I know Joy is having somewhat of a hard time not having a home, and just adjusting. It's better to pray then to criticize and "chit-chat" (last couple of blogs). Let's lift everyone in prayer!!!

Have a GREAT day! I plan on it!

"This is me"...a girl with one unexpected extra hour of sleep, with a big bounce in her feet, hoping the energy will remain, and that the kids won't drive me insane! lol!

Lord, thank you for this day! Thank you for the sunshine. Thank you for this energy that is back in my body. Let me not waste it!! I love you my dear Lord! Please be with the pulpit committee. Lead them in the path you so chose. Please be with our new pastor and his family...bless them and prepare them! Please be with Preacher and Carla, help them during this time and let us be an encouragment. Also be with Scott and Joy as they transition...comfort and bless them. Lord I love you and ask for your will to be done. Help me to not criticize or analyze all that is going on. Help me to only turn to you! I love you Lord. Amen

Criticism...It's a work in progress!

2009-03-08T08:41:00.003-05:00

When I typed the blog on criticism I knew that it was always going to be a work in progress. A "keep in check" thing!

It's so funny...I shared the scriptures and devotion with my kiddo's. So, we have been keeping each other in check (trying to do it light and fun). "Oh, you are criticizing!" I'm telling you...if you do that with family members...you will see just how much criticizing comes out of you and your families mouths! It was much more than I thought!!!

So, back to where I was...Boy, was I right! Not criticizing is a work in progress! It didn't take long for me to catch myself in the midst of it. And I even more agree with what was said as a comment about the Criticism blog (at the bottom of that blog). "With our husbands...it is still a sin to be criticizing."

I wasn't at all criticizing Darren (that's hard to believe, huh...lol), but he had shared a situation with me and I started picking it all apart (not really what seemed to be in a horrible way...don't we always justify). I found myself somewhat worked up and "sharing" with him what I thought, and why I thought it wasn't the best thing, and why I thought these particular people should probably do this instead of that, blah, blah, blah, blah!

And boy did I feel convicted! Praise you Jesus! I have been praying that I would catch myself when I am criticizing and sinning in that area. And I realized this time that it is not just "discussing with my husband"...it is plain and simple...sinning (Even though it would seem to many to not be horrible...there was nothing I could do in the situation...so why do I need to give my opinion).

I can proudly say that Darren is not a talker. He's not a woman huh, or have womanly traits (okay maybe for those that saw his silly video you would disagree...but, we don't need to bring that up now do we...lol). Seriously though. He is not a basher! He isn't like us women who "need" to tell what we think...uggghh. That is called women who need to learn to control their tongues! Again it's always something we "must" work on. He is not a person that will discuss, gossip, etc. He just takes care of himself. Now I might talk to him, or try...but, he tells me that I don't need to go there. How I admire that quality in him!

You know I look at the justifying and saying, "Well it wasn't horrible." I didn't see that it seemed to be so horrible what Aaron and Miriam said either in Numbers 12, they were just discussing...but, God saw it as horrible!!! Our world might say, "It's normal, and not horrible." But, in God's eyes it was serious enough to punish Miriam big time! Scary how we can justify in our world today and not be scared of what God thinks!!!

So, I see even more clearly that discussing situations, people, etc. with your husband in a negative light is nothing more than a sin. It causes your husband to doubt, to question whoever the conversation is about, to look at whoever differently, etc.! To think that I felt like I had the "no gossiping" thing under control, and staying away from those situations and people as best as possible...then God pushes it further and shows that, "Nope Jennifer I'm not done with you. Now I want you to not criticize and discuss with your husband either." Again I feel like a failure in God's eyes (past post)...but, it's great because I know I can still strive to be godly in His eyes!

It is not my job to judge, discuss, or give my opinion ESPECIALLY to my husband about others or situations in a negative light. All it does is put a negative light in his mind! And we have to remember God hears (Numbers 12)...God doesn't go for it! And if we don't get a hand on the situation, God surely will! He might not give us 3 strikes...he surely didn't with Miriam!

We also have to remember that we can get worked up about something or someone...but, it's much easier to pray and give it to God and let Him work through the person or situation. And that is what came to me after I caught myself. "Well, Jennifer didn't I handle it. It's already taken care of and you were still worked up, discussing, re-hashing the situation, and sinful." That's what I heard in my heart. It's so true!

I think as women we have to be very careful! We can be very destructive and not even realize it. What we might have been worked up about...as women we are just as quickly over it. Not mad anymore. And we really never did not like the person and we actually are still their friend. We were just discussing the situation and it was "just a discussion in our minds", and we're okay in a matter of minutes (is that not how us women are...crazy).

Our husband however: They are still thinking about it, possibly sticking up for us (and we have no idea why). They now walk into a room where that person is and might not see them the same. They now question who this person really is (and possibly they are an incredible godly person). Our spouse might make a drastic decision about whatever the discussion was about, that never needed to be made. And one thing is for sure...we have caused problems. YIKES!

I think we all struggle in this area more than we know. I will continue to ask God to call me on it and show me immediately when I have criticized. I want to be a godly women for my Lord!

Still a "work in progress"!

"This is Me" Jen

I was warned...

2009-03-07T19:09:00.004-06:00

I was told that my emotions would go from good to bad for awhile. I thought, "Oh, not me. I'm fine. I''m strong. I'm doing good." For the most part that has all been so very true..

It's the strange things in life that make you go, hmmmmm....

Tonight I went downstairs to take a much anticipated jacuzzi bath (love it). As I got in and turned the water way to hot. I thought, "Man, this is the life." Then my next wave of thought without a breathe in between was, "If I was still pregnant I wouldn't be in here doing this." Then the sadness hit...yet again. And as soon as it hit, in the next moment I was fine yet again.

I can say that overall I've been fine every single day. I never was all crying and a total mess. I had just a couple of moments, and I have been sad of course. But, I have been living joyfully pretty much every day with the family and the day God has blessed me with!

But, where tonight after I don't know how many jacuzzi baths I've done here lately...why tonight it was different I don't know. I was warned however.

I would give up every night of a hot jacuzzi bath to still be pregnant with my baby. But, I have to remember that that was not in the plans. And even now the emotions have passed and I'm back to okay. My hormones are obviously still wacky!!!!

"This is me"...Raw Emotions are still here...along with that a few more tears...But, with my Lord I do not fear! Praise you Jesus!!!!

"Be Quiet!"

2009-03-07T07:35:00.000-06:00

How many times a day do I say, "Be quiet!" during our school time? Oh, I cannot count the times. How easily my kiddos get distracted. Especially Corbin!

I just walk upstairs to do something for a sec. and my last words are, "Now work and don't talk." As soon as I hit the top step I hear whispers. Then within a couple of minutes I hear all out play. What's up with that? I guess it's called "kids". I try to remember what Preacher has said...Kids are kids and we can't expect them to walk quietly through church, they are gonna run and not be quiet!

But, I do have to establish some type of order during our school day. Or we are doing school all day!

Throw the mop of a dog in the mix...and it's all out chaos! I can be sittin' right there with the kids and the next thing I know a chair is empty and I think, "How did my child just disappear?" It really is that fast! Then I see the dog running down the tile floor after his ball and crashing into the wall (he really does...poor dog)...and high tailing it back for another throw. Is it magic? No, it's my distracted child! So, then up goes the dog to the sunroom! And I am repeating my words..."You need to sit down and work and be quiet!" CRAZY!

So, I have to think how my Lord feels. I can't imagine how many times He's wanting to yell at me to "BE QUIET JENNIFER!". "Sit at my feet and be still!" "Let me teach you. But, I can't do it if you are not quiet!" "Are you distracted again? Stop doing that and take time for me this morning!" "Hello...I am speaking!"

Some mornings I get up and just jump into my day. I was doing so great for so long...then there was a bump in the road...and I lost my direction. During that time I was losing the time of just being still. I know that My Lord was getting tired of saying, "BE QUIET!" "What will it take to get her back on track?"

I'm glad I'm back on track. I for sure don't want a bigger wake-up to not being quiet. With the kids, sometimes I've had enough and they need a big wake-up call. I have to react to their disobedience. It's time to bring out the "Big Guns"! Let me tell you that they don't like it. It's not comfortable. And I'm for sure that I don't want that from my Lord. I think His guns are much larger than mine!

So will you get back on track? Will you BE QUIET and sit at his feet? Listen to His teaching? Be in his classroom and learn? Not be sent to the principle office? Maybe you will. Maybe you won't. But, either way He will get your attention. Whether it's you desiring that time, or it's Him demanding it.

Again like the blog before. Maybe you've got things in your life that your questioning why it seems that God is not answering you. Just maybe He's plugged the flow! The answers, blessings, goodness is not flowing because He's had enough of your rebel attitude! Will it take removing the goods? The gameboy, playtime, having a friend over, extra chores? This list for my children could go on and on!

As I tell my kids...it's better to obey immediately then to have to from being in trouble. Plus not obeying immediately is disobeying, even if you obey in a minute! I have learned that its much more frustrating to be that rebel and not being still at my Lord's feet. My life is much more peaceful when I have learned to BE QUIET!

"This is me" at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. I forgot to turn my alarm off from yesterday morning, so i was up at 6:30! But, you know...any later and I would not have had this quiet time at my Lords feet! So, it's all good! Jen

San Antonio Pict's

2009-03-06T12:38:00.002-06:00

Okay...here it is! We are missing some zoo photos that I couldn't get to download from my blackberry. Hope to get those soon!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Criticism...

2009-03-06T06:50:00.009-06:00

I so enjoyed the bible study this past Wednesday night. The bible study is "Lord, Change My Attitude" by James MacDonald.

This week he hit on criticism, and we dug into Numbers 12 (it's a good read). I think what I really learned from this lesson was how serious God is about our sin.

I guess I realized that what Aaron and Miriam did would seem to many just a little thing. I mean they only said one sentence. They only questioned why God spoke through Moses and didn't he speak through them also. Does that seem that big of a deal? Well it is. It is to God.

God heard them (vs.2). God heard their attitude. God heard their questioning of his servant Moses...his chosen one. And this was a BIG deal.

I think that is what really stood out. It doesn't "seem" like a big thing. I mean how many times have I done this? How many times have I just gave my opinion on what I think, or how someone could "do it better". How many times have I questioned why someone got to do that, and I haven't. Maybe my questioning is why! Ouch!

How have I missed the true meaning of this? In verse 8 the Lord also asked, "Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?" Other way to say it..."Why are you not afraid to be so bold and say these things against my servant?" Or, "How in the world do you have the nerve?"

God was ticked. As James said, "God is defiantly not into this!" It says in verse 9, The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them. But, He did not just leave either. He left and when the cloud lifted, Miriam was leprous and she was also shut out of the camp for quite some time. Another version says Shut Up from the camp. She wasn't gonna say anything else bad!

In vs. 11, Aaron told Moses that they had messed up, and that he was sorry. And you know Moses was forgiving. He begged God to not punish Miriam. What a great man of God.

It was interesting that James was telling us that it seems that those that speak boldly, gossip, and are critical if you go to that type of person and confront them...they seem to always quickly say, "Yeh, man I don't know why I said that. I shouldn't have." They don't seem to hide it. But, they make excuses for it. And they don't stop. They are back at it. Interesting. They obviously don't see it as that big of a deal. That is their personality, how he was raised, it was needed, and on and on.

He also went through telling point by point why criticism is destructive in our lives.

It is wrong for our relationship with others.
It is wrong for us personally
It is wrong because it is petty.

With that one he said that if you have the attitude, "I'm the only one who has it figured out. I'm the only one who gets it. Why can't anyone else see it." Then you are sinning and it is petty. You're not all that. He says if you have that attitude then you need to ask yourself, "What is really bothering you?" Is it unforgiveness, envy, jealousy, personal failure that you can't deal with? Then he quoted Romans 14:4...Who are you to judge? It's not our worry...let it go! Release and have a good life!

It is wrong because it is self exalting! (I just talked about this in a past post...we have to remove self from the picture!) He said to remember that every time you throw dirt you lose ground! Proverbs 3:7 says to not be wise in your own eyes!
It is wrong because it is painful.

This next one is what really stood out for me!

It is often inadvertent! Numbers 12:11 says: "Please,my lord, do not hold against us the sin we have so foolishly committed. James said that it plugs the flow of God's blessings!

When I thought of that and thought how small this sin seemed to be. "They only were frustrated, they only said one little thing. I mean come on...can they not let out their frustrations?" Do you think that? I really started thinking about that. But, more I started thinking about what blessings I'm missing out on every time I just do that "little sin". That little criticism.

Is it really criticism? Come on..."I'm just telling my hubby what I think." "I'm just giving my opinion on how she screwed up." "The church situation needs to be discussed." "They need someone to listen to." "I felt led to tell them this because I can plainly see it." "It's my best friend and we talk about everything, it's okay with us!" "I can't let go of that bad friendship and be mean, I just see the good in everyone." (Remember that you don't have to be buds with someone who is tearing everyone down, including you...you can simply step away and pray for them instead).

I had to think on that last one. Are you a people pleaser? Feel like you want to please everyone, whether they are good in your life or not? Whether they have sinned against their brother and still continue...and you can't see that you are their weapon? I've been there. I've been the brunt of being the weapon. I've been pulled into what seemed to be, "Discussing situations so we could pray about it." And yes, I have pulled others in also. The only way to fix that is to stop! Let me say it again, (I've learned this and am a practicing member), the only way to fix it IS TO STOP!

It was interesting. James said this, "If you need to counsel and talk to someone before confronting a fellow brother with a problem...that is okay. But, if you discuss the problem and cannot conclude this counseling with prayer for that person, then there is a problem." I also took that as you can go to a Godly person for counsel on how to handle a situation...but, that is only to get counsel to find out how to handle the situation (not to damage the other person). If you are not handling the situation and you are re-hashing, and bashing this person in that conversation and many more conversations...that is not Godly counsel...that is gossip!

Oh, how us women need to get this down! How I need to keep this in my mind!

God took something that seems to many to not be "something that is that big." in our world today, and He was mad! All they said was, "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn't He also spoken through us." All I know is I want to learn from this...I don't want my Lord mad. I don't want blessings withheld from me. What am I missing out on because I am doing what I might consider to not be a big deal? Have I not only missed out on blessings but have been punished or am gonana be? Miriam was given Leprosy. YIKES! NOT PRETTY!

So, what could we gain from stopping the craziness? Becoming holy women before God! It's exciting to think about! It's time to stop playing games! It's time to have good relationships! God isn't playing games!

So, if we are going to go hang out with a girlfriend today, I pray that we will think on this. We might think that pulling out our bible and spending hours together in His word is a "tight" Godly relationship. And done right...it is an incredible relationship! But, if it is intangled with gossip, saying, "We're the only ones who get it. What is wrong with everyone else." And totally criticizing everyone. It's not good! We are gonna make God mad! And for sure if we are criticizing a Pastor or leader that God has appointed...that scares me! He is God's anointed one! And that is exactly what this chapter was about!

If we are hanging with our kids today, I pray that we will think on this. He did briefly hit this. They are so precious. We need to not be critical. We need to uplift them. Oh, how I get into our school work, and I get frustrated...and lose it, and speak when I shouldn't. I pray that I will be uplifting. I have to remember that one little statement can put them down so low! Let's uplift our kids!!! And let's uplift our entire family...our husbands (another one that I have to work on)! I'm starting to feel like a failure again compared to my Lord (a post from a few days ago). But, if I feel this...I will work on growing! I know I'm not perfect!

Let's get blessed! Let's let the blessings poured all over us. Here's some verses to look up today:

Is. 59:1 - If I'm sinning, God might not hear me. When I'm wondering if He's there and why He doesn't seem to be answering me. Maybe He has plugged His ears!

1 John 1:9 - Confess you sin so He can hear you!

Then Grace will rush over us! Whew!!! What a rush that will be!!!

This is Me...Jen

*Just had to add a comment I received about this post. Here it is:

"A good guide would be to imagine that God is right there in our conversation. For some reason we think we can hide from Him.

I have always thought that you can talk about things with your husband, but I realize that by just "talking" with a bad attitude even with your own spouse can cause damage and is still sin. Again, God is there listening."

He sees through...

2009-03-04T10:17:00.003-06:00

Do you put on make-up and get dressed up when you meet with the Holy One at 6:00 am in the morning? Okay 11:00 am for some of you dear sisters in Christ! LOL!

I'm sure your 1st answer was, "No! How silly!" But, do you? I know I have. I put on that masquerade with Him. I think if I don't mention what's going on in my life that He won't see it. I have made things sound better than they are. I want to be all about me...and if I'm doing that, then I have to make it pretty, look good, smell like roses! Why would I show the ugly?

The God of the Universe, the Creator of all that is, seen and unseen, has already seen the absolute worst we have to offer. He's seen the ugly. So why do we not just pour it all out to Him? Go to Him completely natural?

Thomas Merton, a monk said this: "The reason we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with God is that we so seldom acknowledge our utter nothingness before Him."

One more? "People are like stained glass windows--the true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within. The darker the night, the brighter the windows." --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Okay I've got more...

"The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore. --Author Unknown

"How do you keep it up--you will fail. The encore gets harder and harder." --Author Unknown

Okay...finished with the quotes!

Are you giving up your own identity in order to become someone else? I know I have. Poser!

Let me tell you...I have came to realize...There is not time in my life to be someone else. Again..."This is me." Yes, I can work to be a better me.

Here's some things I strive for:

Patience
A quieter spirit
A better listener
A better friend
More humble
More knowledgeable of God's holy word
More aware of God's presence in my life
Better with the time God has given me
To truly be who God has made me to be...and to be no one else!

This is not the whole list...but, I will not bore you anymore! I'm sure many are saying, "Yes, that would be a good one for you!" lol...and so true!

So...how? How do I stop posing and stop throwing on the make-up in front of my Lord and in front of those around me?

The elimination of self is the key. It is the key to holiness and happiness!

"If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." Luke 9:23

It doesn't matter if I feel good about myself...on many days I don't. I think "failure"! My self-worth can not come from me or what others think either. Oh, how others will judge.

My self-worth, my self-esteem can only be based on what my Father sees me as. Do I see that, do I believe it? God thinks I'm incredible! Say that! God thinks I'm incredible, wonderful, His child, that I am precious and worth more than anything in this world!

I can put the make-up on to go to Him. But, as His child how does He see me? Do you remember when you were a little girl and you would get into mom's make-up? I would go outside the lines...I would end up looking like a clown! Do I want to look like that in front of my Father? He doesn't want a clown in His presence. He wants His little girl. Just like Darren cringes when Lauren comes out with lots of make-up on...he wants her to be pure, clean, not look like she's a grown women, all made up. So does our Father...He wants us to come to Him just the way we really are! Naked in front of Him!

With those last words. Naked. I cringe. I thought I was doing pretty good in front of my Lord with being who I really am with Him. But, when I think naked...I am for sure not where I need to be! I am still holding back. I need to give Him all of who I am...the good, bad, and the ugly. The good hair day, the break-outs, and the cellulite...all have to be exposed. help...

Lord, I stop right now and pray to you. Lord please help me to let it go. To not be a poser. To give you everything, so you can make me who you want me to be! Help me to be totally without make-up and totally naked in front of you. I want to give you my all. I want to eliminate myself, deny myself...and let you work a wonder in my life. Amen

We have to get real. We have to take our minds back, away from the powerful influences of this world. The media, those that judge us, our own mind, and on and on. We have to see ourselves as God sees us. When I think of that I can see a lot that I need to work on! A lot that I need to give to the Lord and let Him work on (miracles Lord, please).

God's definition of beauty, is not the worlds! Is not ours! He sees perfection! He doesn't make flaws, or lives that are not living abundantly! He makes master pieces, and lives so abundant and overflowing that we should not have time to be bored, depressed, or upset! If we are there in the muck...then again that's self! And we need to blow "self" up! LOL!

So, as I prepare to meet with my Lord...I am going to scrub off the fakeness, the make-up, and remove all of my clothes (not really...just a way to remember to be who I am in front of Him..."whew", we all say), and get on my face before my Lord as who He made me. Then I pray that I can present myself to the world as someone who is not fake, is not who they want, but who God made and be able to continue to say, "This is me!"

Love ya...This is Me...Jen

Why won't it work?

2009-03-04T10:08:00.001-06:00

With my "new look" to my blog I have been trying to change some of the colors on my old post (get rid of the orange typing). It's not working.

So, if your going back to old posts and it's hard to read or looks strange...I haven't been able to fix it yet.

I'll keep trying :)!

This is Me...Jen

The last 9 weeks...

2009-03-02T18:03:00.033-06:00

I only type this today...to be real. To show trials in my life. To show how God brings the rain (see my song list), and the Sonshine. And how we survive what we think we might not ever be able to handle. I also type this in memory of what was gained and lost in these last few weeks.

I find myself after this 13 day trip saying, "I am good. I am restored. I am better, but still healing. I am thankful for Godly friends that was needed during this time. Thankful for a wonderful family. Thankful for my Lord. I am stronger. I am more aware. I am fragile. I am not as strong as I thought and have found myself leaning on my Lord. I am a child in my Lords arms. I am an example to my kids too how you deal. I am now a mom of 3...2 gained and one lost. One child being held in my Saviors arms...a better parent then I could ever be! I am living in a world that is not perfect...but looking forward to a heaven that is. A women and mom not ready to give up on the dream of having more children. A women scared to have more children...what if I lose again? A women glad to sit at the feet of those wiser than me that could walk me through their same experience, and some experiences worse than mine. A mom thankful to have 2 healthy kids...then to have none. A wife and mom who found herself vulnerable and at such a loss. Thankful for my 13 days with my family, by ourselves to heal, smile, laugh, hold hands, run, tickle, and build great memories. A heart that will always remember the morning sickness and growth of this 3rd child...and the moment they said that this child was no more. This is me."

When I found out of my loss (our loss) I made myself as I laid down the night after finding out...open my devotion (it was hard...I just wanted to sleep and forget my world...I didn't want to carry a child and know that it was gone, I was scared of what was to come, and when would I lose this child completely, I just wanted to shut it all out)...but, I knew I needed to read God's word, to draw close to Him. Here is what I read that night:

Trust and be not afraid. Life is full of wonder. Open child-trusting eyes to all I am doing for you. Fear not. Only a few steps more and then My Power shall be seen and known. You are, yourselves, now walking in the tunnel-darkness. Soon, you yourselves shall be lights to guide feet that are afraid. The cries of your sufferings have pierced even to the ears of God himself--My Father in heaven, your Father in Heaven. To hear, with God, is to answer. For only a cry from the heart, a cry to Divine Power to help human weakness, a trusting cry, ever reaches the Ear Divine. Remember, trembling heart, that with God, to hear is to answer. Your prayers, and they have been many, are answered.

"Before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

I then looked at the next page (the following days devotion) and kept reading that night:

I am your Lord, your Supply. You must rely on Me. Trust to the last uttermost limit. Trust and be not afraid. You must depend on Divine Power only. I have not forgotten you. Your help is coming. You shall know and realize My Power. Endurance is faith tried almost to the breaking point. You must wait, and trust, and hope, and joy in Me. You must not depend on man but on Me, on Me, your Strength, your Help, your Supply. This is the great test. Am I your supply or not? Every great work for Me has had to have this great test-time. Possess your souls in patience and rejoice. You must wait until I show the way. Heaven itself cannot contain more joy than that soul knows, when, after the waiting-test, I crown it Victor, but no disciple of Mine can be victor, who does not wait until I give the order to start. You cannot be anxious if you know that I am your supply.

"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James 1:4

After reading that I did have such a peace. I even got excited and called Darren in and said, "You've got to read this." I knew my life would go on. The shock and sadness would wear off and the Lord would never give me more than I could handle. I still had to wake up the next morning with kids to feed, lessons to take my kids too, joy to find in my life, and with my family. It was all gonna be good. And it has been!

I was gonna wake up the next morning and there was gonna be light...great light...it wasn't gonna' stay dark forever. And every day I have "lived" (it's so important) and I did at 1st have some dark nights...(up all night, couldn't sleep, time when it was awful quiet...but the light came). Now I sleep peacefully! Praise you Lord!

So, what in your life is keeping you down? Has put you into the dark with no way out (so you think)? You can choose to stay in the dark. But, the light is so much better. Don't let yourself be pulled under and into that darkness with whatever is going on in your life. There's so much light to be found! God is good, life is good. Our world for sure is not perfect and there will be heartache...but we must LIVE! Whatever it is...reach for your Lord...reach for the Light!

This is me! Jen

Growth...

2009-03-02T10:07:00.021-06:00

Our time this weekend with Brian and Renee was great. We had alot of fun and laughs. What great friends! They are the same no matter, and you never have to worry about them being different or not being your friends behind your back...they've got your back!

Renee and I had some great talks. It's nice to talk to someone who has more spiritual wisdom than you. It's great to sit at their feet and learn! We had a great talk about growth in the Christian life and how maturity obviously comes with that growth.

Thank goodness we can grow and not remain babes. As I was reading my devotion, sitting at the pool while the kids are swimming and we are waiting on Darren to finish his meeting this morning, I really enjoyed what I read and it brought me back to what Renee and I discussed.

Here's my devotion (read as if God was speaking it):

Think of Me. Look at Me often, and unconsciously you will grow like Me. You may never see it. The nearer you get to Me, the more will you see your unlikeness to Me. So be comforted, My children.

Pause: After reading that part...I thought, "Be comforted? By being unlike my Lord. That doesn't sound so comforting!"

Continue:

Your very deep sense of failure is a sure sign that you are growing nearer to Me. And if you desire to help others to Me, then that prayer-desire is answered.
Remember too, it is only struggle that hurts. In sloth, spiritual, or mental, or physical, there is no sense of failure or discomfort, but with action, with effort, you are conscious not of strength but of weakness--at least, at first. That again is a sign of Life, of spiritual growth. And remember, My Strength is made perfect in weakness.

- God Calling Journal

2 Corinthians 3:18 says: "But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

So, I had to think about my life with this. And I did realize that I am harder on myself now than years before. I do now have more of a growing sense of failure as I am maturing in Christ. I want to do better, I want to be able to reach others, help others...but, when I mess up I think, "How could I be used, I am a mess myself." "Oh, if I would not have said that." "I need to just pray and not get involved." And on and on!

I'm hard on myself in this point of my life. But, what if I wasn't? What if I joined in on the gossip at church and out of church? What if I acted like a child and protested what I didn't like about our pastor (I can't think of anything...just and example)? What if I "secretly" was carrying on conversations about others and thought...it's wrong but, it's truth and no one knows, we're emailing anyway? What if I walked into the church building and didn't praise and worship but, talked and was distracted through the service?

Well, there are some of those I so sadly have done. And many others that were not listed. But, what if I did those things and had no guilt? Didn't see the failure in it? Was so far from God that I couldn't see the wrong?

There was a time I was there a lot. A time that I could party on Sat. night and go to church and "act" spiritual. Times I could gripe about things and not see my own faults right in front of me. Why was that? Because...I wasn't growing. Oh, I was reading the latest book that was out...and thinking that was spiritual. But, now I look and think I was reading it and picking apart the church, my friends, my family, and being a good judge instead of really applying anything. That's just one example!

But, now I have realized that I don't need the latest book. I need the Bible. I have so enjoyed digging into God's word...not mans version of what he thinks the latest trend is...the Bible will always be the "Best seller"! I will do a good bible study...but, I'm not going to get into the latest book and see how that church's should change, or how to be a better people person, or whatever. I've been there done that. I know that God's word is never changing and that is where the truth is.

I have been reading the message and paralleling it to the KJV and NIV. How fun reading God's Holy word has been. How life changing (It's not the 1st time I've been in God's word obviously...but, these last couple of years has been the 1st in this light).

How much of a failure I do feel the deeper I get into it with My Lord. But, it makes me want to grow more! I'm not looking at what a failure others are. I'm seeing that I'm a mess! And I need to change and grow. And that I need to be fixed before I think I can fix everyone or everything.

Brian's message was great. There were several new unsaved people there...and His message was about being saved. He did say this that really stuck out. There is no difference if Renee and a woman that was a prostitute were both standing on stage...you would want to say that Renee was the better one (the pastors wife)...but, in God's eyes there is not a better one. We are all sinners. So, true! And so eye opening...I'm not "it"! Everyone is "it" in God's eyes, everyone is His children!

He also said that how easy we forget that WE are the church...not the building, not the pastor, etc. WE! I know we say that over and over. But, do we get it? If we are doing something to harm the church...we are harming our friends in Christ, not a building, (mad at someone and talking about them, sending emails about what we don't like about Sundays or about a certain person, staying out of the service...to make who knows what stand...have seen it lately, talking from one friend to another about each of them, talking about what needs to happen instead of praying, and oh, how the list goes on and on)...we are hurting our fellow friends in Christ. It effects everyone!

I had to really think about that over the last year or so. What are people doing? What have I done? Am I a baby, or am I growing in Christ? Am I feeling the failure and the growth pains when I am doing something wrong or before I even do it? And the big question...am I hurting my friends? Whether they are the same ones you sit with every Sunday or not. Everyone is in this boat together...and we are Christians for heavens sake! Are we harming our fellow Christians? As I tell my kids, "That makes God sad!" Do we get that? When we continuously stay where we are and don't grow, and continue in our sin, over and over and over, and never feel the pain...we are hurting God! Again I have to self-check and re-check...how sad it makes me think that I would hurt my Lord! But, I have, I do.

Wow, it seems I'm on top of the soap box...but, I'm bloggin' my journal...and this is my heart. I guess don't read if it sounds like something mean. It's not. Just my thoughts on paper. From the heart! In love...and really to myself...not directed towards any one person (actually no one in my mind besides my own sins).

My heart is just so full for my fellow family members in Christ.I just want our church family to be good! To be healthy! To be a family of Christians! Too see growth...growing pains...instead all staying babies! Don't we all want that? We have to work on ourselves 1st and foremost...really only ourselves not everyone else. It's a full time job to take care of our own spiritual lives!

Then...We have to pull together and be good for each other. We can't do that though if we are all babies...when is the last time you saw a baby taking care of another baby.?? Or another sick person nursing the one next to them who is also sick?

We should go in with love in our heart to our family! It just felt so good to walk into a church this past Sunday, that I didn't have to worry about who was going to say something negative, or be ugly, or see them be ugly to others. I have felt that in my family of believers lately. I know change can bring stress, but it doesn't have too. We can make it a positive. We can pray instead of talk! God knows! God knows!

It was nice to close my eyes and worship my Lord this past Sunday and hear a message and not worry about what was happening around me. And see who was in the corner talking about "what was happening", or "who is doing what". The alter is open for discussion with who needs to know! I remember Beth Moore saying that if we would stop and give it 24 hours of talking to our Father instead of calling or emailing a friend about what's bugging us...we would most of the time not find the need to tell anyone else...after we give it to the Lord! So true!

I so enjoyed this Sunday of worship...I felt the Holy Spirit there with me as I praised His Holy Name. Now I need to work on not being distracted (that is my own sin) and praise My Lord in My church. I think with growth I have also learned that I can praise My Lord in a church with many 70 year olds, or in a church that is modern. When the Holy Spirit is near and the word of God is being preached...not some new book being preached...the Lord will meet us there and we can praise Him anywhere. Also anyone can be saved if we are willing to witness to them and let the Holy Spirit work. They can be saved as a teen by Bro. Barnes witnessing to them, or by going to a modern church and listening to the latest music. If we invite the Holy Spirit there...it doesn't matter what type of church we are in. We can find peace, we can meet our Lord! The type of church is not what matters. Because remember...whatever is going on for that 2 hours of service...is not the "church"...WE are the church, our bodies the temple. How we find the Lord and spend time with Him daily is what is going to make the church great. Not what songs are being sung, or how the preacher preaches (as long as its from the word of God and that pastor has prayed for the Holy Spirit to speak through Him)...doesn't matter if it's our style or not. It matters that WE as the church are right with Him.

I was thinking about that this week also. I love hearing Phil Hopkins preach and saying "dude" and my heart is moved through Phil's speaking...as modern and plain spoken as he is, but when Bro. Randall spoke a couple of weeks ago I also was moved. We can be touched by His word no matter the speaker or style...if our hearts are right!

I am the church...am I a good example? Am I loving that member no matter what I think? Or am I possibly thinking things that are not right...and need to learn to love that church family member? It hurts to be found wrong. It hurts for our sins to be exposed. But, we don't grow without growth pains. I have experienced some hurts, some embarrassments in "mess ups"...but it's okay. I want to be like my Lord and I'm gonna work hard to get there. But, I know that it's gonna hurt and I'm gonna feel frustrated and like a failure.

But, if I'm feeling good and thinking that I'm right and I'm fine...then I'm probably stuck with a bottle in my mouth and not growing. I know I'm not perfect, I know that I am a mess, I know that I still have room to grow! Praise you Jesus! I know that I will hurt, be embarrassed, mess up, be a failure...but, I will do it in the open. It's okay! I also know that I have grown and will not judge, gossip, be unteachable, etc.! Now with that said...when I DO do what I just said I wouldn't do...I hope I will be embarrassed, feel guilty, feel like a failure, etc. I know it will happen and I want to feel the hurt so I can grow! But, I love that maturity is what's happening...even though there's pain!

This is me...Jen

SonShine...

2009-02-27T18:19:00.004-06:00

I will take time and blog about my last few weeks once I get home.

I just happen to have a few minutes too myself while Darren has the kids at the pool...so I thought I would type just for a sec.

Our get-away to Texas has been a bit of sunshine...and Sonshine! When you have things going on in your life...nothing like some Sonshine and sunshine to heal the spirit! This has been a GREAT getaway!

I'll update and get deeper a little later!

This is Me...Jen

Who set this stage called "My Life"...

2009-01-02T07:13:00.004-06:00

I really enjoyed my reading this morning. Darren's mom got him The New Testament in The Message style. Love how it reads like a novel. We both have dove into Romans.

This mornings message to me was a realization that I guess I haven't had. Most would probably say to me, "You didn't know that?" Or, "You didn't get that?" I think I knew...but, it just didn't hit me in this way ever before.

You know how we question...at least I have, about how things can happen the way they do in life. People dying of cancer, accidents and injuries, sudden deaths, etc. The question seems to come, "How could God allow this?" I have always tried to block those questions out of my mind. I don't want to be disrespectful, I want to know that God is in control and He has had a plan. But, the questions still run through my mind sometimes. But, I do always try to quickly dismiss it and remind myself that God is in control.

But, today I said...OH! Oh, I get it so much more clearly now! So, here is what I read out of the 5th chapter of Romans from The Message.

The Death-Dealing sin, The Life-giving Gift
You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we're in--first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death. That sin disturbed relations with God in everything and everyone, but the extent of the disturbance was not clear until god spelled it out in detail to Moses. So death, this huge abyss separating us from God, dominated the landscape from Adam to Moses. Even those who didn't sin precisely as Adam did by disobeying a specific command of God still had to experience this termination of life, this separation from God. But, Adam, who got us into this, also points ahead to the One who will get us out of it.
Yet the rescuing gift is not exactly parallel to the death-dealing sin. If one man's sin put crowds of people at the dead-end abyss of separation from God, just think what god's gift poured through one man, Jesus Christ, will do! There's no comparison between that death-dealing sin and this generous, life-giving gift. The verdict on that one sin was the death sentence; the verdict on the many sins that followed was this wonderful life sentence. If death got the upper hand through one man's wrongdoing, can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides?
here it is in a nutshell: Just as one person did it wrong and got us in all this trouble with sin and death, another person did it right and got us out of it. But more than just getting us out of trouble, he got us into life! One man said no to God and put many people in the wrong; one man said yes to God and put many in the right.
All that passing laws against sin did was produce more law-breakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life--a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.

I think when I read this...it reminded me why we are in this nasty world right now. It wasn't God. God provided a perfect setting and an ever walking life with HIM for Adam and Eve. But, they didn't obey. With them getting thrown out into an imperfect world came our life. Sin, death, injury, sadness, etc. A dark separation from God. But, for now only! We are living the mess that Adam and Eve created...we're living their choices. And we are separated. God kicked Adam and Eve out of that one on one walk with Him in that perfect place...when He kicked them out He also let them have what they desired. Satan. Sin. Satan went with them. They were given their choice. Full blown, full force. With that came their heritage, their children's, children's, children. Nothing has changed.

But, praise you Jesus for coming. We know that we will be back in a perfect place before we know it! That thrills me. It makes me think that no matter how angry God was at Adam and Eve and their sinful choice...its like our Father couldn't stand thinking that all of His children would be left out in this world with no hope to be with Him. He obviously wants loved ones with Him...for Him to choose to make a heaven for us and give us a second chance. To send His Son to die for us and show us a way back to a perfect walk with Him. He wanted us with Him so bad...He provided another way...the Garden of Eden band, Heaven built and open for us! Now that's a full circle! WOW!

Know matter what our ancestors set for us. This stage called life (which is more of a death)...we will see what real life is before long. I remember my cousin Mike really blaming God for my Aunt's death. So, angry. That's so many times the 1st thought...WHY God? But, it should be Why Adam, why Eve? Why couldn't you have resisted?

But, here's what the 1st part of chapter 5 says:

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us--set us right with him, make us fit for him--we have it all together with God because of our master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand--out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. quite the contrary--we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were o no use whatever to him.
Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there in no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with god by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!

He created us, he wants tha companionship. We do have to live this life that Adam and Eve "messed up". But, we have the perfect life coming. This stage has been set for My Life. I'm just glad that is going to come full circle and back to what God intended from the beginning...a perfect place, with a perfect God and walking with Him forever.

This makes for a GREAT day!

This is Me...Jen

December...

2008-12-03T15:18:00.002-06:00

The month of December:

Those that rush,

and never speak in a hush.

Those who are hurrying,

and always scurrying.

What about caring,

and sharing?

Will we forget,

why our Lord Jesus was sent?

Can we slow down the pace,

and remember to get down on our face...

To praise our Lord Jesus Christ,

who gave us His life!

It's not about being miserable,

it's a time to find so enjoyable.

It's not about feeling bad,

or dealing with family who is "always" mad.

It's about honoring our Lord

on the day He was Born.

This month I could panic about each thing going on. I could get anxious and cranky with wanting to "make everything perfect", or "to get everything done", or to "make it to every ones demanding holiday's"...but I choose not too! I smile instead!

We do have some things going on...but, we have chosen to have many things "not" going on. We don't run to 10 different homes for parties, or go to every event taking place...we try to take the time to make it quiet and relaxed...especially Christmas Day! We love it that way!

So, what do we have going on this month?

Friday night is the Ladies Christmas dinner at church. This year the banquet is honoring Shelly (my sister-in-law)...I do want to be there to support her (not that I haven't wanted to be there in the past to support other friends...just haven't always been able to go to each one). Shelly is wrapping up her time in the states and then it's back to Africa (wasn't that a movie). Anyway...Lauren & I will be sitting with her!

Monday night I will be hosting the Mom's Christmas Party for my friends at our co-op (you can read one of the past blogs that tells what our co-op is all about...it's an awesome place to have school). I think yesterday at school I counted over 30 signed up to come to the party. It should be a fun time of eating dinner, passing gifts, and watching a movie with alot of great friends!

Tuesday is our last day of co-op until after Christmas! YEA (did I say that? Yes, I think I did...lol)! I am helping in Lauren's 3rd grade class with bringing some yummy snacks. It should be a great day of parties. However the 1st 2 hours classes will be as normal (the last 2 are the party). So, I can't wait for my 2nd hour...Short Stories puppet shows of the "Lady or the Tiger". The kids were all working on the final touches yesterday and I think there will be 3 very interesting shows (I have 8 high school boys and 2 h.school girls in this class...they are all so great...and funny and surprising...I even saw an Obama puppet who gets ate by the tiger...this could be interesting...lol)!

Wed. night of next week is the 1st dress rehearsal for the kids performance at church...then Sat. is all day music practice and Sunday the 14th is there "Angel Alert" performance. They have been working so hard!

The 19th is Lauren's piano recital. She's got some fun Christmas songs to perform. She has gotten so good!

I believe Christmas Eve will be spent with family, (I think Renee, Darren's sister, is coming in with her boys and of course Shelly will still be here). Then we'll tuck our excited kids into bed for anticipation of Christmas morn!

On Christmas we simply stay home. Well, except for after presents we head to waffle house (last year we changed it up and went to I-hop). This is our tradition and the kids wouldn't have it any other way! We go out for breakfast! Then we will come home and play games and play with their toys and just do the family thing all day! Of course we will read the Christmas story 1st thing when we get up...it's nice to hear the kids reading it now. It is so nice to just be at home and spend quiet time together!

I think it's going to be a great December. Not to busy, not to boring...just right!

I've got most of the gifts wrapped and oh, yes...we still have our Christmas cookies to make, cut-out, bake, and of course ice. This is my Grandma's recipe...everyone asks what the one taste in them is...it was her special added lemon juice that gives it that perfect taste...YUM! The kids are beggin' to get them made...we absolutly LOVE making them each year (I have pictures of making them while still in high chairs even)!

I think we will make some other treats also...the kids love to bake! Also, we bought a gingerbread house and train kit...last year Darren and the kids did a bang up job on the house...can't wait to see what they pull off this year!

December...make it fun, enjoyable, and cherish the memories. Leave the stress, the running, and all the other junk behind. Remember the reason for the season...and you can't go wrong!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

Snow Day!

2008-12-03T12:41:00.003-06:00

Snow Day Today! I declare a Snow Day!

Well, I can! We have our "built in" days that we know we can afford to take off and today was made "a day off".

On the days that our fellow "non-homeschool" friends are out for snow days we are usually pluggin' right along. I always tell the kids, "Just because public schools are out and can't get to school, our school is right downstairs!" And of course I hear all about it!

So my kiddos were happily surprised today!

Yesterday was actually a crammed packed day. We started with cleaning house at about 6:30 am, piano lessons at 8:00, Corbin's field trip at 9:30.

Corbin's field trip was a great experience. He went with his 16 or so classmates from our co-op "lighthouse". This week they went to Table Rock Dam and got to tour all of it (2 weeks ago they went to the Spgf. Power Plant). He has been studying chemistry and electricity for the last several weeks at school. What a fun day for him.

While he was at his field trip Lauren and I continued to clean and then we went out for a girls lunch at Panera. So fun! She was the only kid in there...the benefits of homeschooling! And to see how special it makes her feel...priceless!

After that we drove to school (our co-op). We had art, history, science, and music, along with snack time, (Lauren brought cupcakes to share with her friends for her birthday). Corbin met up with school during 2nd hour (his field trip went a little long).

After school we headed through Wendy's for dinner for the kids. When we got home we anxiously awaited friends showing up for a fun night. It got a little crazy then. The Cole's only came with 1 adult. Where was Julie? She was tied up preparing to go to Tulsa the next morning and so she could not come (cry). So, Troy showed up with the kids.

Darren's mom & dad agreed to babysit. They were thinking it was strange if I actually went out with 2 men. I assured them that the Denevin's were on their way. However Misty was tied up in the busy Cox ER (she's a nurse). So next Tom showed up with Whitney (their daughter). So, I know that Darren's parents thought I was insane to leave the house with 3 guys for a night out. Oh, Well!

1st stop Harunos! YUM! The lady who set us thought it was funny that it would be me and 3 guys to start, and so did our waitress. We enjoyed the light humor of it...it did look pretty funny! About 15 minutes later Misty showed up. YEA! We tried several new sushi's and loved them all. It's the place to eat that's for sure.

2nd stop...the movies. Troy did cut out and go get the kids and headed home to help Julie out (and take her her favorite sushi roll). But, us other 4 headed to see a movie. We laughed and laughed, and had sooooo.....much fun!

We got home around 10:00. The kids were so wiped out! But, they had a GREAT time!

So, this morning when I couldn't sleep around 4:00 am...I tried and tried to fall back into a peaceful slumber...but, no luck. I was up at 5:00. By 8:00ish I was ready for bed but couldn't go. Ugghhh! Lauren actually woke up about 6:15 and I made her go back to bed. The kids finally got up after 9:00. By then I had cleaned house and started laundry.

I did lay down for a nap around 11:00...but again didn't sleep well. I just feel totally exhausted tired! That's it period!

But, hey...what a good day we had yesterday. Actually today the kids are calm, they helped clean up and they are just enjoying a peaceful day. I know if we would have did school it would have been a disaster (monster mom). So...SNOW DAY!

I love a good SNOW DAY! MAYBE WE'LL GO OUT AND PLAY IN IT...LOL!

War Paint or is it just Make Up?

2008-11-17T09:09:00.004-06:00

This morning I was putting on some makeup mostly to hide "my broken out areas"...ugghh (I thought that was suppose to end once the teen age years ended)!

Anyway...the whole process got me thinking. I have missed a few mornings, (more like several), of morning devotion time here lately. As I look at the mess in the house, and the unorganization of school papers...I realize where "missing" that time has led to a mess in so many areas. So, as I was using the wedge for my foundation I started thinking about war paint.

Am I preparing myself daily for the battle of the unseen forces. Am I gearing up and putting on my war paint and my armour to fight the day? Won't I loose if I don't gear up everyday.

We so have to have that foundation put on daily. Sometimes though it seems that the foundation doesn't do the trick. How can that possibly be? Well we have sin or past things that are "showing through" not hidden by God's grace, "not taken care of".

So, I realized just how important the cover up stick is...the concealer. If I take my hang ups, my sins, my ugly blemishes to God Almighty...My Father God...he can cover those things with His Grace. Then I have a fresh view, fresh perspective and a better outlook on what I need to accomplish.

War Paint...I must apply it daily. Dig into God's Word, pray my heart out, and walk that narrow path. Praise God for fighting all of the unseen battles that I do not even know about. Oh, they are there. The demonic things going on, the plots against my life, my families life is happening. Scary isn't it. But, so very true. To just "live" day to day without a thought to this is crazy...because it is reality!

How dare I go out without my war paint and my armour. I am asking to get "nailed". I am asking to be taken down.

My devotion that I read today:

"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust." Psalm 91:4

The way is plain.

You do not need to see far ahead. Just one step at a time with Me. the same light to guide you as the Hosts of Heaven know--the son of Righteousness Himself.

Only self can cast a shadow on the way. Be more afraid of Spirit-unrest, of soul-disturbance, of any ruffling of the Spirit, than of earthquake or fire or any outside forces.

When you feel the absolute calm has been broken--away alone with Me until your heart sings, and all is strong and calm.

These are the only times when evil can find an entrance. The forces of evil surround the city of man-soul, and are keenly alert for one such unguarded spot, through which an arrow can pierce and do havoc.

Remember all that you have to do is to keep calm and happy. God does the rest.

No evil force can hinder My Power--only you yourself have power to do that. Think when all God's mighty forces are arrayed to aid you--and your poor, puny self impedes their onward march.

Oh, Dear Savior in Heaven. I do not want to hinder your work. I do not want to hinder your protection. I do not want to hinder the onward march of your Great and Mighty forces. I want to put on my war paint, my armour and be ready to fight. And when I feel I can fight no more, when I grow weary...I want to snuggle deeper into that nest, that quiet spot with you and let your wings continue to cover me completely. I know that I must not venture outside of your covering to fight. I am just a child and need your protection. Help me to not venture away from the nest you have provided. Help me to stay on that narrow path and far away from the easier traveled wide paths. They only lead to destruction. Help me to equip my children with armour also. How dare I leave them unattended in this land filled with snarling wolves. Let me give them a start to their day with your Holy Word and give them a fighting chance. And Lord I cry out to you to help those that are out on the wide path and are being pierced by those arrows, or even worse are being snarled and attacked by angry wolves. Lord, I see it everywhere...marriages crumbling, preachers falling, friends struggling, selfishness, greed, lust, love of self, love of things, total destruction. Lord I look forward to your coming. I embrace and except this crumbling world around me...I know it has to get so much worse for Glory to Come, for Heaven to be mine. But, I will not loose focus on praying for my family and other Christians who are not being careful. As Christians we have no excuse to be on the wide path. The unsaved dwell there, it is no place for Your children. We must snatch those unsaved and pull them unto your narrow path into your covering. That is our job. But, we must not dance on the wide path while pulling others off of it. One step onto that path is destroying Christians, it is playing right into Satan's plan. Lord I see it. It breaks my heart. We must be strong Lord...we must stand up and say NO MORE! We must be RIGID, we must WEAR THE ARMOUR PROUDLY, we must learn to say NO! Help me to do this. And Lord I pray and cry out to you to save those who are heading down that wrong path (Christians and non-Chrisitans), as I continue to witness to my neighbors please open their hearts, and help me to not wander. I love you Lord! Amen.

Happy Fall Y'All!

2008-11-06T19:18:00.002-06:00

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